Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me, "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML
Today, I went to Sunday school for the first time. The priest assured us we could ask him anything, so I did. When class ended the priest pulled me and my mom aside and asked her to stop bringing me to Sunday school until "she learns not to question the bible and accept what she is told." FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, I got a call from my 8-year-old's 3rd grade teacher. Apparently a question went around class asking, "Why do you think you were put on this Earth?", and my son answered, "My dad says it's because I swam the fastest." FML
Today, my son announced he was leaving our religion. I told him that, as sad I was, that I accepted and loved him. He seemed disappointed, and I noticed him discreetly fiddling with a camera. A little snooping led me to his Reddit account, where he called us all, "inbred, illiterate, bible-thumpers." FML
Today, I told a friend I had become more religious lately. He immediately started mocking me for being a "stupid creationist bigot." When I told him how offensive that was, he acted bewildered and started condescendingly lecturing me about how "science has proven God does not exist." FML
Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML
Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, I asked my 2-year-old if he loved me. His response? “No mama, stop.” FML
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Top comments
sleekRelease 0
Never knew a kid could be that smart.
SourSourDiesel 0
your son is a bright young man
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Comments (65)
iwadasn 32
All religion aspects of it aside, FYL for having a rude kid. Whether or not he agrees with what you're saying, he shouldn't call his parents stupid...have fun when he starts school and insults all the teachers when they try to explain something he doesn't want to learn.
ElMundio87 0
man I wish i'd been like that when they started to teach me french
Allie614032 34
Sounds like a smart kid!
Altair033 17
Man, i still don't know how God can love everyone even when some clearly don't believe and hate. I gotta hand it to him, that would be pretty hard to do.
Wadlaen 23
Seems like you've got some work ahead of you in raising him and leading him back to faith. I hope you've got Christians around you that can help you guide him.
angus 17
Smart kid. My 7 year old asked me questions and demanded we read the bible from cover to cover. I answered questions and she concluded it was horseshit before we got through genesis. She asked: Why did god lie? Why did he make the snake? It makes no sense