Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting... - FML

By culodegrillo - 13/5/2013 20:36 - Spain

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

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Property law

Deep-seated resentment

Workaholic

By Anon - 26/5/2009 17:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2016 18:02 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML

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By hearing too much - 3/11/2019 02:00

The sound of silence

Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML

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By eggnoodles - 13/12/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML

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By i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming - 3/1/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML

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By sleepy - 23/5/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

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By spinster - 16/9/2015 02:10 - United States - Lubbock

Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML

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By what did you say? - 15/6/2016 13:25

Today, I went for a job interview. The woman interviewing me had such a thick accent that I had to keep asking her to repeat herself. She got so frustrated that she ended the interview super early. I don't think I got the job. FML

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By Puggle1019 - 17/7/2018 20:30

Today, my brother gave me a massive rope burn. He got a 30-second talk with our mother. I got an allergic reaction to the lotion used to ease the pain. My mother said I was overreacting. FML

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By dac5 - 12/4/2020 05:00

Lowered expectations

Today, I was told that couldn’t become assistant manager of my job anymore. I already told my family I was going to be one, and they'd all said how proud of me they were. FML

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By huwauw - 17/9/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

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By taiannalynn5 - 2/3/2011 23:43

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the bed, when he started to tickle me. I tried to pull away but he pushed me back down. I ended up hitting my eye on the corner of the nightstand. His comment was "this is why you shouldn't struggle." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, I found out that my desk is perfectly placed so that my boss can shoot me with a Nerf gun from his office. FML

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By mj - 5/6/2011 20:20 - United States

Today, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce. She'd actually started dating another man a few months ago, but she wanted to drag our marriage out as long as possible just in case her new relationship fell through. FML

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By MerryDeathmas - 18/7/2015 04:31 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML

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By bxjxj - 22/12/2014 18:40 - United States

Today, I asked my grandpa why he spoils me so much. He told me it's because he truly believes no one else will ever want to. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2016 12:27 - United States - New York

Today, my drunk dad told me I'm smart enough that any guy could overlook the fact that I'm fat, but not smart enough that they could overlook how ugly I am. Gee, thanks. FML

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By fmal - 7/5/2009 03:47 - United States

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML

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By Stepheroni - 13/4/2017 18:00

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

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By RectalSteve - 10/9/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I showed my girlfriend some old home videos of me as a kid. My dad must have taped over one though, because halfway through it cut to extremely graphic footage of his colonoscopy. FML

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By live2dance4ever - 6/7/2019 14:00

Today, I went to attend my summer school class again after being out sick for a week. When I said "Here" during roll call, everyone started cheering and clapping. Apparently, my professor has been badmouthing me while I've been absent for pretending to be sick. I'm sure my grade will be fantastic. FML

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By skygardens - 21/8/2018 15:00

Today, I had just gotten home after being away for 8 months. My key didn’t work on my lock and while I was messing the door a man with a child opened. My landlord gave someone my apartment while I was away. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2015 17:54 - United States

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

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By awalc - 20/12/2011 17:48 - United States

Today, I woke up with Skittles super glued to my forehead. FML

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By heya - 24/12/2012 10:09 - Australia - Sydney

Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML

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By JWhite - 24/11/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

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By mathgenius - 8/10/2013 19:17 - Norway - Kolltveit

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2009 22:11 - Canada

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

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By Sophies - 26/12/2013 00:45 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I woke up on Christmas morning to find that a large cock and balls had been keyed into the windscreen of my car. My new, two-week-old car, which I will be paying off for the next four years. FML

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By Oops - 14/1/2010 15:55 - United States

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

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By Hallllo - 11/5/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

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By anon_smh - 18/2/2016 04:37 - United States - Bozeman

Today, after interviewing for a promotion to a position that was created with me in mind, I eagerly accepted a call from my boss, expecting good news. Turns out, they found a better applicant, who they don't believe will need support from the position I currently hold, so it's being eliminated. FML

