Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to... - FML

By shrimp41 - 14/5/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46777

You deserved it

16196

Tweet

Share

White line fever

Headache

Business savvy

By FarmerGirl - 9/10/2012 18:43 - Canada - Brossard

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31987

You deserved it

3663

Tweet

Share

By Lola - 23/7/2012 04:31

Today, my boyfriend bought us three kittens. Today, I also discovered that I am allergic to cats. My boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted the cats more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32662

You deserved it

4308

Tweet

Share

By Spooderman - 4/2/2016 02:04 - United States

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25670

You deserved it

2445

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24072

You deserved it

2505

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/2/2016 16:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, some jackass decided that using the back of my car to slow down was easier than using his brakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19794

You deserved it

1312

Tweet

Share

By xCZ75x - 13/6/2017 13:00 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, my best friend on Snapchat is my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3073

You deserved it

688

Tweet

Share

By nico - 1/7/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I broke my collarbone in a rugby tournament. I was forced to sit through five more hours of games because the coach wouldn't take me to the hospital until the tournament was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36692

You deserved it

3599

Tweet

Share

By KeepOnTruckin' - 7/5/2020 05:00

OK doomer

Today, it's been 3 weeks since I, a 17-year-old, have been working 50 hours a week at a grocery store trying to keep our shelves stocked during coronavirus panic-buying. It was also the day a customer informed me that, "All you teenagers are lazy and that's why the shelves are empty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2199

You deserved it

117

Tweet

Share

By youaresodumb - 27/9/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18318

You deserved it

34100

Tweet

Share

By Dilly_20 - 22/2/2011 18:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I'd be angry if he had a foursome with 3 other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42504

You deserved it

5599

Tweet

Share

By TrainedBF - 12/9/2009 12:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12642

You deserved it

46726

Tweet

Share

By babygirllxo - 13/7/2010 18:28 - Canada

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36406

You deserved it

7129

Tweet

Share

By noname - 29/12/2009 06:09 - France

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23961

You deserved it

3202

Tweet

Share

By vw - 20/2/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27361

You deserved it

6461

Tweet

Share

By I'veRunOuttaPatience - 31/8/2018 03:30

Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2843

You deserved it

188

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/2/2012 05:31 - United States

Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36758

You deserved it

7213

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/7/2019 18:00

Today, I realised the recruiter for the Navy lied to me. This shit ain't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

820

You deserved it

2224

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:52 - United Kingdom - Stretham

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51359

You deserved it

4803

Tweet

Share

By WorkSexMonkey - 4/1/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12982

You deserved it

36892

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2020 16:00

Wrong place, right time

Today, I stopped to gas up. The pump wasn't taking my BP rewards card, and it said to go see the cashier. I went in to ask what's up, where the cashier politely pointed out that I was in a Shell gas station, not a BP. FML

I agree, your life sucks

427

You deserved it

1769

Tweet

Share

By just trying to be nice - 21/6/2013 02:17 - United States - Tucson

Today, I honked at a man in a Subway parking lot. He rolled down his window and screamed insults and slurs at me before driving away. Why did I honk at him? He'd left his lunch on top of his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45206

You deserved it

4005

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 12/3/2009 09:06 - United States

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60152

You deserved it

21131

Tweet

Share

By notgay - 25/12/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38828

You deserved it

3778

Tweet

Share

By Bride to be - 19/5/2017 10:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, after religiously eating healthy, getting good sleep, and trying to keep my stress level low, I'm stuck in bed with aches, fever, sore throat, the shits and throwing up. My wedding is in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2834

You deserved it

213

Tweet

Share

By yuck - 17/7/2019 14:15

Today, my father informed me that he is going to divorce his bitch of a wife, but told me not to say anything to mess things up, in case he wants to "hit that one more time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1773

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I read that using vegetable oil would give your legs a smooth feel, especially if you haven't shaved for weeks. So I tried it out. My legs felt slimy, the oil clogged up the blades, and I was reduced to shaving my legs with a naked razor head and soapy water. Endlessly smooth indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7955

You deserved it

27509

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2010 23:18 - United States

Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15636

You deserved it

21234

Tweet

Share

By Sky - 16/1/2017 22:00

Today, it's the 6th day that we have been snowed in. We haven't left the house, because we can't. I've done at least 30 hours of Legos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6898

You deserved it

619

Tweet

Share

By Sarraahh - 19/4/2020 05:00 - Canada

Mystery

Today, my 65-year-old grandmother called and asked me to tell my boyfriend that she was flattered, but she's happily married. I have no idea what she was talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1848

