Miscellaneous: Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found... - FML

By Autocorrected - Philippines - Makati

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29379

You deserved it

3340

Tweet

Share

Late term

BO Central

Marxism intensifies

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37338

You deserved it

3247

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9296

You deserved it

1540

Tweet

Share

By Mangled Shoelace - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7127

You deserved it

2035

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - College Park

Today, I got jumpscared, by my freshly-bathed grandma coming out of the bathroom without a towel on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19642

You deserved it

1520

Tweet

Share

By ProudMother - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34658

You deserved it

4599

Tweet

Share

By Anonim23

Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1502

You deserved it

213

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3441

You deserved it

536

Tweet

Share

By Chouse - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

23703

You deserved it

2667

Tweet

Share

By NoPromotionForYou - 7/5/2020 14:00

The sweet smell of success

Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1382

You deserved it

563

Tweet

Share

By Embarassed - Canada

Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42445

You deserved it

8069

Tweet

Share

By ugh - United States

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30308

You deserved it

9463

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32587

You deserved it

18226

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Novi

Today, after being married for 20 years, I found out that my wife has accounts on multiple dating sites, "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44886

You deserved it

3558

Tweet

Share

By Catremorse - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1283

You deserved it

511

Tweet

Share

By dieold - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriends house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles I slipped my hand into her sisters back pocket and squeeze her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8753

You deserved it

33932

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14706

You deserved it

53345

Tweet

Share

By Byepax - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom found out I'm failing three classes. Now she won't let me go to a convention I bought passes for weeks in advance. Each pass was $45, and I bought 2 more for my friends. You do the math on that, because I apparently can't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18046

You deserved it

45471

Tweet

Share

By kvdfan - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28152

You deserved it

3476

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52031

You deserved it

5209

Tweet

Share

By lacy - United States - Louisville

Today, I told my husband to give our dog a bath while I was at work. When I returned home, I found my dog, along with my husband, in the bath together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45269

You deserved it

10333

Tweet

Share

By Joey - United States

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41579

You deserved it

2456

Tweet

Share

By BirthdayBoy - United States - Madison

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32893

You deserved it

3126

Tweet

Share

By The Dishwasher - Canada - Guelph

Today, I started work at catering company. I was aware that I'd be cleaning dishes, but they forgot to warn me how many. Needless to say, after polishing 527 glasses, my hands hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3618

You deserved it

1074

Tweet

Share

By SilverAuthor - United States - Detroit

Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15251

You deserved it

2037

Tweet

Share

By shilpajayseanfan - Canada

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23204

You deserved it

54458

Tweet

Share

By thisblows - United States

Today, I was at a professional hockey game. I wasn't paying attention and a puck was shot into the stands and hit me in the face. My mouth was bleeding and I lost two teeth. As I was trying to cough up my teeth the old man next to me shoved me over and stole the puck. Everyone cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72975

You deserved it

5548

Tweet

Share

By notsoonenufdeparted - United States

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46177

You deserved it

4785

Tweet

Share

By sucker - United States - Milton

Today, after months of believing my marriage has been better than ever, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with our neighbor. I can't afford to move, and I have to see the fake-titted homewrecker every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33958

You deserved it

2460

Tweet

Share

By toazt - United States

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37402

You deserved it

3483

Tweet

Share

By whatisthisshit

Hellooooo, Social Services?

Today, I spent two hours convincing my 3-year-old son that he can't poop on his 4-month-old brother out of retaliation for the baby pooping on him. He did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5366

You deserved it

673

Tweet

Share

By stupid useless criminal

Today, I saw a young child passed out unattended in a hot car so I smashed the windows to rescue him. After waiting with him for 30 minutes, his mom came out and called the cops on me. I officially have a probation violation and the mom went home free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5444

You deserved it

532

Tweet

Share

By bumblebee - United States

Today, my boyfriend complained that we may not work out because I'm "just too needy". I'd woken up early and texted him "good morning" while he was trying to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24634

You deserved it

9630

Tweet

Share

By childhoodupinsmoke - United States - Austin

Today, I realized that the comforting, unique scent of my mother in my childhood was actually the smell of the marijuana she smokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33014

You deserved it

3481

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/6/2020 20:08

Really close

Today, my sister made her engagement official on Facebook. When I shared the post to spread the word, people didn't read her boyfriend's name, and I started getting questions on why my sister and I were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1329

You deserved it

265

Tweet

Share

By cortanaisahobot - Canada - Toronto

Hot and… greasy

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29483

You deserved it

6184

Tweet

Share

By Jessie - United States

Today, I got stuck listening to my coworker bang on about how sexy her fiancé is for almost an hour. She told me about their sex life, described his dick in great detail, and showed me pictures of him shirtless. My coworker is 49; her fiancé is 56 and overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46567

You deserved it

4619

Tweet

Share

By STUPID BIRTHDAY - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I set up a dinner party for 20 of my closest friends. I arrived at the restaurant, fully dressed and everything. When I got there, I thought everyone was ready to surprise me, but instead, nobody showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

103918

You deserved it

6897

Tweet

Share

By LAXsucks - United States

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14910

You deserved it

36707

Tweet

Share

By Nice 2 inch - Canada

Today, my grandpa told us he wanted to fit in. His idea of fitting in is streaking in a park at 4:00 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33221

You deserved it

3579

Tweet

Share

By yogabbagabba - United States

Today, I fell asleep during naptime. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20159

You deserved it

38672

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By liv_graham | 7

#5188192 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:52

Fuck your life indeed. It's really your parents fault though. I'm suggesting for Christmas buy your mother an ash tray, and your father sensible seasonings.

