Today, my dad found my "list". 32 guys, 4 girls. Colour coded as to who I would sleep with again and who I wouldn't, who were virgins, etc. He complimented me on my "organizational skills." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out that my fiancé has a list with every woman he slept. Chronologically. I'm number 23, out of 27. Our wedding is in two months. FML
Today, I found my girlfriend's list of people she's slept with on her Google docs. There was 11 names after mine. FML
Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML
Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML
Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML
Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML
Today, I found a notebook labeled "IMPORTANT INFO" in my boyfriend's nightstand. Looking in, I saw he'd written down a bunch of information about me, like my birthday and things I like. When I asked, he said, "I'm forgetful and didn't want to accidentally be a dick." FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I got so bored, I made a "to do" list for the week in my head. FML
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Top comments
JesseJaymz 0
you color coordinating the STD's too? crabs can be red, syphilis green, and the clap can be yellow cause when i think of clapping i think happy.
fisheatsbear 6
is this list like a pokedex? gotta bang em all. xD
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Comments (370)
Signposthead 0
atleast he didn't get mad?
rockyraccoon28 8
I agree. my dad would be pissed.
uunnkknnoowwnn 0
So would mine.
chenoa_fml 0
whoah.. and I thought I was weird by keeping a list of guys I've kissed. hahaaha this list is a good idea, I might do this once I have a guy to add.
the_flirtt 0
hahaha omfg that is hilarious and kind of a smart idea
elsnappypickle 0
I know someone that has a list too and slept with 33 people. but that was 2ish years ago. who knows how many more she's gotten ob her list now. eek *****.
eazyeeze 0
Awesome! I need a secretary like you. Come hither baby
CrazyCatCookin 0
Op my list is right here: ^ See? Nothing. You're lucky. And slutty.
llAllStarll 0
LOL 25
LightningLadyy 0
Hahah ahhh, man that sucks. I'd be dead man.
americuzz 8
ur dad is AWESOME!!! mine would have killed me:(
RileyFerrari 0
OP's a **** with a horny dad.
parii 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
wow hoebag. have fun with your STDS
RyanG_21 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
damn... that's a lot of people. fyl for being a *****
KiddNYC1O 20
im going to play devils advocate and assume you are in your 20s and live at home with your dad lol. that said, how promiscuous can one be? op, I'm going to hand you a few pamphlets on STDs, read them carefully. 7 11
RyanG_21 0
oops I meant ydi lol
tencentsakiss 19
12: I have a list of the peope I've kissed too haha
tencentsakiss 19
I don't label it so that if its found, no one will know what it is.
chenoa_fml 0
i don't have mine labeled either, it's just a short, numbered list :] I don't think you would be able to guess it's the guys I've kissed.. or at least I hope not.
megiscool123 0
haha well at least it's color coded
msyelowbubblegum 0
ew *****! YDI !
KiddNYC1O 20
76- I doubt you'll need to label a list-of-guys page for ppl to figure out what it is in this era lol
fisheatsbear 6
is this list like a pokedex? gotta bang em all. xD
cstrat 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yeah, she's a mega ****.
BabyDacey 0
almost as slutty as mee [=
the_flirtt 0
wow 108
KiddNYC1O 20
Ken dolls don't count! ^
BabyDacey 0
it was a joke chiiill
the_flirtt 0
makin sure ;}
Oreosbff 0
LOL @ 91 gotta bang em all indeed...I can understand wanting to test the waters before settling down but I think 32's overkill =S
hahaiseeyou 0
****, thats all i got to say
meganasoarus 0
lol @ the jealous girls on here calling her a ****. op, you sound like a perfectly respectable girl. I don't think anyones number should have anything to do with their character.. past a certain age. ;)
xXLenaXx 0
It's hardly "jealous" calling someone who slept with 32 people a ****.. :P I only sleep with boyfriends and I'm not in the slightest bit jealous. :) I feel sorry for you, OP - you must be veeeeery insecure.
shaylerbianca 0
YUCK 98, you are a creep. look at your photo. biggest seed
ladyluck82 9
25 - Hilarious! Yeah, ummm...32 GUYS?!?! WTF, OP?!?! ANNNDD GIRLS?!?! Seriously, wether you slept with all of them or just kissed them, that's just disgusting and slutty. Not to mention it's like you're proud to have done it, given the fact that you WROTE it down! (???) Doesn't it make you feel disgusting? I've been with FOUR (4) MEN my whole life and I'm almost 29!!! One of whom is my husband. But idk, I guess I just have morals. And not to sound at ALL big-headed but I don't have a problem in that department. I'm just NOT like some women (or GIRLS I should say) that sleep with EVERY man that comes their way because they have no morals/low (or no) self esteem, ect. I hope you open your eyes wider (not your legs) OP, and see the big picture...not the next big C**K on your list.
ladyluck82 9
153 - I TOTALLY agree! Whoever feels op is NOT slutty has some serious self esteem problems, too. I bet if she was your girlfriend or even DAUGHTER for that matter...you'd feel disgusted for her.
