Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
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Top comments
irishfever 0
not sure how to interpret this one.... haha that sucks it sounds like she's not ready... don't pressure her
kwbuzz23wk 0
sounds like a compliment
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Comments (437)
randomsloth 0
you guys had been together for 2 years and she had never seen your penis? wow thats crazy but thats like super special not a lot of couples can say that well...good luck with that man hope it goes better next time..lol
BiggLJ 0
So what? It's not like she needs to be conscious. If she's asleep you don't even gotta worry about a rubber!
hawaiintropic88 0
DO NOT PRESSURE HER. She obviously isn't metally prepared for what is going to happen. Take smaller steps. Make sure she is ready and talk about it. Goodluck next time.
Lounia_fml 8
I don't get the ppl here.. damnit, if someone decides to wait, he or she is stupid, if they go for it, they're ****** and ***** and players all that shit. Make a goddamn decision about it!!
MandM44 0
#118, I hope you're joking...
roflbubbles 0
How is #7 gonna say anything.. She's a lesbian; I think the only reason some girls turn into lesbians is because they cant get a guy. but, oh well, they could go **** themselves i guess. and so what is its 2 years. ****, atleast he actually likes her enough to stay with her for 2 years and still not get anything, but ah ohh well, cyaaaa
lovexestella 0
Funny if it happened, but... Fake? If you had been together for two years and just begun to think about sexual things, I would imagine you wouldn't decide to go all the way without a couple trial runs first. I mean, you'd never even seen each other naked but you suddenly decide, "Hm, I think it seems prudent to screw one another now."
danisonx3 0
well like everyone needs to CHILL THE F OUT. okay so they waited that's really good you should all try it sometime! and she got really nervous and freaked; take smaller steps but i hope that she agreed and wasn't pressured into this situation if so, ydi but i guess not because u said u both agreed to.
AngelRaven89 0
Okay really to all the people leaving comments about doing her when she's unconcious (even if your kidding), thats sickening... can you say "rapist"? Herve I think you are a great guy, (definatly a keeper!!), for waiting two years for her. Sorry your evening didn't go quite as planned but it sounds like you two love each other so she will come around :) I don't really believe that your life is F'd but you didn't deserve it either. ps. congratulations on your anaconda xD I honestly don't believe anything smaller would cause sombody to faint, but who knows..
RedNymph234 0
How old is this girl??? Kids like at the age of ten see penises either in health class or the internet!