Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML
Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML
Today, the woman giving me a manicure found a booger under one of my fingernails. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend has been putting boogers in my belly button when I don't pay attention to her while we watch tv. FML
Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML
Today, I found out my deceased grandmother never liked anything that I bought for her. She would never say anything to not hurt my feelings. The only reason I bought those things in the first place was because growing up she told me that she liked them. Now that she's gone, I'm hearing what she really thought. FML
Today, I found out that my stepsister loves sticking random household objects in her ear in an attempt to collect ear wax. I found out when I walked in on her trying to pick all the wax out of the bristles of my toothbrush. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML
Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML
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Top comments
Clevelandians 17
How exactly is she getting your toenails
Myo_fml 20
OP, I do believe she may be putting a spell on you and you should run.
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Comments (58)
PicanteSeed 14
better watch out she might be a witch
LovelyDeadGirl 13
So many questions about this. Did she just openly tell you that she collects them or did you just go to play the music box and find it? Very peculiar, gives off a creepy vibe. You need to have a serious talk with your girlfriend about this...
biopilot17 9
She must be far up in the hot side of the hot/ crazy scale
speakfreely 21
Run, just run as fast as you can and don't look back
Matheo_fml 21
I hope you wrote this FML whilst PACKING your shit!!!
SookyLala 13
naturally crazy.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
where did that word come from.."batshit"....? Is bat shit crazy? if so, how so? lol
idioticmess 15
thats um...yea you should think about getting out of there.
ouijacorn 9
Maybe she's keeping them safe so your enemies don't use them for nefarious purposes? You should thank her (as you're running away).
gintwinsmoore 20
sounds like she's into some voodoo or satanic shit...get rid of her before your next!!!