Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML
Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen and found a friend of my sister's stripped down to just her panties changing her clothes. In the kitchen. She had the nerve to call me a peeping Tom and slap me. Why was she even here without my sister, and why couldn’t she use the bathroom to change? FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML
Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML
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Top comments
hotforkegger 4
HOARDER!!! RUN WHILE U CAN!!!
Finnick_fml 12
That's utterly bizarre. Maybe they're playing a prank on you, you can seriously ask them to tell you the truth .... Or break into your girlfriend's house. Take your pick :p
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Comments (295)
bluelagoon24 19
Sounds like some kind of in-joke between those two. Albeit she's probably got something she doesn't want you to see. God knows what it is.
l23VIVE 17
For everyone who will say some sheisse about OLDE ENGLISH, OP's girlfriend is using MIDDLE English not Olde English!
Xcherrypie 16
I am impressed by your clear qualification on the English language. I think you'll find that it is well documented that Shakespeare was the first documented use of this syntax. So stop screaming about 'Middle English' now as I find it to be bullshit.
Xcherrypie 16
Trying to own someone and writing 'documented' twice... Boy is my face is red!
hhart90207 0
I think we're supposed to take the lesson learnt from Bluebeard here..
robc32ca 4
I have two words for you ... GET OUT!!!
SmileyLexie123 0
She either has a weird family or her friend is high.
BingleBop 18
I burst out laughing from this. Your girlfriend and her best friend has the same humour as me and my friends!
ImDB8 0
Her house is a slaughter house for prostitutes, so I doubt you wanna see that
hhhwat 0
Aye
juicifer 0
There's torsos in there...
forever_born 6
That makes me think of be afraid be very afraid. ;)