Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML
Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML
Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML
Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML
Today, as usual, my flatmate is so loud when talking face to face that my ears and head rattle. I can't say anything because how dare I suggest there's anything wrong with my roommate's hearing. Yet nobody else talks this loud. FML
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
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Top comments
ollie179 21
Well at least he's not saying, "You like that? HUH? DO YA?" "NO! Please stop! AAAAHHHH!" That would be awkward.
heythere131630 9
You live with Golem???
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Comments (137)
DarkJediLove 19
He is just practicing that whole love thy self before loving others thing.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22
Run bro, run...
klovemachine 24
U horny bro? :D
kingsian 15
Throw water on his ass and tell him NO
TheDrifter 23
Cheer him on. Get freaky with your suggestions and either he will learn to be quiet, or you will have a hit YouTube clip next time he does it.
docscientist 9
I seriously hope to post it on YouTube isn't a real suggestion.
AnimeCookie 9
His penis is a millipede singing to Charlie the unicorn.
StEpHiE1226 12
Ew.
poccocurantes 7
I am sorry but before you tell us he is talking to himself you are going to have to bust in on him and make sure it's not blue tooth
twye 22
He's on the phone while masturbating?
poccocurantes 7
phone sex.
klovemachine 24
Phone sex is awesome. Phone ************ is, um, kind of awesome!?! :O
poccocurantes 7
Today my flat mate burst into my room while I was having phone sex with my GF because someone on FML told him to.
TheWorldGreatest 8
He's some kind of freak , you better run quick.
Enslaved 36
He was talking to his hand puppet and she likes it a lot!!!
poccocurantes 7
His captain Picard sock puppet no less. "Make it so #1!"
Axipiter 24
Warp speed nine. Engage!