Animals: Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as...

By Anonymous - 31/12/2009 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as it was supposed to snow today. I saw a man walking his dog and he waved at me. I waved back enthusiastically and realised I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 094

You deserved it 31 739

Animals

Hiding from the drama

Late term

Operation time!

"Now, I ain't sayin' she a gold digger…"

By Anonymous - 27/05/2020 20:00

Today, my wife wants a divorce. Apparently, she only married me for my potential, since my twin brother is a lawyer, she hoped I’d become a success as well, but since I’m content to be a carpenter, she considers me a disappointment and a failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 256

You deserved it 144

By Butterflyguy - 14/08/2009 17:10 - Canada

Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 233

You deserved it 23 573

By Anonymous - 06/04/2013 16:17 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 579

You deserved it 3 614

By supras - 04/12/2013 02:03 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, playing soccer, I jumped up to make a header and clear the ball away from our goal. I got the ball but some guy kicked me in the face. I was taken off. All the parents were horrified, saying how badly my nose must have broken. Turns out my nose was fine. That's just how my nose looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 778

You deserved it 3 120

By why.mom - 21/08/2019 00:01

Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 070

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 24/11/2018 17:30

Today, I came home from a long business trip. I walked in the front door to see my house was a complete mess.The first thing my son said was "Did you bring pizza?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 742

You deserved it 330

By Gw - 28/10/2009 19:03 - United States

Today, my fiancée and I were going on our honeymoon. Our flight was delayed by two hours. It landed when our connecting flight to St. Lucia was taking off. The airline said they were holding the flight for us, so we sprinted from D gate to A, in time to watch the plane pull away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 108

You deserved it 2 868

Lock in

By Anonymous - 19/11/2021 14:00

Today, my boss told me I could do my university work as long as I served customers when they came in. No customers came in all day, then I realised I’d been so focused on my laptop, I'd never noticed I’d left the bolt on the door, so customers couldn’t get in. My boss sacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 1 737

Freaky dreams

By beemove - 28/12/2013 21:19 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I took an extra Xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 297

You deserved it 10 683

By Anonymous - 21/02/2019 17:00 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I had a anxiety attack about taking my anxiety medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 038

You deserved it 310

By June - 05/10/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 757

You deserved it 8 773

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I went to the mall and saw a really cute guy. I acted all cool and started doing a sexy hair flip. On the way back up from my hair flip I hit my head on a cellphone stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 042

You deserved it 58 787

By sam.exe - 29/04/2016 19:26 - United States - New York

Today, I was declined a sales position at a local store. As I headed out, I heard the interviewer telling a colleague, "Christ. That kid had less charisma than Microsoft Sam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 085

You deserved it 1 743

By numbcrumb - 18/09/2017 23:15

Today, I discovered I have a condition that causes loss of feeling in my clitoris during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 805

You deserved it 286

By Barney - 18/06/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, I painted my daughter's bedroom. When I wasn't paying attention, the cat walked through the paint tray. There are now Barney purple paw prints all over the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 785

You deserved it 9 131

By Dammit - 15/08/2009 05:22 - Canada

Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 417

You deserved it 13 857

By Jessi - 21/07/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband was trying to cheat on me while I was away at basic training. I signed up for the service to pay off his debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 734

You deserved it 5 764

By fmlsomuch - 25/02/2012 20:51 - Japan

Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 135

You deserved it 3 354

By Nemesis2747 - 24/12/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 727

You deserved it 3 299

By meet Chloe - 19/02/2012 09:15 - Australia

Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 829

You deserved it 8 523

By avaiia - 09/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 678

You deserved it 1 580

By Abendigo77 - 14/01/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 450

You deserved it 6 820

By Cakeman - 08/11/2009 15:03 - United States

Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 280

You deserved it 51 683

By Djcc - 21/02/2012 18:03 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 914

You deserved it 7 080

By imahater07 - 28/01/2016 07:02 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I found out that I don't have to work tomorrow. Normally I would be thrilled to hear this, but not from the 6 o'clock news, doing a piece on my work's rat infestation and indefinite shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 918

You deserved it 1 387

By fuckmylife - 02/02/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 354

You deserved it 39 338

By Dopeboyfresh71 - 19/12/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was a bill from my parents. Apparently, the rent is due on the 1st. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 909

You deserved it 3 250

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 00:01

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 217

It's the new craze!