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By bitch - 27/8/2020 08:02 - United Kingdom - London

Tracked

Today, I noticed that on the calendar in my boyfriend’s apartment, for every week of the months when I have my period are coloured in red and over them, in block capitals, he has written 'BEWARE'. FML

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By gooddriver - 15/10/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I was involved in a wreck. How quickly did the police arrive at the scene? Very quickly, considering he was the one who rear-ended me at a red light. FML

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By Mike Polk - 3/10/2011 12:37 - United States

Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML

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By usmcgirl - 18/11/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I realized why my 50 year old Dad's 30 something girlfriend looked so familiar. She is in all my parents wedding photos... as the flower girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 15:34 - United States

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2012 11:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML

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By jobless - 6/11/2014 02:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, for the first time since I can remember, I went in to work feeling positive, and that I could make good things happen. At the end of the day, my employment was terminated. FML

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By efmylife - 23/10/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know whats more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for 3 years. FML

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Top comments

By dramaelf | 37

#5490573 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:38

Having a telepathic affair are we? You minx.

By emmingle | 24

#5490582 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

If she's walking around assaulting random people, she wasn't much of a catch in the first place...

COMMENTS

By dramaelf | 37

#5490573 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:38

Having a telepathic affair are we? You minx.

Reply

adam3650 | 12

#5490970 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 7:50

I almost dated a psychic once, but she dumped me before we met.....

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5491308 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 15:06

I knew you were going to say that 49.

By babe7260 | 30

#5490575 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:38

Must have a twin somewhere!

Reply

danial1214 | 21

#5490754 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:03

Guys, don't thumb down 3 her and 2 commented at the same time.

Reply

Olympiakos10 | 15

#5490784 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:30

3 is 2s twin who wrote the same thing as 2, thus making no sense

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#5490839 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 5:14

33 Waaaaah.

Nice of you to keep the peace.

Reply

Disobey_fml | 13

#5492106 - Wednesday 15 May 2013 1:07

Or a doppelganger.

By young_weezy_fml | 3

#5490578 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:39

maybe the wedding you are attending is yours and it's with her man

Reply

evilraider | 5

#5490700 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 3:05

Wtf? No

Reply

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#5491651 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 19:36

Ok, I think it's high time for you to lay off the weed there, young_weezy.

Reply

SomeRandomGuy15 | 18

#5491821 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 22:19

So are you suggesting that OP somehow has amnesia and forgot their own wedding?

By hoffmanam | 13

#5490580 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

I just hate it when that happens

By emmingle | 24

#5490582 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

If she's walking around assaulting random people, she wasn't much of a catch in the first place...

By kevinhenning | 4

#5490586 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

Did you tell HER that

By ilovedinosawers | 17

#5490591 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:41

Oh no she di-idn't!

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5490757 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:06

*snaps a Z in the air*

By GrinchFu1 | 27

#5490592 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:42

m/ Alba gu brath m/

Reply

BrandiLush | 31

#5490733 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 3:40

Meth is a hell of a drug.

Reply

Wimoweh | 10

#5490804 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:46

Either that or he's Scottish.

Reply

NagainaFier | 16

#5490813 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:51

While 31 makes a fair point, after a quick profile check, I'mma go with 37 on this one.

Reply

Llama_Face89 | 33

#5490837 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 5:12

It's Gaelic. Roughly translates to "Scotland forever"

Reply

lysx84 | 24

#5490974 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 7:57

Did 9 just get thumbed down for being a proud Scot? Is everyone just jealous?

By Adhdkid107 | 9

#5490593 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:42

People can't just go up to people and slap them. I mean maybe you looked like they girl that stole him but still. They should make sure that's the actual person.

Reply

kxxjoejoexxk | 8

#5490657 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 2:26

Yea they kinda can..... It happens almost daily according to fml

By jackaced | 7

#5490594 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:42

Do you look like your mother? Time to ask some questions...