Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know…" and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML
Today, my dad grounded me for not having any friends. FML
Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML
Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML
Today, I was taking a selfie. My grandma saw me, then after smirking to herself, she went and told my parents that I was "doing that sexting thing". They believed her and grounded me, even after I showed that all my photos and sent messages were totally innocent. FML
Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
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Top comments
mpsteve137 15
Go to his house and tell his mom you're pregnant with his child.
happle 21
How did he find where you live..?
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Comments (102)
every1luvsboners 11
Explain to your dad that every since he was laid off from the butt-plug factory that you're just trying to pitch in a little. If it means servicing guys for an extra $5 here and there it's not his problem, just promise him 50% of the profits.
russianmartini 2
You said you never spoke to him, you never said you didn't actually do it. Hah
godlike1 5
I'm pretty sure everybody that ever had sex talked to their partner at one time or another.
Mini96_fml 16
stranger things have happened
perdix 29
You just communicated to him with a series of obscene gestures. You could both be telling the truth, yet you still deserve to be grounded! You really ought to speak to someone before you engage in the old, you know ...
BarDownDaily 12
How could they both be telling the truth? One says they have talked, the other says they haven't.
doubleea 3
Read the first sentence.
WCARlover 34
Who would do something like that? That's just completely whacked!
GoW_Chick 14
That kid could go door to door, and never lose! Either he would piss someone off, or get a little... well you know. ;)
Marcelb 17
Yeah, problem is that when he does that there's a good chance one of the dads he's going to talk to is going to kick his ass. But even worse, since he'd be going door to door, not knowing who lives there, when he finally you know... gets some, it might be a very unattractive girl, because mom and dad are glad someone finally showed up to give her some.
IKickPuppiesHard 16
The main problem with these theory is that he would have to know names of the daughters. If not he could say it to someone with a 4 year old daughter, get his ass beat AND cops called on him.
YOUSOCK 10
Wait I don't understand what old thing?
Furrywhiplash 14
I really hope you are joking. If you aren't . . . SEX, "the old, you know..." Is SEX!
muka92 6
That is so funny I wish I had the balls to do that.
cardinalsfan 0
That sucks
Dcm210 19
kill him
Fmlsea 28
That blows