Health, Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Sexy

Sexy

By Anonymous - 23/05/2014 02:36 - United States - Rockland

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 643

You deserved it 17 185

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

You want a piece of me?

By littlepeepboo - 30/01/2018 01:30

Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 112

You deserved it 441

By coop42 - 15/01/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 104

You deserved it 6 076

Come again

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 07:35

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 968

You deserved it 62 450

Felt cute, might delete later

By nopanties - 04/03/2013 05:11 - United States - Durham

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 833

You deserved it 6 449

By tingles - 19/01/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 001

You deserved it 8 057

You rang?

By thathurt500x - 26/06/2020 20:08

Today, my boyfriend's tooth got caught on my nipple ring and ripped it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 988

You deserved it 561

By blank - 21/07/2010 13:52 - United States

Today, I came home to my boyfriend wearing one of my pads on his hand, because he didn't want to pay to go to the hospital for stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 342

You deserved it 4 121

By tessisue - 04/01/2016 11:18 - Germany

Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut in his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 867

You deserved it 2 224

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 538

You deserved it 4 560

Sick moves, dude

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 387

You deserved it 4 229

mt631 18

Friday 23 May 2014 15:31

I'm sure he wasn't too pumped about the lap dance after that.

Vintage_Cola 29

Friday 23 May 2014 15:31

Holy shit! I hope he's okay! FYL

Comments

ryanthecheeseguy 18

Friday 23 May 2014 22:47

#21, just because you weren't in time to be on the first comment page, that doesn't mean you have to insert your comment on a random reply.

9echo 17

Friday 23 May 2014 23:02

#87, I was going along with the joke about sugar, which is why I used "sweet," so it WAS related to this post. Forget it.

avlcek855 9

Friday 23 May 2014 23:06

I have an insulin pump! It wouldn't have hurt him too badly…

invadermaythe1st 35

Friday 23 May 2014 23:08

as a diabetic, OUCH

drunkmunkey 24

Friday 23 May 2014 23:33

Was it that good or that bad?

dynodan 4

Friday 23 May 2014 23:46

Guess you're all the sugar he needs (I know it doesn't work that but sh).

RamonTheGamer 7

Saturday 24 May 2014 0:50

I read "cousin" at first I don't know why. Anyway, I hope your boyfriend is okay.

lexiiknii1 2

Saturday 24 May 2014 1:28

It's really not that big of a deal...mine gets ripped out almost everyday...

khaled_almu 13

Saturday 24 May 2014 1:50

Shit happened

dabomb0513 10

Saturday 24 May 2014 2:49

Totally worth it!

Keywords

Work Mental health Students Relatable Parenting Kids Awkward Love Embarrassing Intimacy Family Wanker AITA First Dates Singing Animals Cats Public freakouts Weddings Bodyshaming Cops Transportation Cars Sex Sexism Growing old Health Periods Job interview Education

The Top

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend, whom I'd been in love with since I was 19, wants to be back with his baby momma. His dad, after finding out that he has cancer, offered to marry me and adopt my kids to collect his SSI checks in case he dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 105

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 088

You deserved it 20 808

The Top

Today, I learned after weeks of waiting that my order of vinyl siding had been shipped to a contractor in another state, who installed it without realizing it was the wrong style and color. I would have to wait weeks for a new shipment, except the manufacturer has discontinued it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 704

You deserved it 161

Today, I met up with a couple I know, who wanted to introduce me to someone. I thought they were setting me up with her, but no. They were coming out as polyamorous, and she was their new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 148

Today, I was in the car with a group of my girl friends discussing sexual experiences when I looked down and realized my Blackberry had dialed the family I babysit for and had left a five minute voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 210

You deserved it 17 671

Today, my idiot son incinerated his shoes in the oven. They were wet and he wanted to "quick-dry" them, so now the whole house smells terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 146

Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 544

You deserved it 61 173

Today, I tried to impress my wife by doing a bunch of push-ups, despite having a bad shoulder. She told me my form sucks and that I'm an idiot. Now I can barely move my arm and I'm going to have to get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 653

You deserved it 34 908