Miscellaneous: Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting... - FML

By culodegrillo - Spain

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

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On the ball

Damn squares!

Give me my drugs!

By not a shitty situation so fuck you - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

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By cherokeems - United States - Harriman

Today, my girlfriend of a month told me that the only thing keeping her from swallowing a bottle of pills is being in a relationship with me, because she doesn't handle breakups well. FML

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By andthatshowitgoes - United States

Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML

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By bender - Canada

Today, I decided that it would be good exercise to shovel the ice on the backyard patio. Now I can't stand up. FML

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By bpruitt95 - United States - Pitkin

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I gave a safe sex speech to teens at my local high school. This was just ten minutes after my girlfriend had texted me, telling me she's pregnant. FML

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By anony - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

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By creamed - United States

Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML

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By tomtomcutiepoof - United States

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date with someone he said was very hot. I'm not exactly what you call fit, so I haven't been dating lately. As soon as I got to the restaurant, I spotted the girl. She looked me up and down, said, "You have GOT to be kidding me" and left. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML

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By Fred - Japan

Today, I went into a crowded store and tried out a blazer. I was thinking to myself how hot I looked in it when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and politely said, "Excuse me sir, that's a ladies' blazer." FML

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By SoupCanoe - United Kingdom

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

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By pokeloser

Today, my high point was still being able to recite all 151 generation one Pokémon in order, from memory. I need a life. FML

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By aarone23 - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

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By praise the prenup - United States - Delaware

Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

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By Sybille - France

Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML

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By iamshrimpy - Canada

Today, I logged onto Facebook with a new notification. I got excited, until I went on to see that it was my mom commenting on my status. She had seen my friends swear in previous comments and decided to make a comment of her own. She told them, "Hey, watch out yr language!" I'm nineteen. FML

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By ohwell - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

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By Unwanted - Austria

Today, my boyfriend declared he doesn't feel ready to move in with me for at least "some more years". We have already been together for five years. When he bought an apartment one year ago, he kept it a secret for three months. Maybe I should learn to take a hint. Or several hints. FML

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By and somehow you have a master's degree

Good excuse.

Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML

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By risingtide

Today, I reached my exam center late after taking wrong metro twice, only to find that I forgot my calculator at home. FML

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By anoymus - United States

Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML

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By notagain - 7/3/2020 09:01

Grindr danger

Today, while on Grindr, I met a guy who seemed really nice and we hit it off. After chatting for a bit, I received a message from his wife, telling me I'd better leave him alone. This isn't the first time that's happened. FML

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By notanidiot - United States - Lansing

Today, I laughed when I shouldn't have and am probably fired. What happened? My boss asked me if birds were reptiles. I thought he was kidding. FML

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By mikep - Netherlands

Today, I asked my mother if she thought my cat was getting fat. She replied "It's not the cat you should worry about". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I received a notification that someone opened a fraudulent credit card in my name. I'm not sure what's worse: that they were approved at all with my terrible credit, or that I was denied for this exact card when I applied out of desperation last month to pay for my service dog's surgery. FML

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By ertyo - Romania - Oradea

Today, it's Christmas Eve. I was the happiest ever realizing that all the bills are paid, all the presents are bought, all the food is ready, and I still have some money left. This my biggest accomplishment so far as a young adult. Until I realized I don't have a tree. Adulting is hard. FML

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By Miguel - United States

Today, in algebra, I took out my notebook. My Chinese teacher was so impressed with my "Chinese" writings on the cover that I'm now her "favorite student". Those "Chinese" symbols are actually Japanese, but I wanted someone to like me so badly that I didn't correct her. FML

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By stalked - United States - Boca Raton

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

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By moudly - United States

Today, my mom finally believed me when I said I smelled mold. I lifted up the couch, and it was covered in mold. So were the bottoms of all our furniture, our beds, and my grandma's vintage chair. We've been living in mold for the past 4 months. FML

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By messyfamily - Australia

Today, I had to listen to my mother flirting on the phone with my dad's new girlfriend's ex-husband. FML

