Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML
Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the supermarket cashier by saying, “Guess I’m buying enough food for two!” She smiled politely and said, “That’s nice. Will your wife help you carry it?” I said, “What wife?” only to realize I’d just exposed myself as a lonely man buying family-sized frozen lasagna. FML
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML
Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML
Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML
Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML
Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML
Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML
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Top comments
Emmamazing 26
Well, she's not wrong.
TeasinDaNoobs 16
Whenever theres a girl around, guys tend to dumb down.. Better luck next time OP
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Comments (104)
jayemerald17 25
I'm not sure how that's flirty OP
pleasedie 22
Me neither. Maybe we've been doing it wrong :D
RedPillSucks 33
I imagine that was going to be his intro into a flirty conversation if he didn't get immediately shot down
rileyrae0000 23
Yeah I'm hoping OP didn't think cream cheese alone would woo this girl
Death69 24
Better luck next time. Oh. By the way, that should be onto a shelf. ;)
captainsmegma 12
Next time try "May I cream your cheese? "
rileyrae0000 23
Yeah, if you want to get slapped
solarsanteria 15
seems like you dodged a bullet, she doesn't seem very nice for calling you that when it was probably an honest mistake
AkBunny907 18
It was a mistake to try and use that to flirt with her, an idiotical mistake.
DoomedGemini 38
Or she realized what he was trying to do? She's there to do her job, not deal with flirting which usually they can't even do anything about without worrying about losing their job.
Miss_Whipped 43
'Idiotical'??? The ****? Idiotic maybe, but certainly not idiotical.
MRSwick2525 23
#68 I was just thinking the same thing!!!! You beat me to the punch!
nomad6 19
Ah man, not the cream cheese pick up man, you shoulda gone with the feta one. Too cheesy man, too cheesy.
rileyrae0000 23
Okay feta is cheesier than cream cheese..
Arcanin3Boss 8
What a bitch
jtfrisch 22
Agreed
YBae 27
Since when is cream cheese flirty?
MGS428 8
If she calls strangers idiots for asking a question, even if it may be obvious, she isn't worth your time.
worldclassrager 41
Examine your surroundings then ask questions like that...next time maybe the whipped cream or chocolate sauce would be a better question...just hope it doesn't give the wrong impression
quackImapenguin 16
Wait, was this woman someone who worked at the grocery store? Because if so, YDI. Don't hit on women while they're working. I know some men are just oblivious about this , but hitting on women in situations where the woman doesn't have the option of just walking away is not a nice thing to do.