Animals: Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as...

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as it was supposed to snow today. I saw a man walking his dog and he waved at me. I waved back enthusiastically and realised I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11086

You deserved it

31706

Favorite

Animals

Dangling modifier

Instadrama

Thanks, I hate it

By TheSublime - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a friend redecorate. She had put up some shelving, that we presumed was stable. It broke, and all the expensive vases and collectables fell to the floor. On instinct, I leapt forward to catch the closest thing. It was not the expensive vase. It was a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37741

You deserved it

4616

Favorite

By Casdmo

Today, the person who is supposed to train me at my new job left the country for a week due to a family emergency. I can't start until they return. This pushes my first paycheck back a pay period, two weeks later than expected. I'm already broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4019

You deserved it

314

Favorite

By feeldumb - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12068

You deserved it

86183

Favorite

By Greg - 29/8/2020 05:01

Lovely Rita

Today, I went to lunch with a friend in her car. I told her to park in a lot that had signs warning that we'd be towed, saying, "They never tow anyone from here. In fact, if you get towed, I'll pay for it." When we returned, her car was gone. I had to pay $145 in cash to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

413

You deserved it

3345

Favorite

By Choum - France

Today, I realized that my ex has REALLY dumped me for a video game. And he will not change his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42130

You deserved it

6002

Favorite

By VidyaGameCollector - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, because money is a little tight, I decided to sell one of my retro video game consoles. The family member that initially gave me it to me saw the ad on Facebook and demanded I give it back to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1861

You deserved it

738

Favorite

By wtbfiber - United States

Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23120

You deserved it

6295

Favorite

By dumbass - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46658

You deserved it

5838

Favorite

By tlm84 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man, and that my ass was grounds for discussion." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45485

You deserved it

5039

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38737

You deserved it

3468

Favorite

By TriangularBanana - United States - Cypress

Today, a girl stole my heart. She also stole my wallet, phone, and keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13980

You deserved it

1565

Favorite

By pissed out pants - United Kingdom

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42841

You deserved it

3885

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33993

You deserved it

2348

Favorite

By tbee - United States - East Carondelet

Today, I bought a large ice cream cake. No, there's no occasion, but I did ask the cashier to write "Happy Birthday" on it, just so she wouldn't know I was going to eat it all myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36399

You deserved it

10756

Favorite

By kraussy - United States

Today, I went to the eye doctor and they used dilating eye-drops on me. After I left, my vision was still pretty blurry. I walked to the subway and when I went to step onto the train, I missed and my whole left leg got stuck in the gap. The train was delayed 10 minutes because of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53439

You deserved it

5302

Favorite

By vanillapudding6 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom and dad went to court to negotiate child support for me and my brothers. During the meeting, my dad was asked, "Sir, are you saying that the only reason you want your sons to live with you full time is so you don't have to pay child support?" To which he responded, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27064

You deserved it

1550

Favorite

By nobody - United States - Petaluma

Today, my best friend said we couldn't be friends anymore because I'm too depressed or too happy all the time. After explaining for half an hour what bipolar depression was and how I have it he just said, "Bullshit!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

21807

You deserved it

1684

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13577

You deserved it

44392

Favorite

By hatemylife - United States

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46839

You deserved it

6898

Favorite

By asdfghjkl - United States

Today, after getting home from school, I realized I'd tucked my shirt into my underwear this morning. I'm fairly certain everyone got a good look at my lime green underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9723

You deserved it

26034

Favorite

By freaked out - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I discovered why my girlfriend is so obsessed with cutting my nails. She collects my clippings in a jar under her bed. She claims it will keep us together longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33146

You deserved it

2564

Favorite

By morphea - France - Chantepie

Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28685

You deserved it

2656

Favorite

By BracesSuck - United States

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83382

You deserved it

3192

Favorite

By newcomer - Canada - Kingston

Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2447

You deserved it

2833

Favorite

By -1 Pair of Pants - United States - Westborough

Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10669

You deserved it

2649

Favorite

By KJL - United States

Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35674

You deserved it

3851

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2858

You deserved it

703

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example, he responded, "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of Warcraft." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52551