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By Megz - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, my roommate of a year and good friend of several more decided to move out. When I came home from a long work shift, I found all the cupboards emptied out of everything, including all the new stuff I bought to replace what she was going to take with her. FML

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By dunnough - United States

Today, I went to the bagel shop down the street for breakfast, the same one I've been going to for over 6 months now. At the counter the same lil' cook guy who's served me over those same 6 months, looks at me and says, "Yes, Ms?". I'm a guy. FML

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By totalloss - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband has always been clumsy, but am I alone in thinking it takes a special level of clumsy to trip over while naked and land with his penis in the mouth of the village slut across the street. FML

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By buttuglyforeveralone :( - United Kingdom - Treharris

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

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By awkward wedding

Today, a girl confessed that she's loved me for years and wants to marry me and have my children. It was my half-sister and she said it in front of everyone at a family wedding. I don't know who to be most afraid of at this point: her fiancé or my stepdad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

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Top comments

By dramaelf | 37

#5490573 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:38

Having a telepathic affair are we? You minx.

By emmingle | 24

#5490582 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

If she's walking around assaulting random people, she wasn't much of a catch in the first place...

COMMENTS

By dramaelf | 37

#5490573 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:38

Having a telepathic affair are we? You minx.

Reply

adam3650 | 12

#5490970 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 7:50

I almost dated a psychic once, but she dumped me before we met.....

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5491308 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 15:06

I knew you were going to say that 49.

By babe7260 | 30

#5490575 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:38

Must have a twin somewhere!

Reply

danial1214 | 21

#5490754 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:03

Guys, don't thumb down 3 her and 2 commented at the same time.

Reply

Olympiakos10 | 15

#5490784 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:30

3 is 2s twin who wrote the same thing as 2, thus making no sense

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#5490839 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 5:14

33 Waaaaah.

Nice of you to keep the peace.

Reply

Disobey_fml | 13

#5492106 - Wednesday 15 May 2013 1:07

Or a doppelganger.

By young_weezy_fml | 3

#5490578 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:39

maybe the wedding you are attending is yours and it's with her man

Reply

evilraider | 5

#5490700 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 3:05

Wtf? No

Reply

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#5491651 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 19:36

Ok, I think it's high time for you to lay off the weed there, young_weezy.

Reply

SomeRandomGuy15 | 18

#5491821 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 22:19

So are you suggesting that OP somehow has amnesia and forgot their own wedding?

By hoffmanam | 13

#5490580 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

I just hate it when that happens

By emmingle | 24

#5490582 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

If she's walking around assaulting random people, she wasn't much of a catch in the first place...

By kevinhenning | 4

#5490586 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:40

Did you tell HER that

By ilovedinosawers | 17

#5490591 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:41

Oh no she di-idn't!

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5490757 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:06

*snaps a Z in the air*

By GrinchFu1 | 27

#5490592 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:42

m/ Alba gu brath m/

Reply

BrandiLush | 31

#5490733 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 3:40

Meth is a hell of a drug.

Reply

Wimoweh | 10

#5490804 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:46

Either that or he's Scottish.

Reply

NagainaFier | 16

#5490813 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 4:51

While 31 makes a fair point, after a quick profile check, I'mma go with 37 on this one.

Reply

Llama_Face89 | 33

#5490837 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 5:12

It's Gaelic. Roughly translates to "Scotland forever"

Reply

lysx84 | 24

#5490974 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 7:57

Did 9 just get thumbed down for being a proud Scot? Is everyone just jealous?

By Adhdkid107 | 9

#5490593 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:42

People can't just go up to people and slap them. I mean maybe you looked like they girl that stole him but still. They should make sure that's the actual person.

Reply

kxxjoejoexxk | 8

#5490657 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 2:26

Yea they kinda can..... It happens almost daily according to fml

By jackaced | 7

#5490594 - Tuesday 14 May 2013 1:42

Do you look like your mother? Time to ask some questions...