You deserved it

121

Tweet

Share

By Sola - 11/5/2011 04:10

Today, I wore a Super Mario Brothers T-shirt to school that showed a picture of Mario with a mushroom above his head. I got suspended for "referencing illegal drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50005

You deserved it

5033

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/10/2014 23:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40729

You deserved it

4483

Tweet

Share

By taylor124 - 22/8/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I listened to a voice mail from my mom about how she misses me and cant wait to see me when I get back from vacation. Thinking she hung up, my mother then had a conversation with my aunt about how quiet the house is without me and how she'd be blessed if I didn't come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39915

You deserved it

2854

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/10/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40557

You deserved it

5269

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/9/2013 00:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43769

You deserved it

2956

Tweet

Share

By Quendolin - 9/11/2015 14:07 - Germany

Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23741

You deserved it

2553

Tweet

Share

By duckyou - 2/4/2018 01:30

What the Duck?

Today, on the way to class, I got distracted while watching some ducks and walked face- first into a concrete pole. I ended up with a black eye and three stitches. Even the nurse laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3539

You deserved it

1297

Tweet

Share

By TooQuick - 27/4/2016 12:19 - Mozambique - Maputo

Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10781

You deserved it

2717

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/9/2014 14:39 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45159

You deserved it

5047

Tweet

Share

By CatCreator - 11/10/2019 14:00

Making a Murderer

Today, my 8-year-old son eagerly showed me a PowerPoint he made. It consisted of REALLY graphic and gory descriptions of a guy getting murdered, complete with pictures from the internet. He was laughing the whole time he was showing me this, and even set one of the images as his desktop background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1647

You deserved it

294

Tweet

Share

By Mark Allan - 25/3/2012 16:06 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29116

You deserved it

7636

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Rawrrr14 | 0

#199843 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:33

Guys at the drive thru can be pretty cool......

By IronBird | 0

#199988 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:57

I work at a tiny greasebox diner. I have been that person for a lot of people. All of you who are being harsh would be surprised. Greasy food=comfort food for a lot of people, I get some of my lonlier customers 3-4 times a week. If your fast food guy is anything like me, he might care. At the same time, a drive through is hardly time enough for talking, so the people that are suggesting that may not have a point. If you need comfort food and are lonely, try a sit down resturaunt or anything indoor where you can at least get to know the people working there.

We're all reclusive sometimes. The people that are harsh are probably in high school. :)

Comments

By Rawrrr14 | 0

#199843 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:33

Guys at the drive thru can be pretty cool......

Reply

jessthebest3 | 0

#2437425 - Sunday 1 May 2011 5:52

Sex lines are better. OP should call one, it'll make OP feel better ;)

By I2OI3 | 0

#199845 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:33

Well what did you talk about? Burgers and Fries or did you actually "talk" - about things? Was this guy a friend of yours? More info please!!

By oldskool_fml | 0

#199846 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:33

LOL!!!!!!!!!! J/K its okay we all have those times..and am I first??

Reply

nike1 | 0

#402800 - Thursday 16 July 2009 22:34

Almost

By Fmylifffeee | 0

#199849 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:34

oh myy.... shrimp41... i'm sorry. call ur mom or something.

Reply

MrNewOrleans | 0

#1638332 - Tuesday 2 November 2010 3:56

ahh she will be alright I once went 5 months talking to my favorite pen(Steve) and my favorite shoe lace(Cory)....

By Fmylifffeee | 0

#199851 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:34

oh myy.... shrimp41... i'm sorry. call ur mom or something.

By amyjp612 | 0

#199868 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:35

YDI, it's not that hard to talk to people, unless you're a recluse or something.

By totoro_fml | 0

#199875 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:36

i know the feeling

:p

By Scotticus117 | 11

#199883 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:37

what are you an unemployed bum who lives by thereself and has no friends i mean no offense fyl, but like they said call your mom, either way by talking does texting count as talking, you dont mean to tell me you haven't texted/communicated internet or any other way to somebody in 3 days, thats impossible unless you were like sleeping that whole time.

By kkkristennnn | 0

#199889 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:38

thats your own fault, get some fucking friends its not that hard

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#945050 - Sunday 14 March 2010 7:20

Ohhhh you wouldn't believe how har it is for me... WAHHHH IM A LONER!!

Reply

DrFuzzyPickles | 9

#4879375 - Friday 31 August 2012 6:38

..
Ho

By firebrand111 | 0

#199902 - Friday 15 May 2009 1:40

What the hell have you been doing all that time?