Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Today, I had been sick all day, so to cheer me up my dad drove me to get ice cream. On our way back, we hit a puppy. FML
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Top comments
Nordah 15
You lost me at "spray tan".
DocBastard 40
If I had a nickel for every time I left my underwear in my hair...
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Comments (120)
fordguy302 6
at least it wasn't a shity diaper
MsConfusedd 27
Who ties their hair with a shitty diaper?
ajeyness 10
Reference to a previous fml but your username made that comment so much better
MsConfusedd 27
And yes I realize you were referencing a previous fml
nycwrestler 17
He tried, but failed to reference a previous fml.
seandoc 13
Shitty*
cartedor 18
Wahahaha shitty diaper.
tjv3 10
You carry an extra thong with you?
sens3sfailing 25
It still is funny if done tastefully
Clearly 7
Hopefully it wasn't dirty...
Nordah 15
You lost me at "spray tan".
perdix 31
Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Boehner?
shannonreneee 11
Not all tans turn out ridiculously brown or orange. A lot of models require them by clients, and it is a better alternative than laying out for hours on end in the sun. Increasing chances of premature aging and skin cancer.
WcED 8
Cool story
ALlamaOnFire 20
Bro* ;)
MsConfusedd 27
I tell people if something like this happens. Hearing it from one stranger is WAY less awkward than knowing 100 laughed at you.
poccocurantes 7
G, string must be hard to come by.
Collisionn 11
Just because of the spray tan, you deserve it miss oompa-loompa.
eb0ny 15
The hive mind of this website is so anti-spray tan that its ridiculous. Many fake tans look pretty natural and not orange at all. If someone wants to get a spray tan because that's how they want their own skin to look, they shouldn't be ridiculed for it and called an "oompa loompa".
DocBastard 40
If I had a nickel for every time I left my underwear in my hair...
mybluedream 8
I'd probably have about 25 cents.
ICastillo 25
I don't know I'm just going with my gut feeling, but Im guessing you would be broke Doc....
DocBastard 40
If that's what you think, then I believe you didn't know me in college.
SirCharles83 13
I'd say having 25 cents is being broke.
ICastillo 25
Well I guess it's not a party unless you wake up with your underwear on your head. But what would you do, if you woke up with your underwear in the right place and some skid marked tighty whities on your head?
pags123 6
that's always fun
txgirl2013 14
"Mommy what's in your hair?" "Oh hunny it's just a fancy hair tie" rule of thumb: keep hair ties handy
GuessWhatKids 13
A daughter should know what a thong is..
rachelphillie 1
34 not necessarily. I didn't until about 5th grade, and I don't think girls younger than that would need to know. We don't know how old OP's daughter is.
nycwrestler 17
A mom getting a spray tan? Who do you think you are, Snooki?
beddington 7
At least she has good taste in underwear. The story would have been much worse had it been her granny panties....
DanielleinDC 34
Or that creepy tanning mom from New Jersey who used a tanning bed instead of the spray tan.
PlaidPanda 9
I just can't imagine you having a clean thong with you at a tanning place... Unless you keep back up in your purse I guess.
ICastillo 25
Well I bet you look funny a orange person running around with a thing on your head. You don't see that everyday.
Carmstro 13
Depends where you go.