Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, in the bathroom. I noticed a pregnancy test in the trash can. He lives alone. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML
Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
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Top comments
zaksyak 1
You Can't?
xoxosuperbad 5
You hit the jackpot there
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Comments (212)
JacobWat 6
You're a ******* terrible person for being with this person. You're a ******* dumbass, and so is he. Go kill yourself.
MathewBlack 14
That is a slightly harsh thing to say..
hotPinklipstick 24
Wow, angry much? That seems a little too harsh, maybe you should seek anger management.
peachesncreem 21
Sheesh. Looks like someone's wearing their cranky pants today!
xalba 9
Maybe you should take your own advice! Why the hell would you tell someone to kill themselves ... Your a terrible person, jackass
Drizzelhell 3
This guy just jealous that he cant **** on a stick.
ultra_notorious 26
Wow, I've written far less mean things that have been moderated.
kyz_xox 11
Woah there, what was that all about?
zandalee 19
Jacobtwat- strikes again... Yawn. Probably a bored 12 year old boy
HungerGames95 13
Let's hope HE doesn't reproduce...
zandalee 19
I agree
fordman22 0
11 is just angry cause he has a smalll wieeener
ohmandapants 16
Don't feed the troll you guys.
Shadomasta 5
HEY!!! HEY!! HEY! Hey. hey..... Stop it................Stop it.
MathewBlack 14
Did it work?
Dracoboxer357 35
12- Considering pregnancy testers detect hormone levels in a girl's urine, not semen content in her uterus, I suspect not. :P
downtime 12
And now you know what activity you should never engage in with him again...
jaytee1994 9
Already to late... Why would she have a pregnancy test unless she thought she was... Just saying.
Awsumuzzie 12
52, great idea! Except the boyfriend doesn't have to be pregnant to buy a test. I'm sure if she needed it, she wouldn't let him waste it like that either.
Dracoboxer357 35
64- I kind of visualized that Op bought and used the tester, and showed the boyfriend it was negative. He then thought, "Hmm, I wonder....." * .......fap fap fap fap....FAP!* Boyfriend: Aww, that didn't work? Op: O.o ("....What an idiot.....") ;P
downtime 12
52, I think the word 'again' kind of gives away that I was already aware of this. Just saying.
KrayKrayGurl117 7
What if it's positive? O.o
Cowboy1986 4
Magic sperm?!
SLEinTN 7
Thank your lucky stars that the test was negative and do not become a breeder with this one.
writergirl23 19
Give him a Darwin award
darwinism 30
No. His nomination can be reviewed, but at this stage I can only agree to a "Honourable Mention". But, there is no doubt that OPs boyfriend has the potential to be a future Darwin Award laureate. As with all nominees, we wish them all the luck because they are obviously in need of it.
ultra_notorious 26
Did you learn him that the test is used to measure hormone levels in a female's urine?
thewlett93 3
Have you "learnt" the proper way to use "learn" yet?
laden_swallow09 34
32 - *teach
laden_swallow09 34
That was supposed to be an either a *learnt or *teach. Damn my fingers, I wasn't fast enough!
ThisBiatchFMLs 5
Whats it with all the girls and their douchey boyfriends in here?
JulietRose 10
Because good guys are hard to find.
MathewBlack 14
Because if they had good boyfriends they wouldn't have to post things on FML..
cptmorgan6 8
How is he "douchey"? Seems to me he's just a little slow.
ThisBiatchFMLs 5
what i mean is alot of the post seems to be from girls complaining about their boyfriends/husbands, if theyre really that dissappointed why not just leave the guy instead of bitch about their guy online?
achurchi3605 5
For all of you who are still wondering if this works or not it dosent. The reason is when you are pregnant the hormone levels in your body change. Since there is so much "activity" going on in there the extra hormones are expelled from your body through your pee. The pregnancy test then reads the levels of hormones. And that is how a pregnancy test works.
tymarie2012 31
Doesn't*
TeddyB88 4
Thank you word master. Wherever would we be without you correcting the spelling of everyone even though we know what they mean. Your apostrophe made a world of difference
kurtXD 0
But **** has lots of baby's sp wouldent it become positive 4 000 000 times
MEM0817 18
That's special... And by that, I mean he.