Today, I was talking to an old man I met at a store. He just wanted to know a few things, and he asked about my day. I explained a few bad things that'd happened, then I thanked him for listening. He then asked, "So, how are we gonna do this?" He thought we were gonna fuck. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML
Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML
Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML
Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML
Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML
Today, my ex-boyfriend came over. After I'd finished pouring my heart out to him about how much I missed him, and how much I loved him, he looked at me and asked, "So are we gonna do it, or what?" FML
Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML
Today, my ex started our conversation with, "How are you?" I asked whether this was just a way of greeting me, or if he genuinely wanted to know. He affirmed that he really wanted to know, then proceeded to talk about his work for the next two hours. FML
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML
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Top comments
brookenicolee29 27
Someone has seen a little too much ****.
Fern_Gully 20
That old dog wanted you to teach him some new tricks... O.o
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Comments (37)
keiNan_fml 35
what the ****.
ColonelCusswords 24
******* was the whole point
rnayyyyy 12
Why would you tell a random stranger all your problems?
PharmacyJoe 13
Because venting helps a lot of people, and your friends could squeal about your problems to mutual friends. It's like what people do on this site: They tell strangers their problems in relative anonymity so that they can vent without telling everyone else in their lives.
vampivy23 16
That is literally the entire premise of FML.
ColonelCusswords 24
Old dog needs to learn some new tricks
Polynomial 28
Too little, too late. Not funny.
ColonelCusswords 24
Insult to injury
Captain_Debilos_fml 13
Say yes if he has a lot of money to give you in exchange.
noonenoeone 22
Pics? I've got money...
enginsteve 17
I don't, but hey, I've got personality!
flyingmind_fml 17
children are not to blame :/
91hayek 31
This is how we're doing this: I'm going to go over there and help that other gentleman, and you are going to go home and ride your stair lift to your afternoon nap before I lick my lips and give you a heart attack. Bye.
Ed1998 16
What a perv
_Zobo_ 3
"So, how are we going to do this?" Slowly, I imagine :)
Brandi_Faith 34
Preferably not at all.
Goblin182 27
Hey, if he stood and listened to you whine about your day there should be some payoff.
DoomedGemini 38
Despite what some people seem to think, being a decent or kind human being to someone you find attractive does not mean they owe you anything.
FlyersHockey 9
Poor old man, still thinks he's young and wild.