Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I offered to help my mother-in-law boil noodles for some noodle soup. She loudly said, "You know how!?" I'm a chef. FML
Today, I learned that my roommate, the one in charge of the cooking, never washes her hands beforehand. According to her, it boosts her immune system. FML
Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML
Today, what started as my mom calling my grandma for a recipe turned into them discussing the philosophical reason behind my baking. I apparently picked up baking because I'm depressed over unemployment. And here I thought I just liked the smell of baked goods. FML
Today, after the last few months of my sister living with me while she finds her feet, I asked if she could help me out by doing the washing up. Half an hour later, I walked into knee high dish soap foam in the kitchen. My sister was right in the middle, trying to sculpt dicks. She's 20. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML
Today, my housemate, who never cleans, cooked tacos, then left her dishes for the rest of the evening. When shown a bowl of murky water in the sink, she denied it was hers, prompting my vegetarian housemate to clean it. Putting her hand in the bowl, she found a lump of raw taco meat. Yum. FML
Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML
Today, I figured out it's the first time my roommate has done the dishes after living together an entire year, but I got to clean up the bubble waterfall that came pouring out of the dishwasher because she couldn't figure out where the detergent was supposed to go. FML
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Top comments
ddlovatolover 23
That is absolutely horrendous. FYL
NinjaJellyfish 27
Make her eat it all.
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Comments (70)
sailorkristina 11
reason #21 i hate long nails ;___;
RoboCunnilingus 23
Wait, I missed reasons 1 - 20, go back.
Ctrl_H 18
You have to get all those vitamins from somewhere
Sheedah 9
Try saving that dough for later and make a clean batch then when she isn't looking go back to it and use it and make sure she eats every last bite before you tell her the truth
mFUNdo21 17
I highly doubt she'll care, it's her (roommate's) nail dirt after all
vipirius 18
Ain't nobody got time for that!
sandra199 6
You may want to consider ordering food tonight
mattrd_fml 31
at least you found out before you ate it.
ShittyBikes 6
Was that not a dainty dish? (Ref to OPs name)
kwan_wendy 9
That is horrible hope u didn't eat it
unlucky_lucy 17
Yuck!
LesAnn89 3
Those will be delicious cookies...not.
worldclassrager 41
Oh gross...clean the nails...wash hands...then assist... Or she doesn't help again....