Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML
Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen and found a friend of my sister's stripped down to just her panties changing her clothes. In the kitchen. She had the nerve to call me a peeping Tom and slap me. Why was she even here without my sister, and why couldn’t she use the bathroom to change? FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML
Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML
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Top comments
hotforkegger 4
HOARDER!!! RUN WHILE U CAN!!!
Finnick_fml 12
That's utterly bizarre. Maybe they're playing a prank on you, you can seriously ask them to tell you the truth .... Or break into your girlfriend's house. Take your pick :p
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Comments (295)
irishbohemian 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Thou needs to find another girlfriend...
ilovesuju 10
OP when you don't understand something someone says, just grin and nod and hope it wasn't a question
Harpy20 24
Sounds like the best friend didn't like what she saw. Maybe he should listen.
chetchatter 5
aw shit accidentally thumbed you down sorry :(
golferman72 16
What the heck is wrong with her?!
Trisha_aus 15
Oh c'mon op she sounds mysterious and dangerous, dontcha like bad girls...if you're willing, then go and she'll ask you if you want to play a game..
Spicemelon 5
She's probably keeping her old boyfriend in there.
l23VIVE 17
If you wanted to speak proper middle english you would have said " thou needst to findeth another girlfriend" just saying
YoungMisfit 9
Bitches be crazy
wlddog 14
Sounds like a mystery to me. Time to call Scooby Doo and the gang.
opendoorclosed 8
Can't be that bad, they're probably joking around. Probably just corpses.
Snorlax_Snarf 10
You rock. Bitches always be crazy.. Even do I am 1...
qbert12 3
Lol
jojimugo 20
You need to run
NzaHaFML 13
Use Shakespeare with them too. What light yonder from window break-in.
zainrock 2
After all those thumbs down I bets thou shalt thinketh twice before going all grammar nazi on a someone jokingly writing in "middle English"...eth
l23VIVE 17
I don't get why people bury me when i try to be helpful and point out improper use of middle english. Which btw ^ is the proper term for what OP's girlfriend is using
frankothetanko 0
it's Thors sister
riax 9
:/ She has some weird voodoo shit going on in there. For sure!
cheshire2012 13
I don't know about everyone else but I did it because you were wrong. The correct way would actually be "Thou needst findeth another girlfriend"
gntfmlingnow 12
I think they're probably just pranking him
megamandude455 10
1 Or marry her. The gf sounds awesome
fishereric 1
She's just having some fun with him. I'm thinking she probably put her friend up to it.
julien672 0
Findeth is not a proper old English word. OLD ENGLISH, ************. DOST THOU SPEAK IT? Apparently not.
riax 9
Please break into her house, and tell all of us what dirty secrets has in there!!!!
LAMKWHIM 11
Old English: Hwæt! We Gardena in geardagum etc. (no, not kidding..it's insane) Middle English: Whan that Aprille with hise shoures soote, The droghte of March hath perced to the roote etc. Modern English: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate etc. This is MODERN English, not middle English! Albeit an early form of modern English.
jeff_boles 12
The reason why you got thumbed down so many times is because you are wrong. First of all, that is not middle English, as a previous comment pointed out. Second, The proper way to say it as Shakespeare would is "Thou need to find another girlfriend" Thou=you. And you only say "eth" when the verb ends in "-s". For example, instead of "He finds it." Say "He findeth it." But in this case it shouldn't end in "-s" so there is no need for "eth".
Finnick_fml 12
That's utterly bizarre. Maybe they're playing a prank on you, you can seriously ask them to tell you the truth .... Or break into your girlfriend's house. Take your pick :p
IcedJesus 5
#2 everytime
Xythenol 6
Time to call up Falcone and have a look around. Don't let Raab be the getaway driver.
dude1122332 9
Damn you 22! I was gonna say that..
soccerguy2 11
Op should let somebody else look first. This way he doesn't see something not meant for thine eyes.
mars13_fml 8
I agree that is crazy and a little creepy. But don't break in just have someone else go in with a camera and bring back pictures.
kittenvks 11
I agree with 103, send someone in for photos BUT this is the important part; if they don't come back don't go in after them!!! This sounds like the beginning of a bad horror flick. There are rules to these things OP, follow them
downtime 13
She probably just lives with her parents or is very self conscious about her messy place. They have a sense of humour - get one too.
onlychildFTW 34
You need a new Girlfriend OP just like she needs to not be so weird and creepy.
Azellia 15
158, I agree completely.
ReesieBanana21 12
*beeep* *beeep* Crazy person alert!
HALAL_fml 0
I love your username FINNICK All the way HUNGER GAMES
hotforkegger 4
HOARDER!!! RUN WHILE U CAN!!!
reallytho3 11
GET IN THE CHOPPA!!!
vanessaizawesome 8
Time to call "Hoarders:Buried Alive" !
99megster 15
Hahaha that's awesome
vanessaizawesome 8
Very haha
rocklare18 7
The Florida cannabil disease is spreading..people are going crazy
l23VIVE 17
Skyrim Hoarders people:You need to get rid of those empty bottles! Nord: But i need them. Lydia: get rid of them or i shall carry your burdens no longer!
fymother 13
And she probably hoards body parts of her exes... or worse... FURBIES.
vanessaizawesome 8
NOOOO not the FURBIES!!!! Those things are kinda creepy!
lyskiss 10
Furbies were banned from Australian flights because they thought that furbies would intercept and take over the plane. True story.
vanessaizawesome 8
238- Gotta love how ur picture has 3 furbies in it hahaha
Ceejay1 13
she is shady ,tell her to show ,if not move on ,that's real shady & strange.
Cartera 10
Your picture is also shady. Are you a member of Al Queada?
Rowdey 10
Yes. The Jihad is going strong in San Diego.
PeteyPablo12308 20
Yeah, but it's also pretty shady too. Not to mention shady.
SparkleyTurtle 4
And it's shady.
I_lost_the_game 25
Jeez, how many shadies are there in this thread? Will the real one, please stand up?
thepatty8474 10
Well you did ask her BEST friend, there's gotta be a reason for that..
brittanyayy 8
No, I don't get it...
22cute 17
Maybe her house is dirty or disorganized. Just respect her wishes.
omfg_creepers 8
On the next episode of DEA drug bust at OP's girlfriend's house.
teague95 16
She has a sex dungeon in the basement I bet
TheDrifter 24
One can only hope.
igive 29
who- or even worse- what would be in the dungeon?
IdontWanna69 8
A rape dungeon was the first thing that came to my mind. Glad to see this comment.
kathii01 20
haha! first thing I thought of too!!!
floopyflooper 2
84- A troll could be in the dungeon.
Zeekal 11
Or she's being one
ZX6Rninja 0
Bitches be trippin
hellokatie8 5
..Got your back jack...;D
MrFuzzles 5
It's probably filled with the bodies of her ex boyfriends.
swaggdog72 1
Maybe the wardrobe to narnia is there and her bff couldn't handle seeing aslan
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#51, at first I thought you said that he couldn't handle seeing "Asian"..... Lol. I need to go to bed >.>
TarieBoo 2
she's got R.Kelley trapped in the closet v__v &i thought 51 said 'asian' too haha
KunoKanashimi 3
I thought he said he couldn't handle BEING 'Asian'