Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML
Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML
Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML
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Top comments
ClassyCommando 13
Calcium gives him strong boners.
FortuneCookie3 1
maybe he could suck the blockage out.
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Comments (206)
astralvagan 20
On a serious note, try putting Lansinoh in your nipples....... This should serve two purposes...... To help with your pain and to make it taste undesirable to your douche of a bf
BloodyLunar 5
Shouldn't he be sucking somewhere else on you instead?
alanm707 6
Hahaha. OML
laden_swallow09 35
OML? "Oh, My Liver"?
xXxIracebethxXx 14
It could also be OTL... I've never seen OML. :3
mijnliefje 2
Ydi for allowing him to do that for an extensive amount of time
astralvagan 20
Come off it! You must not have a sex life if you can't appreciate some good foreplay lasting a while
lolmigosh 15
Dude your boyfriend is ****** up.
mom2pen 4
**** blockage him.
evebright 5
Have the urge to squeeze his nuts to see if they will crack. Daily. Until your breasts feel better. Ouch.
lor4888 0
Pics or it didn't happen.
zoe768532 1
Wow what an asshole.
Bullheard 0
thanks for telling me.., i might hav to stop..