Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML
Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbors attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML
Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML
Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML
Today, my psycho ex showed up at my doorstep to beg me to take her back, so I pulled my gun on her. I just found out she's pressing charges. FML
Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML
Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML
Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
hannahgreely 14
thank god you broke up with her though, imagine having him as a father in law!
Demixie 14
If you don't actually own a gun and can prove it(i.e Allowing the police to search your possessions), threaten to file misconduct and also report the false call.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (81)
moniqueee18 13
Thank goodness you dumped her & her psycho family
PennyLane27 32
Ironically, YOU are the one who dodged the bullet!! (If she's as nutty as your name suggests lol)
captainsmegma 12
Christmas is coming. Got any pictures of you boning his daughter? That would make a great Christmas card.
worldclassrager 41
They need valid proof to arrest you...at least where I live they do
Bragi 12
It's called "probable cause" and witness statements are sufficient.
Iceberg86300 14
Nope, otherwise he'd be in jail, not posting a FML. They just brought him in for questioning. I'm guessing complying with their request to be “brought in ”saved the guy an arrest. And again, pretty sure no ROR on a on any charge that would come from this, hence he's posting and not sitting a cell. Of course an asset can still be made.
mr_aaaaaaaa 12
This FML reminds me of a Chinese word: a rabbit will never eat the grass which is near home
shay_serendipity 29
...
brewmasterg 34
The word you're looking for is 'proverb'.
HomelessDonut 9
What happened to "Innocent Until Proven Guilty?" Is it now "Guilty Until Proven Guilty?"
juturnaamo 29
He never said he was convicted of anything.
HomelessDonut 9
"Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell."
Cray_Cray300 6
never date again.
tool3rdeye 7
You could solve this by not even dating your neighbors. That's as bad as dating co workers. In the end it never works. And you pay for it. Sorry OP.
False_Stupidity 42
There are always exceptions.. for example, I dated a co-worker and now we are happily married.
thefmlman2011 37
My parents were co-workers and now happily married aswell.
TerraShadow 18
Hey you dodged a man. Imagine marrying the crazy girl, you would have a crazy father-in-law too.
jude_iscariot 7
You should've also learned to say "eff the police".
laden_swallow09 35
Ooh, I see you're a gangster. I'm pretty gangster, myself. More like "**** your half-baked advice, 41."