Love: Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me,... - FML

By can't win - 13/01/2015 16:25 - Australia

Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 406

You deserved it 3 431

The smell detective is on the case

Our house, in the middle of our street

Leave spiders alone

Get with the times

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 14:00

Today, I went to mediation with 5 managers and a coworker I do not get along with. Everyone in the room was at least 20 years younger than me, and the entire meeting was them telling me to drag myself into the present century and basically do whatever the younger, "smarter" people say, or else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 318

By sarahwittman - 13/06/2011 22:29 - United States

Today, my aunt and I went shopping. When we got to the store, she said she forgot her wallet, and I told her I would buy some things for her. When we were at the checkout, I was a dollar short. She said, "Oh, I'll get it!" and pulled out her wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 251

You deserved it 4 885

By anthony512 - 24/05/2013 16:08 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after a sleepless night, I fell asleep at my work desk. When I awoke, I found my co-workers had duct taped me to my chair. I was yelling at them to untape me, when our boss came in, scolded me for fucking about on the job, and left without saying a word to my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 906

You deserved it 12 721

By lakb - 13/12/2010 15:27

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 523

You deserved it 25 866

By well SHIT - 27/02/2014 21:46 - United States - Little Elm

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 819

You deserved it 61 580

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 14:00

Today, my ex said I had a lot in common with his new girlfriend. His new, grossly overweight, college drop-out, clinically depressed, constantly pot-smoking girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 360

By Joey - 26/08/2018 13:00

Today, I stepped outside my house for the first time in a year, trying to socialize again. I broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 594

You deserved it 297

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 152

You deserved it 3 986

Get out

By Anonymous - 16/03/2021 11:59 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my abusive ex-husband thought it was a good idea to buy the house next door and start living there immediately. Looks like I gotta move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 60

By hopeyoushityourintestinesout - 08/06/2013 00:16 - United States - Everett

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 116

You deserved it 4 865

By whatismydadthinking - 06/08/2009 08:45 - Australia

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 376

You deserved it 3 305

By Rakoric - 16/04/2017 22:00

Today, my wife and I went kayaking for the first time in the ocean. She got seasick and just before she threw up, leaned over the side and tipped the kayak over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 773

You deserved it 400

By Owen - 07/11/2012 18:39 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my teacher wore a bikini at the pool. She is 68. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 900

You deserved it 4 690

By neverStopLaughin - 04/10/2009 20:31 - United States

Today, I moved out of my parents basement. After I hugged my parents I walked out the door only to remember I left my phone in the kitchen. I open the door and see my parents dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 124

You deserved it 14 040

By Danana - 26/01/2009 21:08 - Canada

Today, one of the kids I was babysitting tried to hard boil eggs using the microwave. You cannot hard boil eggs using the microwave. It makes a mess. This we have learned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 535

You deserved it 22 750

By Noname - 28/01/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I went into my office and told my boss that I hated my job and was quitting on the spot. I tried to leave quickly but I slipped and fell on the marble floor right in front of everybody during my exit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 090

You deserved it 6 296

By Anonymous - 13/06/2013 18:56 - India - Pune

Today, I decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. My dad just looked him dead in the eyes and said, "How much did she pay you? I doubt it was enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 357

You deserved it 3 819

By anonymous - 08/03/2010 15:12 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law grounded me because I went to the store in the "dangerous" rain. My husband says that if I don't obey then we won't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 551

You deserved it 4 961

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 16:46 - United States

Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 572

You deserved it 9 917

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 411

You deserved it 6 545

The Force is weak with this one

By fuck Star Wars - 14/09/2020 10:02

Today, I sat through 9 gruelling hours of Star Wars with my boyfriend. I hate those movies with a passion and frankly would rather get a pap smear from Wolverine than watch them. Afterwards, he dumped me for yawning, saying that I didn’t take a “serious” interest in his favorite things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 848

By Anonymous - 30/01/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, upon waking up, I took a sip on what I thought was a cup of water on my nightstand. I quickly discovered it was my roommate's cup of used mouthwash which she was too lazy to throw out the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 826

You deserved it 8 614

Do me a solid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 20:01

Today, and for the last six months, I've been on a medication that greatly improves the main symptoms of my chronic illness. Too bad it also gives me chronic diarrhea. I feel much better and can function better than I have since my teens, but I haven't taken a solid dump in half a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 55

Gummy

By speechless - 02/11/2010 17:20 - Canada

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 870

You deserved it 3 733

By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 23:17 - United States

Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 954

You deserved it 36 818

By Noname - 22/02/2009 06:14 - Australia

Today, I did my work, the work of my co-worker who called in sick and the work of my boss who has no idea what the hell is going on all at the same time. I didn't get a promotion because I don't work hard enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 260