By FizzyApple | 3

#5188216 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

One time I drank my step-dad's chewing tobacco spit from a soda bottle. I feel your pain.

COMMENTS

By NzaHaFML | 13

#5188180 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:50

Next time, try asking your dad what type of soup he's making to avoid this.

Reply

isitinmybedroom | 11

#5188188 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:52

That just sounds like a dirty joke

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#5188197 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:52

I disagree. If all people thought that we would have less porn.

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#5188287 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:10

1- I think it's less about what type of soup he's making, and more about the type (and quantity) of seasoning that he's using.

Reply

thenamestaco171 | 2

#5195872 - Wednesday 28 November 2012 23:00

In my household it is extremely rude to ask what you are having to eat. It shows that you have something you do not want to eat, and therefore waste good food.

Reply

ToxicTyrael | 26

#6219512 - Monday 2 March 2015 23:12

#100 where are you from?

By liv_graham | 7

#5188192 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:52

Fuck your life indeed. It's really your parents fault though. I'm suggesting for Christmas buy your mother an ash tray, and your father sensible seasonings.

Reply

BradyT918 | 9

#5188802 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 1:21

The ash tray is a good choice. But you can never have to much hot sauce. Never

Reply

fmfreakinlife | 3

#5189369 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 4:53

It will put hair on their chest. Life happens.

Reply

pokefan813 | 16

#5190020 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 7:39

69 - you say that now, but when you are on the toilet, your thoughts will be different.

Reply

Meettitan | 14

#5190354 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 9:48

Fuck that; fill their stockings with coal, and don't come out of your room on Christmas.

Reply

liv_graham | 7

#5190619 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 12:39

Do you know how much coal is worth now? If OP wanted to be cruel, they could just give them lint.

By Mrjangleybits | 1

#5188201 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:52

You have am awesome family

Reply

louiserosen | 4

#5188250 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:57

No.

Reply

OhAidan | 7

#5188475 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:55

How does this even make OP's family awesome?

Reply

Acik91 | 26

#5188512 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:07

Well, it could have been an attempt at sarcasm, I guess?

Reply

Rosie_Posie43 | 12

#5188561 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:24

If my family made my life seem like a home alone skit... Well hell yeah they'd be pretty awesome

By anythingmustbe | 18

#5188204 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:53

I guess you were in the soup.
But never mind rise from the ashes of defeat and prank your dad back.

Reply

Nightwing98 | 22

#5188378 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:36

These puns get dumber every time a new FML comes out.

Reply

MrClean17 | 15

#5188510 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:06

"I guess you were in the soup."

This has to be the worst pun I've seen in a while on this site.

Reply

Axipiter | 24

#5188564 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:24

The idea is that it's supposed to seem at least somewhat natural, and not like you were trying wayyy too hard. Failure.

Reply

cristy91 | 33

#5189200 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 3:19

51, I'd be careful saying that, someone might take it as a challenge

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#5190410 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 10:12

Yes, because OP was in soup.

Reply

AllyyK | 9

#5190474 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 11:01

#6 ' You were in the soup' Well, atleast you can say you tried. You should probably leave the 'funny' comments and puns to the people who are actually.. Funny?

By Harpy20 | 24

#5188213 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:53

Between that and bugs, cans are always bad news after being left unattended. I would've skipped the can and hit the sink. FYL.

Reply

sirpantselot | 22

#5188664 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:56

Also soda is just the worst after spicy food. Mouth burn!!

Reply

the_smart_way | 10

#5188708 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 1:03

What did the sink ever do to you?

Reply

PinkieKeen | 20

#5189939 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 6:44

Soda just shakes the hotness around.
Jamaican food.
;-;.

By FizzyApple | 3

#5188216 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

One time I drank my step-dad's chewing tobacco spit from a soda bottle. I feel your pain.

Reply

iOceanus | 18

#5188332 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:23

That's...so disgusting...

By chriswright1888 | 10

#5188218 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

Your dad sounds like an idiot. You should plot revenge

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#5188295 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:11

He's an idiot for using too much hot sauce? He probably put in an amount that he finds enjoyable, and OP just didn't have a high enough tolerance for it... not exactly an "idiot" moment.

Reply

CharresBarkrey | 15

#5188419 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:45

No, OP's probably just a pussy with spicy foods.

By VaanBasch | 1

#5188222 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

YDI for going for a soda can that you didn't even open yourself.

Reply

Alliente | 9

#5188473 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:55

Oh Yeah, He's so in the wrong for trying to put out the flames in his mouth with the nearest open drink that happened to be filled with ash. Lets poor hot sauce down your throat and see how well you fare.

Reply

LairaIsKindaCool | 6

#5188519 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 0:10

It was in OPs own house.. I doubt it'd be roofied.

By T9FTW | 20

#5188224 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

shoenice?

Reply

T9FTW | 20

#5190862 - Tuesday 27 November 2012 15:16

Does no one know that I'm referencing shoenice22, the YouTube? Sheesh, those thumb downs are harsh!

By kyleekay | 25

#5188225 - Monday 26 November 2012 22:54

I don't think that's what the hot sauce company had envisioned when they created the "smokey" flavored hot sauce.

Reply

tsent8 | 15

#5188408 - Monday 26 November 2012 23:42

Oh you