Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as...

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and immediately went to the window as it was supposed to snow today. I saw a man walking his dog and he waved at me. I waved back enthusiastically and realised I was naked. FML

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Animals

Time for the ER

Deep-seated resentment

Breaking Badly

By Anonymous - 9/8/2016 20:58 - United States - Hayward

Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

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By tom0441 - 22/10/2011 08:34 - Reserved

Today, I saw a father and son playing football in a car park when I was on my way to work. The ball rolled towards me so feeling nice I kicked it back to them. Turns out it went straight through their car window. FML

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By Megannn - 1/5/2012 23:43 - United States

Today, I was in a gas station bathroom attempting to buy a condom from the machine on the wall. A woman who smelled of cat piss walked in, and I got embarrassed so I fled into a stall. She then started a conversation with me about "the good old days" from the next stall over. FML

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By Countdown has begun - 16/5/2019 12:58

Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2013 17:57 - Norway - Haugesund

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

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By Al - 5/8/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2012 11:54 - Sweden

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2017 21:00 - Canada - Jansen

Today, I was talking to a girl online and she stopped talking to me abruptly after seeing my picture. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2012 02:27 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, I got a birthday present from my boyfriend's mom. It was ProActiv acne solution. He tried to make me feel better by explaining it's because she wants to be able to include me in family pictures. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 00:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

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By Unloveable - 13/6/2016 16:32 - United States - Priest River

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me over video chat. Two days before I was to move across the country to be with him. All of my things are already shipped. He said he thinks of me as a sister. FML

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By Nikki - 13/5/2015 00:33 - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, it was easter and I thought it might be fun to look for eggs with my little brother. My parents told me to take the ones in the higher places that my brother couldn't reach. All of his eggs were filled with candy or money. Each one of mine had a note saying 'maybe when you lose weight'. FML

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By Wife - 8/8/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

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By Axlgrows - 2/12/2016 16:44

Today, a friend admitted that the reason I got the nickname Axl is because I was an A cup with XL underwear. I guess I should be called Axxl now. FML

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By Today - 7/9/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

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By rhartnett11 - 16/2/2011 12:56

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

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By Lily - 23/3/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he said he needed to be with someone smart so that he could impress his parents. I just got accepted into medical school. When I pointed that out to him, he added that he needed to be with someone attractive. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2020 05:02 - Germany

Two states of matter

Today, I learned that is it possible to be constipated and have diarrhea at the same time. You run to the toilet every half-hour, but almost nothing comes out and you feel so bloated you could burst, while eating almost nothing. FML

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By Rain - 14/11/2016 11:43

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

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By Fat_abott - 5/1/2012 20:40 - France

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2014 07:17 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my teen son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML

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By jalopenos - 29/1/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML

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By EmBAREassed - 31/7/2009 13:43 - United States

Today, I was walking around Walmart feeling pretty good about myself as I received numerous looks from guys in passing. All of a sudden a man approached me to tell me that my dress was extremely see-through. And, since I was wearing a thong, he and everyone else could totally see my ass. FML

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By anonymous - 16/10/2014 20:53 - United States - Canton

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2020 22:59

Observational comedy

Today, I, an insecure high school student, told my 11-year-old sister that I got my period in third grade. She responded with, “What?! Then how come you didn’t have tits until last year?” FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2019 18:00

Today, a really pretty girl came into my work, but when I went up to help her, my brain misfired and I accidentally said, "How can I hump you?" She yelled at me, and my manager put me on probation. FML

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By paparoach - 21/12/2014 07:59 - United States - Kapolei

Today, I was at an outdoors Christmas party and I jokingly complained that my son says 'mama' way more than he says 'dada'. One of my students was at the party and watched him for a couple of hours. He taught him to say 'dada' every time he sees a bug. FML

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By sydstreet - 9/4/2012 05:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, my anxiety was so bad that when I was riding my bike on the side walk and two pedestrians came walking in the opposite direction, I got so nervous about having to go between them or accidentally hitting them that I fell off my bike, into a bush. FML

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By PunkChik27 - 12/12/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

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By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

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By Anonyme - 18/6/2011 01:25 - Switzerland

Today, my girlfriend bought several packs of bottled water, even though we have pure mountain water on tap. She did this because the pile-up of unwashed dishes in the sink makes it virtually impossible to slide a glass under the tap. FML

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By It was the 11 year old - 21/7/2012 08:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

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By StabStab - 11/1/2015 13:03 - Belgium

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

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By Anon - 4/8/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2018 03:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I wanted to talk about marriage and our future with my boyfriend of over 10 years. My 30-year-old boyfriend responded by hiding under a blanket and pretending he couldn't hear me. FML

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By mud - 29/11/2019 05:00 - United States - Raleigh

Slippy!

Today, I was on my way to class and it was muddy outside, so I slipped and it looks like I shit myself. I'm wearing white pants. FML

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By trojan72 - 13/6/2017 00:00

Today, marks a whole month that my boss has asked me to come in early to my part-time job, which makes me pretty happy to get the extra hours. I casually made a joke that she might as well make me full-time now. That made her change her mind, now I'm back down to 23 hours a week. FML

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Top comments

By the_sodomizer | 0

#747287 - Thursday 31 December 2010 18:50

teehee

By daydreamstar | 7

#747307 - Thursday 31 December 2010 18:55

wow. talk about greeting the new year... I hope you were waving with your hand... poor guy, poor dog...

COMMENTS

By the_sodomizer | 0

#747287 - Thursday 31 December 2010 18:50

teehee

breadfuck | 0

#2754515 - Saturday 25 June 2011 6:53

eeh hee hee hee hee hee hee! :D

m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3587178 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:04

Morning glory

By 123e3 | 0

#747295 - Thursday 31 December 2010 18:51

FAIL

karee10 | 0

#926768 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 1:04

epic failure!!

By youngboss_fml | 2

#747297 - Thursday 31 December 2010 18:52

hihihihihi

coolp3rson | 0

#2829611 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 8:54

I'm in love with this FML

By daydreamstar | 7

#747307 - Thursday 31 December 2010 18:55

wow. talk about greeting the new year... I hope you were waving with your hand... poor guy, poor dog...

zolltf | 4

#1056890 - Saturday 3 July 2010 7:32

cause he was "walking his dog"

By GanjAxZermA | 0

#747319 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:00

wow

By tehantone | 0

#747331 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:05

the man enjoyed it very much

somuchjustice | 0

#748473 - Friday 1 January 2010 9:47

Uhh, not everyone in Britain is gay. did you not notice the poster is a man?

Subal_fml | 8

#748570 - Friday 1 January 2010 12:04

Not everyone in Britain is straight, either.

By Tamara2011 | 0

#747341 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:07

Well you know why the guy waved must of been a good view lol, how can you forget your naked that must be the norm for you :)

fatcow282 | 8

#5325851 - Wednesday 16 January 2013 0:20

When your half a sleep there are many things you can not be aware of

By elizabeth8352 | 0

#747357 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:13

Hahhahaha that's greaat

By JustStella | 28

#747387 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:28

haha! That is an awesome image right there!

By fuckinglifehard | 0

#747394 - Thursday 31 December 2010 19:35

did u invite him in?