By seared well done - 21/08/2021 04:01

Today, I had to physically force my nephew to change his clothes after he tried to go out in long black jeans, a long-sleeved black shirt and a heavy black hoodie. It’s currently 106°F where we live. Apparently, heatstroke is the new trend, as several of his classmates are dressing the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 110

By phonesmuggler - 18/04/2013 19:30 - United States

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 812

You deserved it 5 793

By Brittany - 01/03/2009 20:00 - United States

Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 034

You deserved it 56 421

By potheadloljk - 02/12/2012 02:01 - United States - East Machias

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 235

You deserved it 2 110

Red flag

By LeftAndAbandoned - 11/08/2021 16:01

Today, my fiancé called off our wedding, all because I wouldn’t tell him how much my life insurance is worth. Apparently, “Lovers don’t keep secrets from one another” and, “If you’re hiding that God knows what else you could be hiding.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 333

By mighthavepaidfortwodates - 28/03/2019 22:00

Today, after an amazing date with a girl I like at a restaurant, I realized I foolishly forgot my wallet. When I returned, I spotted my date at another table on a date with a different guy. I also wasn’t able to find my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 323

By madzlovesgee - 16/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 706

You deserved it 53 274

Sounds fishy

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 11:01

Today, I told my wife I wasn’t comfortable with her going out with an old guy friend. Petty, sure, but our sex life is non-existent. I found out that she's been seeing him behind my back for months, spent the night with him last week and claims there’s nothing going on. Trying to decide whether I should stay or go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 967

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 09:01 - Mongolia

Today, I spoke to my dad for the first time in over a year. I've been volunteering in Mongolia, I have no running water, freeze my ass off everyday and communication with anyone who speaks English is scarce. One of the first things my father said to me was, "out of sight, out of mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 425

You deserved it 3 693

By Anonymous - 20/09/2012 12:31 - United States

Today, I realized just how bad my 28-year-old husband's gamer rage is when I came home to a smashed TV. This is the second TV in three months that he's destroyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 992

You deserved it 4 419

By Anonymous - 24/06/2015 02:48 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 190

You deserved it 3 675

By quasimodo - 22/02/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, we were drawing self-portraits in school. I'm horrible at art, so I turned to the person next to me and stated that mine looked really ugly. He replied saying, "No, it looks exactly like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 686

You deserved it 6 796

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the_sodomizer 0

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Thursday 31 December 2009 18:50

teehee

daydreamstar 7

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Thursday 31 December 2009 18:55

wow. talk about greeting the new year... I hope you were waving with your hand... poor guy, poor dog...

the_sodomizer 0

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Thursday 31 December 2009 18:50

teehee

breadfuck 0

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Saturday 25 June 2011 6:53

eeh hee hee hee hee hee hee! :D

m0tl3ycru3 0

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Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:04

Morning glory

123e3 0

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Thursday 31 December 2009 18:51

FAIL

karee10 0

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Tuesday 9 March 2010 1:04

epic failure!!

youngboss_fml 2

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Thursday 31 December 2009 18:52

hihihihihi

coolp3rson 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 8:54

I'm in love with this FML

daydreamstar 7

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Thursday 31 December 2009 18:55

wow. talk about greeting the new year... I hope you were waving with your hand... poor guy, poor dog...

zolltf 4

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Saturday 3 July 2010 7:32

cause he was "walking his dog"

GanjAxZermA 0

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Thursday 31 December 2009 19:00

wow

tehantone 0

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Thursday 31 December 2009 19:05

the man enjoyed it very much

somuchjustice 0

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Friday 1 January 2010 9:47

Uhh, not everyone in Britain is gay. did you not notice the poster is a man?

Subal_fml 8

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Friday 1 January 2010 12:04

Not everyone in Britain is straight, either.

Tamara2011 0

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Thursday 31 December 2009 19:07

Well you know why the guy waved must of been a good view lol, how can you forget your naked that must be the norm for you :)

fatcow282 8

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Wednesday 16 January 2013 0:20

When your half a sleep there are many things you can not be aware of

elizabeth8352 0

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Thursday 31 December 2009 19:13

Hahhahaha that's greaat

JustStella 28

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Thursday 31 December 2009 19:28

haha! That is an awesome image right there!

fuckinglifehard 0

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Thursday 31 December 2009 19:35

did u invite him in?

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 122

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 2 630

"Now, I ain't sayin' she a gold digger…"

Lock in

Freaky dreams

It's the new craze!

Red flag

Sounds fishy

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