By HistoryHasEyes - 4/9/2020 23:01

That makes sense

Today, I was working in the produce department at my work. A lady came in to return some mangos. I asked her what the problem with the mangoes was. She said she didn't like the way they were talking to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1280

You deserved it

94

Tweet

Share

Coherence dude, do you have it?

And today, on Dr Phil…

Never flip flop and drive

By hopeless

Today, is my birthday. Everyone forgot except my stalker. He rang the door bell the second it turned 12:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47470

You deserved it

3975

Tweet

Share

By Jocelyn

Today, I got stressed and well, let's just say I got carried away, pulled off most of my eyelashes on one eye, and now I have to find falsies that look real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1222

You deserved it

1704

Tweet

Share

By well then... - United States

Today, I was approached by a girl who called me a slut for sleeping with her boyfriend, then punched me in the face. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75357

You deserved it

3366

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32916

You deserved it

2751

Tweet

Share

By Hammy - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I finally noticed how lonely I am when I realized I was petting my couch while reading a book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29658

You deserved it

3815

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Granger

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25136

You deserved it

1516

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46427

You deserved it

5860

Tweet

Share

By mariology - United States - Newark

Today, I found a credit card at my job. As store policy goes, we have to cut up lost cards immediately after finding them to protect the cardholders. As I grab the scissors and cut, my manager calls out, "Has anyone seen my credit card?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48726

You deserved it

11560

Tweet

Share

By TheMike23 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20832

You deserved it

2268

Tweet

Share

By Rashbeard

Rash beard

Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1722

You deserved it

416

Tweet

Share

By jack - France - Ajaccio

Today, I invited the girl I like out for a meal. She replied, “Sorry, I already have plans”. I asked her what they were. “I don’t know yet, but I’ll think of something.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

13974

You deserved it

2197

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/3/2021 21:30

Sleep tight

Today, my depression caused me to sleep through my appointment to try and get more antidepressants. We love mental instability. FML

I agree, your life sucks

790

You deserved it

96

Tweet

Share

By James - United Kingdom - Cirencester

Lost

Today, I was having a good time drinking with a few friends. Next thing I know, I'm walking down an unknown street, with just one shoe, no wallet and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

690

You deserved it

1553

Tweet

Share

By thedancer5 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41751

You deserved it

3357

Tweet

Share

By Noname - Canada

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24318

You deserved it

2169

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27919

You deserved it

2199

Tweet

Share

By hlev24 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17111

You deserved it

109744

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Southport

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48557

You deserved it

4079

Tweet

Share

By hating my life - United States

Today, I managed to accidentally drop an entire cake on my laptop's keyboard. There's so much frosting stuck under the keys, I have no idea how I'm going to clean it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21651

You deserved it

7398

Tweet

Share

By ReineXre

Weirdo

Today, I went to the bathroom in a mall. As I was in the stall, a woman tried to open it. I yelled out that's it was occupied but she kept shaking it to open it. It came up to the point where she had to crawl under the door to see that I was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15372

You deserved it

707

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Poplar Hill

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48188

You deserved it

15772

Tweet

Share

By fuck you mom

Boozehound

Today, my mom laid into me, calling me a selfish bitch, blaming me for my dad not being around and finally that she should’ve aborted me. All because I couldn't get her booze from the neighborhood market she’s been banned from. I’m not even 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2719

You deserved it

143

Tweet

Share

By MsAnonymous17 - United States

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59099

You deserved it

4127

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at my friend's house, I decided to climb up on a shelf and pounce on him when he came back downstairs. When I heard someone coming, I assumed it was him and pounced. It was his grandma carrying the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8749

You deserved it

44607

Tweet

Share

By anal-retentive - United States

Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15153

You deserved it

4212

Tweet

Share

By cadillacfrank - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12785

You deserved it

36472

Tweet

Share

By Mr. Unlucky - United States - Woodbridge

Anti-Dad

Today, after suffering a severe brain injury and receiving a large amount of money from the lawsuit for physical and mental rehab, I found out that my dad stole it all and spent it on himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5049

You deserved it

228

Tweet

Share

By ohno - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend of 3 years out to where we had our first date. I proposed to her. She breaks down in tears as she tells me she's been sleeping with her co-worker for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57415

You deserved it

3203

Tweet

Share

By queen - Brazil

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11864

You deserved it

24191

Tweet

Share

By furred - Philippines

Today, I was playing an online game in nothing but my boxers, when suddenly a girl joined my team. I immediately felt embarrassed and put some pants on. There were no webcams involved. I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22801

You deserved it

14179

Tweet

Share

By Lonely School Kid - Canada

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28524

You deserved it

2134

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36597

You deserved it

3372

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35093

You deserved it

16926

Tweet

Share

By klanciee - United States - Valencia

Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29366

You deserved it

2195

Tweet

Share

By ReComatosed242 - Bahamas - Eleuthera

Today, my co-worker and I got into an argument. It ended with him threatening me to roll my balls with a paint roller until they looked like "fresh, popping doughs". FML

I agree, your life sucks

15887

You deserved it

1387

Tweet

Share

By hard worker

Today, I gave my boss 2 weeks notice for me leaving work, as I had received a better job offer with twice the pay. I thought he took it well until I heard him mutter under his breath, "About fucking time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16217

You deserved it

1598

Tweet

Share

By Skimilk - Australia

Today, I went in to my local cafe for my morning coffee. I was chatting to the barista as she was making it, and I mentioned that I was starting a new diet. She goes, "Oh that's great! I've been sneaking skimmed milk in your coffee for years, I didn't want to say anything..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29022

You deserved it

5850

Tweet

Share

By tired - United States

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I had been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31763

You deserved it

3583

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - El Dorado Hills

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33845

You deserved it

2897

Tweet

Share

By FMyEx - United States - Southington

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29478

You deserved it

4858

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By millsjoshua949 | 12

#7936027 - Friday 4 September 2020 23:28

So the woman obviously has mental health issues. Shouldn't this be fuck her life??? She has to live with it.

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7936030 - Saturday 5 September 2020 0:06

Did you accept them back? Did they talk to you too ?

I pleased you stayed safe.

COMMENTS

By millsjoshua949 | 12

#7936027 - Friday 4 September 2020 23:28

So the woman obviously has mental health issues. Shouldn't this be fuck her life??? She has to live with it.

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7936030 - Saturday 5 September 2020 0:06

Did you accept them back? Did they talk to you too ?

I pleased you stayed safe.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7936055 - Saturday 5 September 2020 3:26

Why is this your FML?

You should happily refund the lady's money, then go on the road with The Talking Mangoes! You'll make millions!!!

By akvan | 11

#7936070 - Saturday 5 September 2020 5:01

Weeeeeeell... What did they say to her? Were they rude?or was she just misinterpreting what they were saying?

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7936078 - Saturday 5 September 2020 6:30

They were saying, "Put down that knife! Please don't kill me! Aieeeeeee!"

By Rusty Armstrong | 13

#7936133 - Saturday 5 September 2020 13:39

sounds like she needs to lay off the bath salts.

By Chazzster | 20

#7936166 - Saturday 5 September 2020 18:11

It’s always safer to humor and be polite to the mentally unbalanced than to argue with them. Refunding the nut job’s money was the safest choice.

By jcarter25 | 12

#7936458 - Monday 7 September 2020 3:28

I’d be giving her money back yesterday.

By sickerthanyou | 13

#7936470 - Monday 7 September 2020 4:58

You need to accept them back and talk to the mangos about being nice to people so they can go to a good home.