Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
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Top comments
irishfever 0
not sure how to interpret this one.... haha that sucks it sounds like she's not ready... don't pressure her
kwbuzz23wk 0
sounds like a compliment
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Comments (437)
zander09 0
Abstinence only sex ed for the win!
redbluegreen 41
...what did you do after she fainted?
RalphSwan 0
slipped it in her unconscious mouth, of course!
sgomfg 1
lol ^
keetlover 0
lol to the lol^^
skyttlz 32
lol to the lol to the lol ^^^
HoBoJo62 0
no.
silver0jay 11
Yes.
lilpsyco 16
You then whisper suck the lollipop like good girl. Just kidding...or am I ;)
Ashwin_fml 0
Ahahahaha! epic. :) she'll ease a bit with more experience. Just don't push her.
WorldCupCheer 0
thnk u 14! I hate guys who push girls to have sex
SarahxD10 0
right. it's stupid
BillyDisselhorst 3
Obviously your a prude girl
WomboCombo 0
Ahahhaha This man is packing a MONSTER.
elemenopyqrstuv 0
im with #11
Zoa_fml 0
You've been together for 2 years and she hasn't seen your penis?? You have more problems than her fainting at the sight of it!
kwbuzz23wk 0
how on Earth do you date for 2 years and not ever show her the penis? and then all of a sudden decide to have sex. i never say this but... i call fake.
WorldCupCheer 0
nice 345 I know I don't I wait at least minimum a year depends when I actualy feel something for the guy and I'm comfortable with him which is the same or any girl that's not a ****
T1A2Z3 35
A girl who waits less than a year in a committed relationship to do ANYTHING sexual is a ****?? Seriously???
incoming_pudding 9
In all fairness they could have been in a long distance relationship and not felt comfortable sending nudes etc
Anon_Coconut 0
She clearly isn't ready for this yet. I suggest trying some 3rd base activities before having sex.
a_homeless_guy 0
lol 13, i was about to ask the same thing
BigLord 0
#13 hehehehehehehehehe