Arsonnist 3
Did he not get pissed because he's on that list?
evig_fml 16
I want to hear about the 4 girls...
CrimsonWolf1294 0
I agree whole-heartedly with 179. but WTF?! I wish my parents were like that.
captaintaco 0
wow what I *****. I hope you get paid at least OP.
retep26 0
Not only will OP burn in hell, but shes gonna burn for the rest of her life if she's not getting STD treatments by the day.
cstrat 0
What does "biggest seed" mean?
FMGrammar 0
I am a typical "horny" dude that thinks about sex all day blah blah blah... but when I read this I truly felt sick to my stomach... makes me REALLY hope girls I've had sex with aren't like you OP YDI for being so infested with crabs discover channel features your snatch on their "sea life" week!! ugh still cringing from this!!!
cody1992 0
how does everyone know this is a girl and not a guy
ladyluck82 9
223 - "Sea Life Week!!!" EPIC!!! LMFAO!!!!!
daarlingdamsel 0
169- I agree! and you are quite pretty and probably could have been a **** if you wanted but chose otherwise because you respect yourself. I've been with 1 guy and I'm 22 years old and he and I are getting married next June :) OP You need to realize sex does not equal love and guys will just use you and throw you to the curb because slutty girls are not the girls he will take home to meet mom.
IchbinSyn 0
Maybe she is 50
cody1992 0
169 there is no way your almost 29
FMGrammar 0
236- and there's no way they taught shamu how to play xbox.
ladyluck82 9
229 - OP is CLEARLY a GIRL! WTF?!? Why would a guy "colour code" and even WRITE a list to begin with???? Guys just don't do things like that.
123sploosh 0
158 you seem very insecure yourself for having to go on FML and announce to the entirety of the internet that you are NOT, in fact, a ****. if it were true, you wouldnt have to go out of your way to defend something no one even asked your insecure ass about. just got mind your own business and don't judge people based in their numbers. ignorant woman.
ladyluck82 9
236 - UNFOURTUNATELY...I am 28! My bday is Feb 14, 1982...good genes I guess. I get carded EVERWHERE I GO! People always think I'm between 19-21. My mom is 46 & she looks about early 30's. People alway think we are sisters.
ladyluck82 9
239 - EPIC WIN THERE!!!! You made my husband and I's night!! HILARIOUS!!! And btw, Ty for the compliment. :-)
jerseychickityy 12
you slept with 4 girls? uhhh
123sploosh 0
oh great 244...now you have to prove to the internet that you are so young looking that you get carded. seriously is there some guy on this site that you are trying to impress? you just sound needy and desperate.
xXLenaXx 0
Lol at 123sploosh PMSing all over the internet.
turtles1321 0
eh none of my buisness but that just a bit overkill ? mabey I'm wrong :) chart sounds cool
ladyluck82 9
247...I'M MARRIED!!! AND MY HUSBAND IS RIGHT NECT TO ME! lmao! I have NOTHING TO PROVE TO YOU! I was replying to another user who said there was no way I was 29! Read completely before you comment. :-)
waterynuggets 0
You're not wrapped too tight, are ya?
mfmylifesrsly 29
ladyluck82 i like you.i hate girls who just sleep around. my friend sucked like 5 dicks in a span of 3 months? im like are you ******* serious? i had only sucked one dick at that time. IN FACT. i havent sucked any dick or kissed or had any sex this year.
ladyluck82 9
247 - oh I'M desperate & needy??? You can tell that from me just stating the truth? I guess we all don't need a picture to put that across, huh? Funny how YOU chimed in on a thread about *****. Huh...
lalalalalalalala_fml 0
262- nice! lmao.
Freeze_fml 16
It's about time #256 showed up.
tom2516 0
cody1992 is your picture actually of you?
ladyluck82 9
249 - Yes, very true! lol! And It's like you & I were her first "Victims" LMFAO!
ladyluck82 9
268 - Unfortunately, I believe it is. I've seen her commenting on her for AGES.
ladyluck82 9
256 - thanks, sweetie! You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Keep it up! x
Schazam 0
Was Tiger Woods on the list?
WtfLoser 13
#12 , thats gna take a while . :) & OP , daaaaaaaaaamn :)
FMGrammar 0
282- your a duck for replying to a comment waaaaaaaaay up there. my screen is broken on my phone dammit. lol jk but seriously, keep up haha... & man I missed out on some funny stuff, damn.... o well fml---haha I rhymed
FMGrammar 0
duck??? stupid politically correct iPhone... DICK**** pls dont moderate me
mfmylifesrsly 29
why the hell has my comment been voted too many negative votes? i was talking the same as the other ppl on here..
