Work: Today, I woke up, got dressed, drove for an hour, just to find...

By Anonymous

Today, I woke up, got dressed, drove for an hour, just to find out that I was fired. This is the closest job near me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4471

You deserved it

377

Favorite

Work

Mother of the year

This Charming Man

The Teaching Life

By Ugggggggggg - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36487

You deserved it

4840

Favorite

By DezyCoCo - United States - Penfield

Today, I spent 2 hours organizing all of my coupons, just to leave out my room for 10 seconds to come back to my 2-year-old crumbling them up and ripping them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10123

You deserved it

2541

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Southport

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48555

You deserved it

4079

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10363

You deserved it

32889

Favorite

By yellowthumb

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he regularly pees in our vegetable garden "to give the plants nitrates". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4477

You deserved it

550

Favorite

By motherless - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30634

You deserved it

2808

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Arlington

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48099

You deserved it

6268

Favorite

By toothbreaker

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1438

You deserved it

242

Favorite

By ABBenzin - United States

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41323

You deserved it

3765

Favorite

By dummy - United States

Today, while babysitting a five year old, I found a cartoon called Metalocalypse for him to watch while I made dinner. I didn't realize it was an "adult" cartoon until afterwards. He watched a whole episode about a clown with a cocaine problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15514

You deserved it

57462

Favorite

By Toomuchisoutofcontrol

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend. I'm usually in control and do my own thing. He tried taking control and I ended throwing up on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6397

You deserved it

978

Favorite

By jake - Denmark

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

20303

You deserved it

63190

Favorite

By DumbCuntApparently - Netherlands - Hilversum

Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38980

You deserved it

4434

Favorite

By herdopera

Today, my parents announced they are adding a sister-wife to our very conservative Christian family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2912

You deserved it

217

Favorite

By speechless - Canada

Gummy

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28848

You deserved it

3730

Favorite

By DJ - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33525

You deserved it

5855

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Craftsbury

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36157

You deserved it

13676

Favorite

By Mayo

Today, I met one of my favorite fitness models. She told me I need to get in shape. I weigh 150lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2327

You deserved it

396

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Are you sure?

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30160

You deserved it

3707

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my trusty old car decided that it no longer needed its back passenger window-pane, and that in fact the window would look a lot better smashed to pieces by the roadside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35545

You deserved it

3326

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/3/2021 11:00

Too much irony

Today, I tried to schedule a counseling appointment so I could vent about the lack of quality control in software. The online scheduler said to call. The secretary scheduled my appointment then said the system would send an email with the appointment link. The email did not contain any links. FML

I agree, your life sucks

716

You deserved it

Favorite

By minnEmouse - United States

Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40305

You deserved it

3231

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 11:02 - Canada - Courtenay

Supply and demand

Today, I spotted my dad watching a wildlife/nature video. I pointed out to him that the animal on the screen was critically endangered; he rebutted by telling me that it's impossible for the animal on the screen to go extinct because people keep hunting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

820

You deserved it

Favorite

By Sleepy - United States

Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7544

You deserved it

69740

Favorite

By fatcat117 - United States

Today, in order to avoid seeing my ex-girlfriend in class, I changed my schedule for "personal reasons." Apparently she had the same idea and changed her schedule as well. We now have all the same classes together. Before, we had just two. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35289

You deserved it

9740

Favorite

By rejectedprobably - United States - Zionsville

Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12312

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1125

Favorite

By badsinger - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40957

You deserved it

15480

Favorite

By WillaminaL - Canada

Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11090

You deserved it

40205

Favorite

By Mrs. Terrified - United States

Today, I was at a shooting range with my father. The target was a creepy poster of a man. My father said, "This one is for your boyfriend." Perfect groin shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30142

You deserved it

4479

Favorite

By lightblue - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend is an active member of the suicide forum. He told me I should make an account too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31584

You deserved it

3256

Favorite

By dammitrain - United States

Today, hoping to avoid the rain because I had just gotten an expensive perm, I ducked under an awning. At that moment, the store manager shook the awning, and about 6 hours of rain dumped on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36401

You deserved it

8441

Favorite

By cookiemonster - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45347

You deserved it

6651

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/1/2021 05:01

That's… a strange coincidence

Today, my boyfriend of three years hooked up with a girl who got herpes from a Michigan football player. FML

I agree, your life sucks

923

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51980

You deserved it

4360

Favorite

By a little less poor at least - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49178

You deserved it

5654

Favorite

By ZThirteen - United States

Speed racer

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14108

You deserved it

28667

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64912

You deserved it

7734

Favorite

By icanunderstand - Russian Federation

Today, I'm studying abroad in Russia, and I lost my keys to my dorm room. In the office I asked for a spare and she spoke really fast so I couldn't hear her. Assuming I don't speak Russian, she gets on the phone and calls maintenance saying, "There is this ugly girl about to cry... come fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54104

You deserved it

3658

Favorite

By Tree

So clever. Wow.

Today, my boyfriend found some noise-canceling headphones that he forgot he had. Once he adjusted them and put them on, he sat down and asked me to tell him about my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4212

You deserved it

709

Favorite

By thesaddestsoup - Macedonia - Stip

Today, my long-distance relationship ended. The only thing my dad had to say to comfort me was that he hopes my phone bills will, "go back to normal now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7532

You deserved it

1331

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By TheJokerDK | 7

#7472947 - Monday 19 June 2017 2:26

Why did they fire you?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7472955 - Monday 19 June 2017 2:46

Try moving to civilization?

COMMENTS

By Crossing | 17

#7472946 - Monday 19 June 2017 2:18

At least it wasn't two hours.

By TheJokerDK | 7

#7472947 - Monday 19 June 2017 2:26

Why did they fire you?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7472955 - Monday 19 June 2017 2:46

Try moving to civilization?

By worldclassrager | 39

#7472965 - Monday 19 June 2017 3:04

I had that happen to me...it's horrible...hope you get a new and higher pay than the one you just lost...

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7473034 - Monday 19 June 2017 6:03

There are jobs that you can work from your home. Here is a couple suggestions, brew moonshine or grow weed.

By Pimpfromdowntown | 11

#7473538 - Tuesday 20 June 2017 1:06

Try not being lazy and actually try working. I fire lazy employees all the time.

species4872 | 19

#7474462 - Wednesday 21 June 2017 20:22

What too lazy to walk to the corner?

ArbiterOfFML | 24

#7480450 - Thursday 6 July 2017 5:07

How do you know if they are lazy? You made a very dickish assumption.