Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting... - FML

By culodegrillo - 13/5/2013 20:36 - Spain

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

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Work name

The best cat

Trust

By jules - 17/4/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around. He was actually a very angry midget. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2012 00:30 - Canada

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my finger nail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

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By speechless - 7/12/2018 11:30 - United States

Today, I have laryngitis and can’t speak at all. I went to make myself some breakfast and my mom kept asking me questions, to which I replied with nods and head shakes. She said, in a condescending voice, that I need to use my “big girl words” and will keep using her “baby voice” until I do so. FML

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By ouchouchouch - 28/3/2012 04:16 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was adjusting my nose piercing from the inside. My mother saw and thought I was picking my nose, so she slapped my hand away, tearing my nose ring out in the process. FML

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By kingkobrastrikes - 21/1/2015 01:56 - United States

Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML

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By max5 - 8/9/2012 18:19 - France - Casseneuil

Today, my ex-girlfriend sent me an email. I was excited that she wanted to make amends for cheating on me before I dumped her. No, the email had a photo of her making out with the guy she cheated on me with, and the caption, "What you wish you still had". FML

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By Karim - 12/12/2012 05:29 - France - Aix-en-provence

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML

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By rachelllynne - 9/5/2013 17:44 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, the woman I babysat for blamed me for the cut on her son's face, and fired me with no pay for not looking after him properly. He already had the cut when I arrived. FML

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By udnrizh - 8/10/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

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By Alaska fire - 19/11/2016 22:14 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I was the only sober person at a bonfire. After being hit in the eye with a snowball, taking people's keys away because they were too wasted to drive, making sure no one died and stabbing the bottom of my foot with a nail, I got to sleep in the snow. Without any blankets. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2013 17:28 - United States - Dell Rapids

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

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By Motorless - 8/9/2017 01:30

Today, after months of riding a bike through the rain, I finally saved up enough for a car. It was a little aged, but ran fine. That is, until a tire blew out, the engine stalled, and the battery died within one week. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2013 22:00 - United States

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

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By WTF - 22/4/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2018 06:00

Some people are so... creative.

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML

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By estephi - 9/2/2010 08:14 - France

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that the only reason he's with me is because I'm a good tattoo artist and he's too broke to pay for his own tattoos. We've been together for two years. FML

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By KatrinaKitten - 16/7/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant, where the chefs cook the food right in front of you. Our chef tossed an egg in the air, but sadly didn't catch it. Don't worry though, my hair got it instead. FML

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By StinkFoot - 28/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML

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By proudestmonkey - 24/3/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML

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By knighton16 - 17/7/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML

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By thissucks - 14/9/2009 01:00 - United States

Today, after finishing a three-page essay for my spanish class, I went to rip up my brainstorming paper in an act of triumph. After I finished ripping it up, I looked on my desk to see my brainstorming paper fully intact, and my essay torn into bits. FML

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By - 9/4/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that the threatening and insulting messages I received from my boyfriend's "stalker ex" were actually sent by him. Why? Because he cheated and he didn't want to admit it. I'm dating a psycho. FML

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By Optimus_Prime97 - 3/5/2012 02:39 - United States

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

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By fail - 16/2/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to Facebook on a public computer after they had left. Trying to teach them a lesson, I updated their Facebook status to something outrageous. That's when they came back to the computer after getting something from the printer. FML

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By SeriouslyDad - 22/9/2013 13:57 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

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By dude i am so sorry - 19/9/2016 19:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2013 07:49 - United States

Today, I took my 13 year old fishing off the pier for dogfish. The only thing he caught was a piece of my ear. FML

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By Ghettogirl4life - 12/7/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2010 21:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent all day and last night in the bathroom. The seafood I'd been keeping in the refrigerator apparently had gone bad, and is now intent on finding its every possible route to the Great Porcelain Whirlpool. FML

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By linren - 28/3/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had 'something serious' to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was 2 hours long. FML

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By gspotter - 14/11/2014 21:58 - Canada - Verdun

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

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By Anonyme - 17/12/2015 06:24 - France - Lyon

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

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By Barking Mad - 4/8/2013 11:21 - Australia - Revesby

