Today, at a party, a fly flew into my mouth. I spat it out, and in an effort to wash my mouth out, I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I coughed so much I threw up, then whilst recovering from throwing up, a fly flew into my mouth and I ate it. I then promptly threw up again. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML
Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML
Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML
Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML
Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML
Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML
Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML
Today, I just drank a sip of beer and felt something so I spit it out... It was an earwig. FML
Today, I was craving a cold Coke, so I grabbed one from the freezer where I had put it to chill quickly. As soon as I opened it, the can exploded all over me and the kitchen. I spent the next hour cleaning sticky residue off the floor, surrounding furniture, and even the ceiling. FML
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Top comments
perstephane 4
Gross - but that's why you don't drink random things at parties. That, and a million other reasons...
perdix 31
You probably gave that fly lung cancer!
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Comments (55)
DefyingGravity 0
Oh, I almost did that, too. It would have sucked if I hadn't noticed the stuff I would have been drinking was black and thick.
Ninjaface 0
So, what other random things that you find do you put in your mouth? You could have gone to a back room and been the life of the party. It probably would have tasted better too.
DeadManRollin 6
YDI, never drink from opened cans or other people's cans. I wonder why so many people voted otherwise
idiotkid 0
Smokers are annoying? All smokers? Forgive me for repeating myself, but I'm trying to understand; you're saying that ALL people, despite their personalities completely, are annoying simply because they smoke?
lookastar 0
retard
frikkinhannah 0
I think what 44 meant was that smoking itself is annoying.
frikkinhannah 0
*Edit, 34. 44 was the one the comment was directed at.
SheeellBii 0
Yukk..
Autoshot 9
The only one I feel bad for here is the fly.
accb 7
c'mon!