JustJess666 0
to 149 no one is jealous of a girl who u has slept with enough guys to fit a fist in her twat... and it's not self esteem issues in our cases but mostly in the case of a girl who has to bang every guy she sees and then make an OCD list about it. I can count how many guys & girls I have slept with without the need of a pen and paper. the op is a **** and deserves all of the nasty comments she gets because she is a nasty person who is lacking both moral value and self respect. so in my own words " **** that skanky **** cuz I don't want to be anything like her!!"
mooshibear140 4
YDI for being a ****. o.0
cincin75 0
You know what? You should get a god damn MBA degree!
TheIrishJaneDoe 8
Lmao at Freeze. 268/271: No, cody's not the person in that pic. cody's a guy; that pic has been making the internet rounds for awhile.
pipp360 0
we can all agree that any responsable sober parent would be pissed
bluebladez 0
lol makes you sound like a ****
tom2516 0
290 i doubt you've slept with anyone u fat emo
123sploosh 0
@333: spoke my mind exactly
vecu 0
I agree with you!!! slutty!!
dance_till_dawn 0
256, who gives a flying **** whose **** you did or did not suck!
dance_till_dawn 0
290, who gives a **** how many people somebody sleeps with. This doesn't make them nasty or nasty-hearted. You on the other hand...hmmmm...
JustJess666 0
usually it does make them nasty... think of it as if that was your daughter or girl friend or sister or what ever. if you have too many partners the it makes a person think twice about being in a committed relationship.
Chrisskiies 0
My retort to people who say "what if it was your sister/mom/daughter/etc.." I say well guess what? It isn't, they have too much self respect and are too smart to do stupid shit like sleep around. That is all.
kayleen_fly 0
I totally agree with you!!
ronnyBrets 0
who would touch you? eww
danab_fml 0
this belongs on TFLN not FML.
liljeron 0
wow 32 that's loose...
JustJess666 0
367 who are you ewwing?
JohnGraveline 0
Only from the UK.
123sploosh 0
THEY ARE EWWWING AT YOU YOU STUPID BITCH. god
Miss_Represented 0
Wow... Get around much?
F_MY_L1FE 0
LOL!!!
CrazyCatCookin 0
Jessi Slaughter has made it to FML!!!
Freeze_fml 16
YOU DUN GOOF'D!
rainbowhobos 4
Tsk tsk, the cyber police are coming for you.
Oreosbff 0
The consequences will NEVER be the same!
allmidnighteyes 10
BECAUSE I BACKTRACED IT
Freeze_fml 16
[Comment removed by the cyber police]
fourchancookie 0
ooo no... we are all f-ed.... cyber police are outside our doors
meganasoarus 0
208, you're cute.
muziclife 0
maybe he has one to?:/
JesseJaymz 0
you color coordinating the STD's too? crabs can be red, syphilis green, and the clap can be yellow cause when i think of clapping i think happy.
RaeNeid21 0
#6 ftw :) this isn't too bad...except who has time to do all of that? you must have a lot of time on your hands....
CrazyCatCookin 0
^Lol very true, but Syphilis should be purple, and ghonnarhea green.
CallMeHush 0
One Blue Waffle coming UP!!!
rainbowhobos 4
Anddd... Blue Waffle would be blue? :D
rasone77 0
Except that syphilus and the clap are the same thing.
JesseJaymz 0
no, the clap is chlamydia. yes, blue for blue waffle
rainbowhobos 4
Lol, whoo!!
CrazyCatCookin 0
Black is all of the above.
CrazyCatCookin 0
oh damn that sounds racist I didn't mean it like that
rainbowhobos 4
LOL. I'm black but didn't take that offensively. xD
JesseJaymz 0
hahahahaha I'm not black but I was like whatchu mean?!?! I know if it turns black it's about to fall off!
marcranger 28
actually, the clap is gonorrhea.
Mrs_Mcgee 0
lmao at #59
TheIrishJaneDoe 8
People really don't know what the clap is anymore?! I never took Sex Ed or slept around and even I know what it is...
CrazyCatCookin 0
Well which one is it? And anyway Jane it's an old people term of course! jk
aardvarkish 16
317, So while you know what the Clap is, you're intimately familiar with it, I take it?
Jsalcedo23 0
this is not even an fml.
caroline954 0
wait a sec...32 guys 4 girls...and I'm guessing ur still in high school becuz if ur dad found it ur living at home. u have issues ur still in high school!!!
PunxsatownyPhil 0
She could commute to a nearby college.
RyanG_21 0
haha win!
TheIrishJaneDoe 8
There's a difference?
TheIrishJaneDoe 8
The bug got me. -.- 206 was in reply to the person who said "You're either a writer for Sex and the City or a *****."
TheIrishJaneDoe 8
This guy! Your comment's back! I'll repost mine: There's a difference?!
allmidnighteyes 10
dang, gina
LilAfo 4
talk about a healthy relationship :/
VampyC 0
Dude how is the an FML? My dad would have MURDERED me! Good job!
serge007 0
32? Guys and girls? Nice whoring skills.