Miscellaneous: Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found... - FML

By Autocorrected - Philippines - Makati

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

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Out of it

Covid 19 ain't going anywhere

Masterchef 2020

By Noname - Canada

Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked "why does it smell so bad?" I replied "sweat". FML

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By ugh - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML

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By Shinobi_3 - United States

Today, while I was eating, a fly kept pissing me off. After three minutes of it buzzing around, I caught it and killed it. Then, without realizing it, I smeared its guts all over the front of my shirt. FML

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By IVOaf - United States

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2021 11:01 - Canada - Mirabel

Fuck this pandemic

Today, working from home and to escape my own toddler, I moved my work area into the bedroom. Perfect timing for the neighbor's toddler to scream at the top of his lungs. All day long, underneath my bedroom. I just wanted some peace and quiet to work. FML

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By cocoapuffs4life - Canada - Aurora

Today, I was told by my manager to make sure the supervisor on shift does his job. Last month I was told I couldn't be a supervisor. Apparently I can supervise someone who earns more than I do though. FML

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By GladYoureConcerned - United States - Glendale

Today, after we had sex, my boyfriend told me how my orgasms used to make him think I was having a seizure. FML

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By Fairymyass - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

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By MeAgainDr... - Australia - South Perth

Today, I finally got to a point where I could ask my mother about how enthusiastically she used to beat me. First sentence out of her mouth was, "It didn't change your behaviour, but it did make me feel better." FML

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By freed - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

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By Becky - United Kingdom - Dorchester

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

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By Again - United States - Pell City

Today, I received my replacement debit card in the mail after losing my previous one. I've already lost my new one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as a joke, my friends plastic wrapped me to my bed while I was sleeping, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic and had to have the girl I like come cut me out and give me my meds. I sleep naked and was unable to put on clothes during this time. She saw me naked, swollen and with hives. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

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By worthless - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't wear deodorant and has horrible dandruff, decided to shower for the first time in nearly a week because he got invited out to a bar. He didn't even invite me to go with him. FML

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By cookiecrust - Singapore

Today, I found out from my mom that the sweet smelling shampoo she bought recently belongs to Tammi. I've been using it for a week now. The chocolate drops I ate yesterday are also hers. Tammi is our pet Chihuahua. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 20:02

Clumsy

Today, I was making Cup Noodles for breakfast. After microwaving it for 3 minutes, I carefully grabbed the cup to pour some water out, but my hand gave out and some water spilled on it. Now I have a burned hand and no noodles. FML

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By lovingthis - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

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By Champs - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I was in a very crowded train coming home from work. I saw a cute guy sitting across from me. As I lifted my one leg to hook it over my other leg, I let out a loud fart. All I could do was sit there and wait for my stop. FML

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By hakuna matata - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

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By ConstantChoas

Today, I found out the procedure manual I've been creating for months and finally finished is going to be used to train the person replacing me. FML

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By akiza - Japan

Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my 16 year-old daughter tried to convince me that tampons don't actually work, all because she can still pee with one in. FML

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By PollingLow - United States - Decatur

Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML

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By Candy - United States

Today, my mom bought me some expensive Japanese candy. I opened it, and saw that each chewy candy was wrapped in a thin, hard to peel off wrapper. After trying to get each wrapper off, I determined they were unopen-able and threw them away. I then read the box, saying the wrappers were edible. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to walk home in the rain because my mom didn't want to get her new car wet. FML

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By ihateeverything - United States

Today, the dentist had to give me a lot of novacaine because my mouth wasn't becoming numb. After the 4th time the entire right side of my mouth was numb, except for the 2 teeth getting worked on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to pour myself a cup of coffee and noticed our kittens were playing in the living room. Transfixed by the cuteness, I didn't notice I started pouring hot coffee on my hand and foot. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my mother told me she's planning on taking the next two weeks "off". She is unemployed and on disability, and spends her days on the couch watching Netflix. Off from what? FML

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By thrifty gone wrong - United States - El Cajon

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

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By newkid

Today, I was so lonely, I dragged out a conversation with a lady who called to get me to make an appointment to give blood. FML

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By NotASize0 - Denmark

Fingers crossed

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

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By MMM - United States - Saco

Unwanted guest

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

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By Anonymous

Alarmed

Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML

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By Kimmikoto - Canada - Cambridge

Today, the vet told me that my cat is too fat to be able to wipe her own ass. I had to go Walmart to purchase pet wipes to clean her butt. FML

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By GarageSallin

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

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By Kayla

Today, it's the third day in a row that my classmate next to me has brought green bean casserole to eat in class. The last two days I could hold back my vomit, but today I couldn't. FML

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By Rayvyn - United States

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

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Top comments

By liv_graham | 7

#5188192 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:52

Fuck your life indeed. It's really your parents fault though. I'm suggesting for Christmas buy your mother an ash tray, and your father sensible seasonings.

By FizzyApple | 3

#5188216 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

One time I drank my step-dad's chewing tobacco spit from a soda bottle. I feel your pain.

