Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML
Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML
Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML
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Top comments
ClassyCommando 13
Calcium gives him strong boners.
FortuneCookie3 1
maybe he could suck the blockage out.
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Comments (206)
ahabsfan 17
Memorize the following: ouch, no, stop, get out of my trailer, we're through. Feel free to use them in any order.
LennyComa 39
Cut off all sexual services till he plays nice?
Acdcmason14 0
Pics or it didn't happen
TheLadyOpal 30
FYL! If I were you I'd consider moving on to someone who's less of an immature douche.
laden_swallow09 35
"YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!" D:
kurtap 0
Don't let him suck your nipples, problem solved
Mauskau 36
Even a little bit hurts me.. I tell my bf to stop because it hurts and he does. Unless your bf is an asshole, OP, he would stop if you asked him to. If he doesn't stop then you simply get dressed and dont let him near them.
Mauskau 36
Even a little bit hurts me.. I tell my bf to stop because it hurts and he does. Unless your bf is an asshole, OP, he would stop if you asked him to. If he doesn't stop then you simply get dressed and dont let him near them.
mickstisy 3
That's what you get for robbing the cradle
tonygar 17
Brest milk...yummmmm