Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML
Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML
Today, my boyfriend started to kiss my boobs. I am pregnant and started my lactation period. Now every time he looks at me he calls me milky way. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, my husband admitted to me that he has a mental block about touching my boobs, because he's afraid that breast milk is going to spurt out at him. I had my son 5 months ago and I don't breast feed. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML
Today, as I bent over to pick up my baby, a wasp flew into my bra. I jumped up in a panic, flattening the wasp between my boob and my bra, where it stung me on the nipple, which is now swollen, a funny colour, and throbbing. Did I mention the nipple was already irritated from breastfeeding? FML
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Top comments
ClassyCommando 13
Calcium gives him strong boners.
FortuneCookie3 1
maybe he could suck the blockage out.
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Comments (206)
ClassyCommando 13
Calcium gives him strong boners.
WCARlover 35
It's funny cause bones.
DanFML91 0
Your name fit your comment perfectly. Straight to the point like a commando with a slight classiness in delivery. Well done lol
kingsley_fml 8
@20: Only a bonehead wouldn't get that joke...
iDaniel525 8
I don't get the joke at all, but I still got a boner.
CheckItOutItsYou 7
I'm not really sure this a joke, just seems like advice to me
WCARlover 35
Good one 23
lebronesque73091 12
Good luck explaining that to be your parents.
taytay6510 6
Hahahah! 1- Your joke sure tickled my funny bone! Silly goose. ;)
WCARlover 35
I realized it sounded like I was being sarcastic when I said good one to 23 but I wasn't..
faithxoxox 1
You never go commando in another man's fatigues!
changesinme 0
Get him a cow before he clog up your other gland
starburst7596 14
I see what you did there...
bylliam 0
Haha 20's just getting torn a new one today
waterpool 0
Your retarded
dogpfcorn 11
^buzz kill
idefka 34
WCARlover, stop, you not helping youtlr case.
FortuneCookie3 1
maybe he could suck the blockage out.
bananabuttercup 8
It doesnt quite work that way.
RainbowHeadache 2
Actually it does. Comes out looking about like a grain of rice. The more you know.
DreBeezy 9
Well maybe you could do the same thing to him !!! Wait......
CareFace 16
By mammary, it's breast he suck tit out..
DryHumor 4
Yum. Lumpy breastmilk?
AlaskanEskimo34 0
Give him blue balls. I guarentee he won't be laughing.
princess151617 4
That's gross
flakitaa22 0
Is it wrong that this turned me on?
GoW_Chick 15
No, no it's not.
thaCODgod 4
no
ClassyCommando 13
Anyone else a little surprised there haven't been a whole heap of "pics or it didn't happen" comments?
iDaniel525 8
Pics or it didn't happen.
takrushi 4
It's not because you said it on the Internet. We are all perfectly sane people here ;)
ibebrandy 4
No, no its not ;)
G0v3nat0r 7
I'm jealous of OP's boyfriend
flakitaa22 0
172- &im jealous of OP
G0v3nat0r 7
179- we can fix that
flakitaa22 0
;)
Lythargic 0
You'll get over it.
katt_is_here 24
Dumbass.
Blackmail111 9
Wait wait wait! You let your boyfriend suck on your nips whenever he feels like (Which is most likely a lot)?
GoW_Chick 15
Ever hear of foreplay? Maybe they just went a little overboard with it
heyred 11
You need to study your own anatomy, sir.
bioboy725 10
#50, I find it funny that you think too much head would "suck"
extradorkyloser 4
Welllll, it is kind of hot. An unfortunate, rare scenario. The real FML is that he's a major jerk.
Isaac_The_Man 0
Get him a cow.
Blackmail111 9
I sense more pain coming for OP. First the **** are out of the way so he moves on to the vigina which = A trip to the gynocologist. After that he moves onto the ass which = A rectal exam. Finally he'll get to the mouth which will = A trip to the dentist. As a last resort he might try...KNEE SEX
Tdevonner 0
140...I think all the people who were turned on by the post itself are now all leaving fml n goin to **** thanks to ur play by play of endless clit sucking, butt *******, n cum swallowing...n if they werent clicking over before they are now! not speaking of myself tho.. ahem excuse me...
Commander223 9
That's hot.
LiyIa_fml 8
I feel like, I've recently seen this comment before... Oh wait... I have. You lazy bum.
JustOhSoLovely 6
But his picture goes with it better
Commander223 9
So I get called a bum by using the same joke twice..? Hahaha. Both the homeless man fapping and this situation work well with the comment.
SRabbit 11
That suckles :P Seriously though that is unfortunate for you but at least it seems he is rather into you.
Poser1337 5
Well, doesn't THAT 'suck'?
supimnyancat 9
You must have some nice *******.
kingsley_fml 8
Wow, he sounds like such a boob.
CheckItOutItsYou 7
that comment is ****
kingsley_fml 8
That's the breast reply I've seen so far...
katt_is_here 24
The beast reply in recent mammary.
DryHumor 4
Such a puntastic thread. K
menechiann 0
**** a lovely day
anonymoustravis 0
This is the breast thread ever!
ClassyCommando 13
Until you **** tit up ^
Meowingtons500 18
Perhaps OPs significant other had a inadequate childhood due to being bottlefed as a wee little gaffer. Possibly he just wants the natural nipple feel he never got. Or he likes your *******. Or both.
missy73 3
Not all ppl who don't get breastfed have obsession with boobs. Think he's just obsessed wit them
Meowingtons500 18
Yeah. I think so also.
lishy1311 0
I just think he is foreplaying..