Today, I got several noise complaints from various neighbours about my "dog that won't stop barking". I don't own a dog, my neighbour owns the noisy dog. She sent me a complaint as well. FML

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By love-shot - 17/8/2013 08:24 - United States - Hays

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

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By sarah - 19/10/2011 19:36 - United States

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me when I was leaving and said, "Have a nice... week!" FML

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By need an appendickectomy - 17/3/2013 20:12 - Finland

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

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By Walking in a Winter Wonderland - 12/9/2016 10:51 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my dandruff got so bad that when I sneezed on the bus, it created a "blizzard" of dandruff, covering me, and two others in it. I'm now known as "Winter Wonderland". FML

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By Checkless chick - 8/5/2013 22:21 - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

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By selena5112 - 15/2/2013 18:50 - Norway - Troms?

Today, my mum got the idea of switching to a different dishwashing detergent. The new one is so strong that it coats all the dishes in a nauseating perfume-like smell. It's so pungent that it gets absorbed into everything we eat or drink. She's determined to use up the entire bottle. FML

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By drive thru madness - 25/12/2016 12:15 - United States - Amherst

Today, I was working the drive-thru. Everything was going fine until I handed a customer her order and said, "Happy Holidays". Before she drove off, she yelled, "it's Merry Christmas, bitch" and threw her coffee at the window. I'm Jewish and was trying to be polite. FML

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Top comments

By dramaelf | 37

#5490573 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:38

Having a telepathic affair are we? You minx.

By emmingle | 24

#5490582 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

If she's walking around assaulting random people, she wasn't much of a catch in the first place...

Comments

By dramaelf | 37

#5490573 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:38

Having a telepathic affair are we? You minx.

Reply

adam3650 | 12

#5490970 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 7:50

I almost dated a psychic once, but she dumped me before we met.....

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5491308 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 15:06

I knew you were going to say that 49.

By babe7260 | 30

#5490575 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:38

Must have a twin somewhere!

Reply

danial1214 | 21

#5490754 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:03

Guys, don't thumb down 3 her and 2 commented at the same time.

Reply

Olympiakos10 | 15

#5490784 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:30

3 is 2s twin who wrote the same thing as 2, thus making no sense

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#5490839 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 5:14

33 Waaaaah.

Nice of you to keep the peace.

Reply

Disobey_fml | 13

#5492106 - Wednesday 15 May 2013 1:07

Or a doppelganger.

By young_weezy_fml | 3

#5490578 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:39

maybe the wedding you are attending is yours and it's with her man

Reply

evilraider | 5

#5490700 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 3:05

Wtf? No

Reply

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#5491651 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 19:36

Ok, I think it's high time for you to lay off the weed there, young_weezy.

Reply

SomeRandomGuy15 | 18

#5491821 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 22:19

So are you suggesting that OP somehow has amnesia and forgot their own wedding?

By hoffmanam | 13

#5490580 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

I just hate it when that happens

By emmingle | 24

#5490582 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

If she's walking around assaulting random people, she wasn't much of a catch in the first place...

By kevinhenning | 4

#5490586 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

Did you tell HER that

By ilovedinosawers | 17

#5490591 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:41

Oh no she di-idn't!

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5490757 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:06

*snaps a Z in the air*

By GrinchFu1 | 27

#5490592 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:42

m/ Alba gu brath m/

Reply

BrandiLush | 31

#5490733 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 3:40

Meth is a hell of a drug.

Reply

Wimoweh | 10

#5490804 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:46

Either that or he's Scottish.

Reply

NagainaFier | 16

#5490813 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:51

While 31 makes a fair point, after a quick profile check, I'mma go with 37 on this one.

Reply

Llama_Face89 | 33

#5490837 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 5:12

It's Gaelic. Roughly translates to "Scotland forever"

Reply

lysx84 | 24

#5490974 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 7:57

Did 9 just get thumbed down for being a proud Scot? Is everyone just jealous?

By Adhdkid107 | 9

#5490593 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:42

People can't just go up to people and slap them. I mean maybe you looked like they girl that stole him but still. They should make sure that's the actual person.

Reply

kxxjoejoexxk | 8

#5490657 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 2:26

Yea they kinda can..... It happens almost daily according to fml

By jackaced | 7

#5490594 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:42

Do you look like your mother? Time to ask some questions...