You deserved it 3 188

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 653

By Laurita - 18/08/2017 04:30

Today, we started building our dream house. Next to my parents-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 279

You deserved it 758

By samabomination - 02/06/2013 08:29 - United States - Monroeville

Today, my step-dad's three year old granddaughter slept over. She insisted she didn't need a diaper to go to sleep and they put her in my bed with me, actually believing that she didn't need a diaper. Not only did she kick me all night, but I had the joy of waking up to her peeing on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 089

You deserved it 5 672

Best thing to do

By Jerry - 04/01/2021 10:58

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my wife and my buddy from work. They didn’t even stop. I just went to a motel to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 153

By uugnfg - 27/07/2010 04:38 - United States

Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 556

You deserved it 30 292

By fifthtimesacharm - 26/04/2011 15:03

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 844

You deserved it 5 510

By Isoldael - 07/11/2011 09:38 - Netherlands

Today, I caught three kids setting fire to a bush. After chasing them off, I parked my bike by a house and went to get water. After I'd put the fire out, I walked back to my bike just in time to see the kids running off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 982

You deserved it 5 090

By joonsson - 22/03/2017 20:00

Today, I had to get an EKG device attached for a 24-hour test. Not too bad, but I have to wear a string vest over it, and every time I move, it chafes something crazy. My nipples in particular. Only 22 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 946

You deserved it 275

Feelings

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 00:46 - United States - Beaumont

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 449

You deserved it 9 753

By Anonymous - 10/01/2013 06:13 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 358

You deserved it 3 025

#worthit

By Michelle Jade - 05/09/2018 22:00

Today, I'm lying in a hospital bed with two broken leg bones, a reattached tendon, and four screws holding my leg together. Why? Because I wanted chocolate milk and some asshat didn't see me walking across the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 908

You deserved it 501

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 20:59 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized I could say nothing in my home without being interrupted, talked over, or the subject derailed into a 30 minutes monologue by my housemates. And they wonder why I'm so quiet all the time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 147

By numbtongue - 13/03/2015 04:19 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 818

You deserved it 4 442

By slightlyworried - 05/04/2013 05:28 - United States - Parker

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 064

You deserved it 3 321

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Top comments

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:09

"No dear. I'm just trying to see deep enough into your soul to know if you're worthy enough for sacrifice to the Dark Lord."

BaDumTsss_fml 23

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:07

Wow, paranoid much?

Comments

giantsfan2010 23

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:06

Girl logic....as if you could actually do that.

BaDumTsss_fml 23

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:07

Wow, paranoid much?

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 January 2015 1:04

Maybe she was just busting his balls?

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 January 2015 18:31

I'm always paranoid of stranger pixel girls on a TV screen. They look like might jump out and look at my boyfriend or something....

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 20:53

Are you dating the overly attached girlfriend (meme)

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:09

Sheesh! That would be one strategic way of going about it. I'm sorry OP, she sounds like she could be insecure, I think you should talk to her about that to prevent future absurdities.

Classy_Sassy_15 15

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:38

Just explain that you were looking into her eyes not the women in the game.

thomasrasmussen7 20

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:09

Well, ball is life.

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:09

"No dear. I'm just trying to see deep enough into your soul to know if you're worthy enough for sacrifice to the Dark Lord."

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:11

#5 You're killing me with that comment, it made my day! Hail Satan.

kimeatszombies 22

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:29

I am Satan, Lord of darkness.

Erebus_Terror 12

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:59

You're the Lady of Cuteness.

rocker_chick105 31

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 1:00

15- Bo Burnham reference?

FieldLeftBlank 20

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 4:56

Satan? I thought he meant Voldemort.

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 5:15

Everyone who replied here got bad reviews :P

warsun 27

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 8:00

So did you

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 16:12

wtf how come people here not get a you-know-who reference :O

kimeatszombies 22

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 19:03

I was trying to add a Bo Burnham reference, but no one understood. :P

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 23:29

It could be Voldy! Or it could be Sauron... I'll never tell! :)

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Thursday 15 January 2015 7:13

Hail satan you religious christian-mormon fucks. Go crucify yourself.

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:09

Your girlfriend is really insecure. If she really thinks you could get a good look at girls through the reflection in her eyes, she's got issues.

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Saturday 17 January 2015 2:48

Why would she think you watch girls basketball to check out other girls? She needs to be worried about cheerleading, beach volleyball and the internet.

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:12

Your girl crazy dude

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Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:13

She's probably joking. I cannot see anyone saying that seriously. But if she is serious, then all I can say is run.

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:13

She's obviously been cheating on you with the toaster, and she's trying to cover it up. Break up with her immediately.

Send a private message

Wednesday 14 January 2015 0:14

"Mm look at those .05 millimeter boobs" Your girlfriend is an idiot if she was serious.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 22

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 68