You deserved it

7858

Favorite

By didntevenknow - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14486

You deserved it

37873

Favorite

By Foufinator - France

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49024

You deserved it

3545

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51760

You deserved it

4356

Favorite

By metalflower01 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my wedding. On top of being upset about the break up, I was informed I owed a $900 cancellation fee for not using the venue. Single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37075

You deserved it

4025

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I told the man my girlfriend has been cheating on me with all about her infidelity. He didn't get angry; he just said that he knew, that they were in an open relationship, and that I was pretty stupid to have not figured it out sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46296

You deserved it

6217

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the guardian angel charm my grandma gave to me for "safe driving" fell off my sun visor while I was driving. This scared me enough to cause me to swerve into another moving car. So much for safe driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21625

You deserved it

7067

Favorite

By Lulu - United States

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37502

You deserved it

3233

Favorite

By ShortieRose

Always proofread before sending

Today, I was texting with my close friend about her very sick father. She texted, "I hope he gets better" and I replied, "I hope he does." Autocorrect changed it to, "I hope he dies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1967

You deserved it

389

Favorite

By Angie - France

Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40212

You deserved it

6856

Favorite

By Tib - United States

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15323

You deserved it

26361

Favorite

By jack1057 - 14/7/2020 05:01

Black Lives Matter

Today, I was on my way home and there were BLM protestors, who I have no problem with, but my car was parked where they were and I had to sit there for three hours until they left so I could drive off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1466

You deserved it

264

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter's school called to inform me that I needed to bring her some sneakers. Not feeling like driving the 15 minutes to her school, I told them I was away from town. Then I realized I was on my house phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6639

You deserved it

70991

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By the_sodomizer | 0

#747287 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:50

teehee

By daydreamstar | 7

#747307 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:55

wow. talk about greeting the new year... I hope you were waving with your hand... poor guy, poor dog...

COMMENTS

By the_sodomizer | 0

#747287 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:50

teehee

breadfuck | 0

#2754515 - Saturday 25 June 2011 6:53

eeh hee hee hee hee hee hee! :D

m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3587178 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:04

Morning glory

By 123e3 | 0

#747295 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:51

FAIL

karee10 | 0

#926768 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 1:04

epic failure!!

By youngboss_fml | 2

#747297 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:52

hihihihihi

coolp3rson | 0

#2829611 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 8:54

I'm in love with this FML

By daydreamstar | 7

#747307 - Thursday 31 December 2009 18:55

wow. talk about greeting the new year... I hope you were waving with your hand... poor guy, poor dog...

zolltf | 4

#1056890 - Saturday 3 July 2010 7:32

cause he was "walking his dog"

By GanjAxZermA | 0

#747319 - Thursday 31 December 2009 19:00

wow

By tehantone | 0

#747331 - Thursday 31 December 2009 19:05

the man enjoyed it very much

somuchjustice | 0

#748473 - Friday 1 January 2010 9:47

Uhh, not everyone in Britain is gay. did you not notice the poster is a man?

Subal_fml | 8

#748570 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:04

Not everyone in Britain is straight, either.

By Tamara2011 | 0

#747341 - Thursday 31 December 2009 19:07

Well you know why the guy waved must of been a good view lol, how can you forget your naked that must be the norm for you :)

fatcow282 | 8

#5325851 - Wednesday 16 January 2013 0:20

When your half a sleep there are many things you can not be aware of

By elizabeth8352 | 0

#747357 - Thursday 31 December 2009 19:13

Hahhahaha that's greaat

By JustStella | 28

#747387 - Thursday 31 December 2009 19:28

haha! That is an awesome image right there!

By fuckinglifehard | 0

#747394 - Thursday 31 December 2009 19:35

did u invite him in?