Love: Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend on her request because...

By Face_loser - 24/11/2009 08:11 - United States

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend on her request because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received 4 calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 376

You deserved it 5 223

Love

Taking stock

Dementia or hate? You decide

Paternity test before the rest

By outofajob - 08/07/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, after not receiving my paycheck for over a month, I confronted my boss about it. His response? "You still work here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 673

You deserved it 3 868

By j.b. - 02/12/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband thinks its okay to have an online girlfriend and have naked pictures sent to his email because he's not "physically touching, making love, or kissing". The sad part is that the online girlfriend gets more action than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 473

You deserved it 4 867

Risky business

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 19:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I hooked up with a really great guy while I’m on a business trip. Would've been great, but found out he slept with someone else right after me, and stole my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 779

By shaunaaa - 17/02/2011 10:39 - Australia

Today, I was in science class studying dead insects for biology. After packing away the jars, I noticed a red-back spider on the bench. Thinking it was missing from a jar, I picked it up. It wasn't missing. It was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 261

You deserved it 5 323

I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

By katieemw95 - 23/09/2019 04:00

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 106

By brenami - 31/12/2010 06:13 - United States

Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 754

You deserved it 7 685

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 14:00

Today, while doing a project on income, my teacher told me there are no houses in Japan. I told her I lived in Mitaka for 3 years and that I lived in a house there. She told me I was bullshitting. So much for quality education. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 764

You deserved it 368

By littl3storm - 13/05/2019 04:00

Today, I got up and walked to college for my only class which started at 9 a.m. after a night of restless sleep. Our exam is two weeks away, so I thought it would be better to attend. Apparently, my teacher thought differently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 31/03/2013 04:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 167

You deserved it 2 795

By drycleanplz - 21/06/2011 02:33 - Reserved

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 560

You deserved it 12 807

By dog got ur phone - 07/05/2017 02:00

Today, I was playing music from my phone, which was on the couch. I guess my dog got jealous, because she picked it up and ran over to the toilet, promptly dropping it right in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 938

You deserved it 716

By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 18:50

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 796

You deserved it 9 807

Own it!

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 08:02 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, my ultra-conservative aunt got rip-roaring drunk at a family barbecue and told everyone that I'm a "raging homosexual" with a lack a moral compass, all because I kissed a male friend at a high school party about 20 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 142

By Fish - 07/04/2017 02:00

Today, following the advice of not putting my wallet in my back pocket, I put my wallet in my jacket's chest pocket. I lost my jacket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 510

You deserved it 1 478

By itwasajoke - 25/12/2016 21:23

Today, I ran into an old friend for whom I used to have feelings. I hadn't seen her in years, so I thought it would be funny if I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar, do I know you?" She thought I had really forgotten her and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 375

You deserved it 2 312

By anonymous - 18/12/2016 03:15

Today, my pregnant sister has apparently always loved my boyfriend's name and wants to give it to her child. She expects me to break up with my boyfriend so "it doesn't get weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 966

You deserved it 437

By Kathryn - 08/08/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 370

You deserved it 15 803

Frugality

By Gingertabs - 23/08/2021 22:00

Today, I found out I am only entitled to £63 government assistance a month. I haven't worked or even left house for a year and a half, as my agoraphobia/anxiety has spiraled out of control. I don't know how I'm going to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 280

By oops - 19/08/2013 16:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, I forgot to shut off some pumps before closing the main valves that run to them. Several sirens soon started blaring at a deafening level. I'm new here and nobody else is around. I don't know how to shut the sirens off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 275

You deserved it 7 274

By leapple - 14/03/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, I spent 2 hours doing my hair, doing my make-up, and picking out an outfit to meet some men. On chatroulette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 700

You deserved it 37 181

By donuts678 - 16/08/2015 23:37 - United States - Passaic

Today, at the camp that I work at, a little girl asked to "feel" my muscles. Thinking it was cute, I flexed for her. She laughed and said, "No, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 229

You deserved it 8 190

By fox_at_heart - 30/09/2016 02:21 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my father has been saving money to help me buy my first car. In the same conversation, I found out my mother, unbeknownst to my dad, used nearly all of the money to bail my drunken, deadbeat uncle out of jail for the 4th time a month ago. He is now back in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 791

You deserved it 760

By Anonymous - 23/08/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 933

You deserved it 3 657

By Anonymous - 29/08/2019 15:00 - United States - Russellville

Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 227

Does it taste good?

