Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML
Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
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Top comments
ollie179 21
Well at least he's not saying, "You like that? HUH? DO YA?" "NO! Please stop! AAAAHHHH!" That would be awkward.
heythere131630 9
You live with Golem???
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Comments (137)
MrsAlexander83 10
Are you sure he was alone? Maybe he had another guy in there and they just oddly sound the same! ;) Still...I'd probably lock my door.
pieman528 10
I'd be a little more worried if there was another guy in there. :/
Ch1996W 4
If you cnt beat em join em
lsfactor 4
That's not too bad. If he was asking 'do you like this dick?' Then there'd be cause for concern.
pieman528 10
Tell him you secretly recorded him saying that, and if he ever does it again you'll post it where the world can see.
perdix 29
"So, how do you like it?" "It's OK, you seem a little off your game." "I'm a little tired." "Then, why don't we forget about it for now and do it later?" "No, I know you need to jack off now." "Not if you're going to make such a half-assed effort at it." "Fine! Just deal with your unresolved boner." "Eh, I'll find someone else to do it." "Who? Lefty? He's a klutz! Good luck with that." "Um, no, maybe someone else." "You mean like a girl? It's about time!" "Then I wouldn't need you!" "**** you! I'll slap your ****." "**** you! I'll punch you in the balls!" (**** slap) (nut punch) "Oooooww" "Oooowww" . . . and scene!
poccocurantes 7
And the Tony for best one act play goes to Perdix for "Hand in Glove".
Baybiiie 11
Wow you are that sad you had to actually sit and type all that out? Americans.......
Zomg_Okay 26
Hand Solo.
80skid 15
Hire him a hooker immediately.
kalbrek009 20
Was he having phone sex or does he just have a golem type split personality? Maybe you should go to the bathroom & fake it so he can hear just how loud & ridiculous he sounds...or better yet, record it & play it back loud when he's trying to sleep or has company over...that'll fix the issue.
tj4234 35
*gollum
MuldRAR 6
Well does he?
DanielleinDC 33
Miss Michigan.