Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML
Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen and found a friend of my sister's stripped down to just her panties changing her clothes. In the kitchen. She had the nerve to call me a peeping Tom and slap me. Why was she even here without my sister, and why couldn’t she use the bathroom to change? FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML
Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML
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Top comments
hotforkegger 4
HOARDER!!! RUN WHILE U CAN!!!
Finnick_fml 12
That's utterly bizarre. Maybe they're playing a prank on you, you can seriously ask them to tell you the truth .... Or break into your girlfriend's house. Take your pick :p
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Comments (295)
nerdywhiteguy 4
Creeper
Roo79 1
You shouldn't have asked! You stand on her door step...say bye...and than get a squirrelly look in your eye while informing her you REALLY have to poop! She has to let you in or she dosnt love you!
bailey4157 2
I really want to know what's in her house now..
ma12r 22
Don't worry OP they're totally pranking you if they spoke in old English it is definitely a prank especially if her best friend did it too.
l23VIVE 17
MIDDLE ENGLISH!!!
SadisticStephyy 21
I don't know, I kinda like it. Maybe it's because I'm some nerdy girl whose been going around saying she's Spiderman(Generic Spiderman, not Marvel Comic's Spider-Man, since I'm not a man) because she has a spider bite. Either way I kinda like this... Ehh here comes the thumbs down...
DaddyLongStroke 1
Run. Run fast.
Kb0940 2
maybe shes a hoarder and is embarassed of her house bc she has a lazy family that wont help or do anything? idk lol but i would look into that..make sure she doesnt come from a family of weird pshycological problems lol..but i definitley wanna do a "b
missunderstanded 5
maybe you should not see, and maybe you should run like hell away from her too!
mhuffman25 0
Hahaha!
chasec23 4
Illuminati...