Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know…" and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML
Today, my dad grounded me for not having any friends. FML
Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML
Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML
Today, I was taking a selfie. My grandma saw me, then after smirking to herself, she went and told my parents that I was "doing that sexting thing". They believed her and grounded me, even after I showed that all my photos and sent messages were totally innocent. FML
Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Go to his house and tell his mom you're pregnant with his child.
happle 21
How did he find where you live..?
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Comments (102)
KnucklesDeep 5
Sorry about having a douchebag for a father.
xxhardbitchxx 2
Epic win for the creepy kid at school! That is actually pretty funny. Best FML I've read today!
ilove80smetal 8
Go to his house and tell his mom that he gave you an STD by rape and your gonna sue :)
lolxlolx3 0
Haha, what a creep
arvale8802 1
Why would that kid do that to you...?
Kara_rated 5
I think that was a pretty good idea. I wish someone would do that to me. But, that's because my dad wouldn't react like that. He'd laugh, and high-five the kid. Haha.
ravenevercross 19
Gotta say this is hilarious. Sucks to be you OP but that kid is now my hero. I'd bust out laughing if he ever came to my house and said something like that.
BadSuerte 0
OMG, i feel for you. Seriously, i do.
armystrongbaby 0
that's funny. and I thought no one had any balls these days. back in the day I had a friend dress in nothing but the top half of a Santa outfit and go door to door saying " merry Christmas."
RavenLunaTyk 1
Or your a prostitute and have the results of ur aids test