Today, I cut myself pretty badly with a knife. I was bleeding quite a lot, so I yelled to my husband to bring me some kitchen roll, along with the first aid kit. He rushed in with the roll… to clean the floor. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I was working at a fast food restaurant when I cut my hand. There was a good amount of blood flowing out so I ran to my manager and asked where the first aid kit was. He then picked up a washcloth and some tape and handed it to me. FML
Today, I rented a holiday cottage, assuring the owner I was a very tidy person. Then I sliced my finger while cooking and got blood on the kitchen towels and the cream rug, then the wound opened up again during my shower, I didn’t notice and now there’s blood on the white bathroom towels. FML
Today, I accidentally cut myself while slicing some sponge cake. My husband's first reaction was to ask if the cake had gotten bloody or not. FML
Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML
Today, I cut my hand on nothing while at work. It bled so much, I began to feel woozy, and everyone kept brushing me off when I asked where the first aid kits were. FML
Today, visiting my partner’s family for the first time, I offered to help cook, saying I could chop the vegetables. Five minutes later, I nicked my finger, dropped the knife, and instinctively said a very loud curse word in front of their very traditional grandparents. Everyone froze while someone went to get me a bandage. FML
Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
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