Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML
Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen and found a friend of my sister's stripped down to just her panties changing her clothes. In the kitchen. She had the nerve to call me a peeping Tom and slap me. Why was she even here without my sister, and why couldn’t she use the bathroom to change? FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML
Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML
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Top comments
hotforkegger 4
HOARDER!!! RUN WHILE U CAN!!!
Finnick_fml 12
That's utterly bizarre. Maybe they're playing a prank on you, you can seriously ask them to tell you the truth .... Or break into your girlfriend's house. Take your pick :p
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Comments (295)
donkey79 0
2 words. Meth Lab.
dubstep12 8
Of course:D
greenie213 23
Where did you meet her, the renaissance fair?
l23VIVE 17
(face palm) OP's girlfriend is using MIDDLE English not Olde English, and MIDDLE ENGLISH was used during the MIDDLE AGES not the Renaissance
ErinE0001 8
Lmao! It's probably a gross lady-mess. Jut stay out!
totalnewbeeee 1
It tis obvious that thine girlfriend is jeering with thee!
emba_fml 13
i really need to point this out because it's eating at me. tis is already short for it is. saying it tis is like saying it it is. that bothers me every time i hear someone say it
l23VIVE 17
Grr @Emba It's annoying isn't it? When people try to be all fancy and then epically fail at it... I don't know how many times i have pointed out that OP's girlfriend is using MIDDLE English not Olde English.
dellis44 7
she's hiding her other boyfriend.
MexicanTexasQtt 9
Thou must be careful.
AwsumShyGuy 12
Reminds me of that one episode of Fairly Odd Parents where Timmy wasn't allowed in their castle.
The_CL0GGER 0
I remember that episode in detail and I dont know why. I havent saw that show in like 3 years.
VeganVampyre 27
Oh my god, all you people are so freaking overly dramatic. She probably just isn't ready for him to see her place or something like that, (remember, we don't know how long they've been dating- could be just a few days or weeks) and thought it'd be funnier to say something like that than to just say "I don't want you to see my house yet." Get a bloody sense of humour, people. I thought this was hilarious, and just like something I'd do for a laugh. I don't think it's cause to dump her, unless there's a lot more we don't know about.
shutyourmouth12Z 7
You have a point there
unknown_user5566 27
Maybe she thought you said "pants", not "house".
yumyumpoptart 16
shakespeare anyone?! I keep thinking of something that would be said in one of his plays
l23VIVE 17
Shakespeare was Renaissance Era, OP's GF is using MIDDLE English
tweetbaby14 18
Dude, shut up. You going from comment to comment correcting people speaking middle English wrong will not make them edit their comment or even remember. Just stop and enjoy the FML.