Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML
Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
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Top comments
ollie179 21
Well at least he's not saying, "You like that? HUH? DO YA?" "NO! Please stop! AAAAHHHH!" That would be awkward.
heythere131630 9
You live with Golem???
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Comments (137)
raphael1123 13
Next time reply saying, "No, I don't like it," when he asks himself
mosquito19 14
he was talking to his hand puppet Jennifer Lopez
Born2die 11
Right hand man
Swag12345678910 2
My Wang needs to be leashed
BlackPhenom 9
Funniest FML ever. you win.
skylersilcon 3
You should start masturbating in your room & see who can scream the loudest! :O
no_lungs 16
Dude, you're the weird one for staying there and listening to him going "HAM" on himself..
hola147 3
.....Aaaaand Boom Goes The Dynamite
winkiwinki 7
Disgusting ! ! !
icepick23 12
Record it, then play it very loudly next time he has friends over