Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wanted to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
Today, I heard a scream that sounded suspiciously like my cat when he's just had a nightmare or is otherwise in a state of extreme distress. I found him chilling on my couch, so I walked back to my room, when I heard the scream again. I ran back and he was still chilling. It was my neighbor's son screaming outside. FML
Today, around 2:00 a.m. I had just sat down on my couch when I noticed one of my cats poking at what appeared to be a toy. I attempted to pick it up to play with the cat when it started to move like a mouse. I squealed like a girl and woke up my wife upstairs. I'm a 26-year-old man. FML
Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
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Top comments
ceddyz17 10
a badger? is she that hairy
Awahso 25
Wow, self esteem boost for her
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Comments (182)
sincerely331 0
This FML is really NOT funny nor should it be considered as an FML. I feel insulted & that's not even my child. OP, I suggest you adopt your child to better parents, ones that won't confuse her with a badger...
tahvoh 3
hahaha your husband screamed with you..haha
marissakmnn 0
And she was just standing/sitting there? Hm...
ackboy24 0
prolly scared the crap out the kid
rlatpffl86 0
i don't understand how a badger was the first thing that came to mind, hahaha.
xhk20x 0
hahaha that is gold! def not an fml, just a hilarious story
pomplemussy 0
Poor child. But why badger?
sixtwoazn 0
Wait... your husband started screaming with you? Did he scream like a girl, too?
Cookie4U 0
Badgers, Badgers, Badgers, Badgers Badgers, Badgers, Badgers, Badgers MUSHROOM!! MUSHROOM!! Badgers, Badgers, Badgers, Badgers Badgers, Badgers, Badgers, Badgers MUSHROOM!! MUSHROOM!!
hwp123 0
gemzroxya 0
your kid wont be getting boy trouble later in lifw if shes that hairy, oh unless she meets a yetti or something. goodluck paying for her monthly beard waxing :)