COMMENTS

By NzaHaFML | 13

#5188180 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:50

Next time, try asking your dad what type of soup he's making to avoid this.

Reply

isitinmybedroom | 11

#5188188 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:52

That just sounds like a dirty joke

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#5188197 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:52

I disagree. If all people thought that we would have less porn.

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#5188287 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:10

1- I think it's less about what type of soup he's making, and more about the type (and quantity) of seasoning that he's using.

Reply

thenamestaco171 | 2

#5195872 - Wednesday 28 November 2012 23:00

In my household it is extremely rude to ask what you are having to eat. It shows that you have something you do not want to eat, and therefore waste good food.

Reply

ToxicTyrael | 26

#6219512 - Monday 2 March 2015 23:12

#100 where are you from?

By liv_graham | 7

#5188192 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:52

Fuck your life indeed. It's really your parents fault though. I'm suggesting for Christmas buy your mother an ash tray, and your father sensible seasonings.

Reply

BradyT918 | 9

#5188802 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 1:21

The ash tray is a good choice. But you can never have to much hot sauce. Never

Reply

fmfreakinlife | 3

#5189369 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 4:53

It will put hair on their chest. Life happens.

Reply

pokefan813 | 16

#5190020 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 7:39

69 - you say that now, but when you are on the toilet, your thoughts will be different.

Reply

Meettitan | 14

#5190354 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 9:48

Fuck that; fill their stockings with coal, and don't come out of your room on Christmas.

Reply

liv_graham | 7

#5190619 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 12:39

Do you know how much coal is worth now? If OP wanted to be cruel, they could just give them lint.

By Mrjangleybits | 1

#5188201 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:52

You have am awesome family

Reply

louiserosen | 4

#5188250 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:57

No.

Reply

OhAidan | 7

#5188475 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:55

How does this even make OP's family awesome?

Reply

Acik91 | 26

#5188512 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:07

Well, it could have been an attempt at sarcasm, I guess?

Reply

Rosie_Posie43 | 12

#5188561 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:24

If my family made my life seem like a home alone skit... Well hell yeah they'd be pretty awesome

By anythingmustbe | 18

#5188204 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:53

I guess you were in the soup.
But never mind rise from the ashes of defeat and prank your dad back.

Reply

Nightwing98 | 22

#5188378 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:36

These puns get dumber every time a new FML comes out.

Reply

MrClean17 | 15

#5188510 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:06

"I guess you were in the soup."

This has to be the worst pun I've seen in a while on this site.

Reply

Axipiter | 24

#5188564 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:24

The idea is that it's supposed to seem at least somewhat natural, and not like you were trying wayyy too hard. Failure.

Reply

cristy91 | 33

#5189200 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 3:19

51, I'd be careful saying that, someone might take it as a challenge

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#5190410 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 10:12

Yes, because OP was in soup.

Reply

AllyyK | 9

#5190474 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 11:01

#6 ' You were in the soup' Well, atleast you can say you tried. You should probably leave the 'funny' comments and puns to the people who are actually.. Funny?

By Harpy20 | 24

#5188213 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:53

Between that and bugs, cans are always bad news after being left unattended. I would've skipped the can and hit the sink. FYL.

Reply

sirpantselot | 22

#5188664 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:56

Also soda is just the worst after spicy food. Mouth burn!!

Reply

the_smart_way | 10

#5188708 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 1:03

What did the sink ever do to you?

Reply

PinkieKeen | 20

#5189939 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 6:44

Soda just shakes the hotness around.
Jamaican food.
;-;.

By FizzyApple | 3

#5188216 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

One time I drank my step-dad's chewing tobacco spit from a soda bottle. I feel your pain.

Reply

iOceanus | 18

#5188332 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:23

That's...so disgusting...

By chriswright1888 | 10

#5188218 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

Your dad sounds like an idiot. You should plot revenge

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#5188295 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:11

He's an idiot for using too much hot sauce? He probably put in an amount that he finds enjoyable, and OP just didn't have a high enough tolerance for it... not exactly an "idiot" moment.

Reply

CharresBarkrey | 15

#5188419 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:45

No, OP's probably just a pussy with spicy foods.

By VaanBasch | 1

#5188222 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

YDI for going for a soda can that you didn't even open yourself.

Reply

Alliente | 9

#5188473 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:55

Oh Yeah, He's so in the wrong for trying to put out the flames in his mouth with the nearest open drink that happened to be filled with ash. Lets poor hot sauce down your throat and see how well you fare.

Reply

LairaIsKindaCool | 6

#5188519 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:10

It was in OPs own house.. I doubt it'd be roofied.

By T9FTW | 20

#5188224 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

shoenice?

Reply

T9FTW | 20

#5190862 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 15:16

Does no one know that I'm referencing shoenice22, the YouTube? Sheesh, those thumb downs are harsh!

By kyleekay | 25

#5188225 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

I don't think that's what the hot sauce company had envisioned when they created the "smokey" flavored hot sauce.

Reply

tsent8 | 15

#5188408 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:42

Oh you