Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML
Today, I was cuddling my girlfriend. The TV was on behind me, with some kind of girl's basketball game playing. When I stared into my girlfriend's eyes, she accused me of trying to check out the girls by looking at their reflection in her eyes. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML
Today, I tried sneaking over to my girlfriend's house to be romantic and knocked on her window. She went and got her mother to see who was at the window. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen and found a friend of my sister's stripped down to just her panties changing her clothes. In the kitchen. She had the nerve to call me a peeping Tom and slap me. Why was she even here without my sister, and why couldn’t she use the bathroom to change? FML
Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML
Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML
Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML
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Top comments
hotforkegger 4
HOARDER!!! RUN WHILE U CAN!!!
Finnick_fml 12
That's utterly bizarre. Maybe they're playing a prank on you, you can seriously ask them to tell you the truth .... Or break into your girlfriend's house. Take your pick :p
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Comments (295)
Ozuru 11
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
asl_for_life 6
nobody else like this. the number is a perfect 69!
Ajwc101 24
It's okay OP they are just pranking you.
thgiL 9
You don't know that... She's probably embarrassed of something.
SirJamin 4
That's what I think
l23VIVE 17
Fix the tongue or we will continue to bury you!!! We told you this in a previous thread, now get it fixed...
YesyDidWhat 0
That should be enough to RUN WHILE YOU CAN!
YesyDidWhat 0
Btw everyone I totally didn't notice #3 said that already, my bad I went straight to comment.
ohSNAPyall 27
She didst fail to listen; why don't thou?
SeedlessMe 13
I could be wrong here, but I think it's actually an oddly phrased, olde timey way to say she did fail to listen. So therefore, the friend did see what was in the house. If it wasn't horrific enough to make her run, maybe it's not that bad..?..
l23VIVE 17
Didst is not the correct way to say didn't in middle english! It combines an English word with a Neo-Latin suffix! Get your Middle English right
JustAGuy107 0
She might be learning how to raise the moon.....
uberdubers 3
I thumbed down, because your bio is ******.
Shit_talkin_chik 5
Thumbs Up!! #138
Crazberry 5
You mean draw down the moon? Assuming you're assuming that she's a Wiccan of course. Just sayin'.
DKjazz 20
I was was thinking more like Majora's Mask.
Harpy20 24
Get a new girlfriend. This can't improve.
Shit_talkin_chik 5
There is help for Hoarders... But not a cure for all the diseases she could catch from being dirty! Run OP run!!
perdix 31
It's probably her husband and her kids.
DespairFaction 11
My thoughts exactly, or a sweat shop full of underage kids.
PrincessPesa 20
Or a puppy mill! Though I doubt the kind of monster with a puppy mill would also speak in Old English. Perhaps we should start calling OP Ye Olde Cuckolded.
TarieBoo 2
PrincessPesa- the only thing funny about your comment was 69...
l23VIVE 17
OP's girlfriend is using MIDDLE English not Olde English
dixiefoxx 22
175, First of all, old* And second of all, I've never heard of "middle" English, only old English. Correct me if there's such thing, I'm only going into 10th grade, but still..
l23VIVE 17
I too am going into 10th grade, and Olde English does have an E on the end
rainbowkissies 14
... Olde is the correct spelling. End of discussion.
ilovefall10 21
Uh I would be pretty annoyed too if somebody talked like that to me and didn't tell me why they were talking like that.
alexphyllis 5
If you're that curious you should just take "thine eyes" and ask her again.
LilBobby 0
Time to pull a SEAL Team 6