Today, while I was helping my parents clean their house to my dad's playlist, the song "Mama Told Me (Not to Come)" started playing. My mom very casually said to my dad, "I did tell you, but you did anyway. Five times, in fact." Guess how many children my parents have, including myself? FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, my mom came to my room to tell me that there were guests coming over. Five minutes later, she came to my room to scream at me for not doing the dishes, “like she just told me.” When? FML
Today, my parents started nagging me yet again to have kids. When I pointed out that I already do, they scoffed and said that my five step-kids don't count. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
Today, I was doing homework in the living room when my mom came in and started blasting music and cleaning. When I asked if she could turn it off so I could study, she bitched at me about "My house, my rules." She also has a rule that we can’t do homework in our rooms because of too many distractions. FML
Today, I overheard my parents arguing over who had to tell me that I'm adopted. FML
Today, my mom casually told me, "Remember that time we went to build a swing set when you were four? Actually, I was going to hang myself and take you with me so that you didn't suffer in this life. If it wasn't for your Grandma, we wouldn't be here now. And when I took you to the lake… Oh, silly me!" Cool, mom. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, I actually had to spell out to my parents that if you don't want someone to repeat the same thing several times, you have to acknowledge that you're listening to them. I've had several occasions where I said something to them 3-5 times, thinking they weren't listening, but then they snapped, "WE HEARD YOU!" FML
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Top comments
Shzusuziq11 12
I hope you don't think they only had sex those 5 times??
Chazzster 32
I think Mom though she was being clever and funny - Her intended audience was probably your dad, not you. God only knows if you and all your siblings were intentionally or “accidents”. But you can learn from this that if you are going to have sex, use birth control or a condom unless you really want children.
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Comments (4)
Shzusuziq11 12
I hope you don't think they only had sex those 5 times??
Chazzster 32
I think Mom though she was being clever and funny - Her intended audience was probably your dad, not you. God only knows if you and all your siblings were intentionally or “accidents”. But you can learn from this that if you are going to have sex, use birth control or a condom unless you really want children.
RichardPencil 32
Not enough information to solve this puzzle. I'll just guess that 5 of you are unwanted accidents. I hope you're one of the planned pregnancies. If you are assuming that 1 ejaculation = 1 baby, it just doesn't work that way.
wrenavery90 12
And???