By Oregon - 04/12/2019 18:00

Today, while my boyfriend was fingering me, he accidentally pulled out my NuvaRing, he then licked it off and placed it back inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 729

You deserved it 497

Sounds healthy

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 10:00 - United States

Today, a girl that I've been falling for told me that she's married. But not to worry, that "won't get in the way of 'us'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 132

By TronCat8230 - 20/05/2017 12:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 002

You deserved it 2 116

By TRalalla - 07/08/2010 17:10 - Canada

Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 955

You deserved it 5 688

Eco-friendly

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 02:01

Today, my colleague heated 1,5 liters of water, waited visibly impatient the several minutes it took to boil, made himself one cup of tea, then poured the rest down the drain. Maximum amount of time and energy wasted in one go? Check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 93

By dre_bro11 - 06/11/2011 12:17 - Australia

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 007

You deserved it 12 448

He has issues

By just a joke - 08/06/2020 20:08

Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 558

You deserved it 326

By Noname - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 819

You deserved it 48 541

By unloved - 17/04/2012 14:54 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 653

You deserved it 2 731

Nose to the grind

By Over-employed - 23/08/2021 20:01

Today, my wife was lucky not to get fired from her part-time job for doing nothing since we went into lockdown 8 weeks ago. To celebrate this, she has downed two bottles of red wine and watched an entire season of Virgin River. Guess I’ll have to find a third job to make up the income when the inevitable happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 85

By Confused - 15/09/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 668

You deserved it 2 406

By nameless - 12/07/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 223

You deserved it 11 820

By kiken.bara - 06/01/2013 08:17 - United States

Today, I found out that I was pregnant and sent a picture of the positive test to my boyfriend. Before I got a text back from him, I got his newly updated Facebook status that read "This has got to be the most depressing day of my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 892

You deserved it 7 463

Unfit

By naagodinho - 09/01/2012 14:56 - Portugal

Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 844

You deserved it 4 747

By single again - 06/09/2013 00:29 - United States - Chico

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 977

You deserved it 5 254

Shithole

By Julie Wuertz - 21/06/2021 11:01

Today, I was packing up to move when I decided to take a break. I went to get some water from the sink when a bug fell into my cup. Needless to say, I'm glad I'm moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 65

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Top comments

_Noon_ 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:11

#1,2,3; why are you calling him a jerk?! Would you continue your relationship if you knew your girl/boyfriend didn't want to be with you anymore but was too much of a chicken to break up with you? I think not. She's the bitch here.

hanic101 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:05

Wow what a bitch. I say it's a good thing u dumped her.

DumbStruck79 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 11:59

YERK !

polico_wolf 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:00

you shouldnt have, idiot.

st4rbucksisevil 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:04

Why the hell did you do that!? Seriously.

phatdaddy 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 14:15

Hating fml's comment feed right now. I hit reply on an entirely different comment, and my reply got posted to this one... which didn't even exist when I hit reply... GRRRRR!!!!

hanic101 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:05

Wow what a bitch. I say it's a good thing u dumped her.

iplaylax 0

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Wednesday 17 February 2010 3:01

yeah really. she has no guts to dump him but she has the guts to spread the news? bitch

RandomHavoc1 13

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Sunday 5 October 2014 7:55

He should have told her and everyone else it was a mutual decision.

dalehj 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:09

Raise the pimp hand haha...

_Noon_ 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:11

popatia 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 13:06

agreed

polico_wolf 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 14:56

I would actually. Make her learn to break up herself Ps I was #2

TJammah 0

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Saturday 25 September 2010 11:41

she had enough guts to say she didn't want to be with him. what's the diff? but still... it seems like he did it out of decency for her. he shouldn't have. He should've let her do it herself

waterynuggets 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:20

Hey baby, can you call me back in 5 and break up with me? I just don't have the heart to do it.

coolscale 6

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:25

i lol'd OP: YDI for not being boyfriend material. -

Jimboom 11

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:23

And you just gave up and did it?? Did you ever consider it was a test by her to see if you really wanted the relationship to work? Or perhaps you just wanted the easy way out.

karrdesw 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 13:00

A test like that would be an excellent reason to break up with her anyways. Who the hell wants to deal with mind games like that in a relationship? For all intents and purposes she broke up with him, what the hell does this "at her request" BS even mean? "Hey baby, I don't want to see you anymore, will you break up with me? I just don't have the heart to do it." [Read: I think you're a wuss and you'll do it because I asked you to so that I don't have to look like a bitch to all our friends.]

GodOfBeer 5

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 13:12

he is a wuss and will probably get a boyfriend now...

MagicMeds 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 15:34

How does dumping a girl that doesn't want to be with you any more make you a wuss?

stingray112 24

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Friday 20 February 2015 19:47

What the actual fuck are you talking about? Are you honestly arguing that the girl said she wanted to break up with her boyfriend but she couldn't do it was a test of their relationship?

Antivirus_fml 0

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:23

OP, i salute you!

theanonymoose 3

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Tuesday 24 November 2009 12:30

YDI. If you don't have the balls to tell her that if she wants out, she has to get out, then you deserve to cop flak for breaking up with her - because that's exactly what you did.