Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, in the bathroom. I noticed a pregnancy test in the trash can. He lives alone. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML
Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
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Top comments
zaksyak 1
You Can't?
xoxosuperbad 5
You hit the jackpot there
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Comments (212)
wilbert1995 0
And it doesn't work??
MrFuzzles 5
Did you actually stand there and let him do it? If so, then you may have just as many problems as he does. If not, I'm not sure why you're still with such an idiot.
fordman22 0
He probably has a big wienerr duh
CharlieeBabiee 2
So having a big wiener means you can be a retard and get away with it? Makes perfect sense. You're about as stupid as he is.
Cinderella_Man 10
Charliee, best reply EVER! I was thinking the same.
izzygarcia 0
Ohh wow what is he a kindergartner? -____-
superswagbro 7
I don't think most kindergarteners are capable of jizzing.
newbiehere99 6
Says the one who's pic looks like it was taken at recess ...
laden_swallow09 34
63 - NO kindergarteners are capable of jizzing… unless they're an adult with the mind of one, but that defeats the label.
lowie89 7
Kindergardeners*** How are you guys spelling it wrong?? Common sense..
Spiral_Thoughts 19
Kindergarten and kindergarteners, actually (although until a moment ago I was not aware that one could add the suffix -er to the word kindergarten). See, kinder is German for "children" and garten is German for "garden". Basically, a children's garden. And your arbitrary use of the phrase "common sense" irks me to my apple core.
nevershoutkendal_fml 10
I think there's two ways of spelling it. Either that, or you're just wrong.
sporty1200xlr 6
G
sporty1200xlr 6
I tried to erase the comment after I saw it stated already. Dang it!
OfficeNinja 5
Don't let him get you knocked up. The planet's idiot quota is full.
Bikrbum 6
Wow what an idiot!! Sure you want to procreate with him?
CharlieeBabiee 2
You should be happy there... You got one smart cookie for a boyfriend.
Ch4osCosmo 3
I liked your comment cause i would **** you ;) + my name's charlie..
newbiehere99 6
I'm with you haha
Dracoboxer357 35
81- Wow, you seem like one classy guy. First words out of your mouth to a girl you see online consists of "I would **** you." This your normal approach with all women you meet? How pleasant. :p
MissAmz 7
Oh my. Someone obviously doesn't know how they work.. : /
the_fun_one 0
Seems legit.
perdix 29
He CAN make the pregnancy test positive by jizzing in you ;) BTW, he's not a total moron, the test inidcates the presence of a hormone, but it's not testosterone. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he just got the wrong hormone.
unpossible 26
Also, the FML doesn't indicate that he ejaculated on the stick, just that he thought about it. Maybe this guy isn't so bad.