Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I had such a realistic dream that I was about to be hanged by the neck until I was dead. I was dropped through the hole and I felt the noose snap my neck at the exact moment I woke up. I ended up crying in my wife’s arms for a solid five minutes. Now I’m afraid to sleep, maybe forever. FML
Today, I woke up sweating and gasping for air after having a terrible nightmare. The nightmare involved my deceased mother-in-law bitching me out for being a bad influence on her daughter and threatening to cut my nuts off. Even in death, she won't leave me be. FML
Today, I had the last wedding meeting with my fiancé at our church. Running extremely late from my friends house I failed to notice a small penis drawn on my forehead by my friends when I fell asleep after a party. The priest wasn't too happy and said numerous prayers for me. FML
Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Today, I had a horrific nightmare where I was lost in the woods and got mauled to death by a hungry wolf. I fully blacked out in the dream before waking up in real life, at 3AM, where I found that my room was pitch black because I forgot to open the curtains. I genuinely thought I was dead for about five seconds. FML
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
Today, I woke up to a pile of hair on my floor. I looked in the mirror and realized the hair was from my head. I had a dream about cutting my hair and I guess it came true. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
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Top comments
thehumanlyhuman 7
Your foreskin was... alive? Circumcision guilt?
robbins28 7
What the hell?
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Comments (150)
juliaannw 11
Umm..what?
darwinism 30
If you have masterbated...i hope you don't have any more nightmares! You are in Washington, call Fox Mulder for help.
awkwardloveannie 28
what.. the places your subconscious wanders
cb1549 7
Ok, not even I have had weirder dreams than that!
SThompson90 7
Funny, strange but not necessarily an FML
Rainhawk94 27
Who's i responsible for this fml. Oh wait we are
laden_swallow09 34
I think it's trying to communicate.
Rainhawk94 27
I don't take grammar lessons from a strawberry
olpally 32
You need help op. That's just ****** up.
karmaliss 18
I think we need a WTF option for this FML.
MiMiLove96 10
Your foreskin is in a better place
perdix 29
As my grandpa said when my cousin got his cut off as a baby, "They cut off a piece before they know if you're going to need it or not."
RadikulRam 16
I don't know why people are thumbing this comment down, I was circumcised age 7 and didn't understand what was happening to me. That said, I don't feel like OP and if you could magically regrow my foreskin, I'd refuse because what I have is what I'm used too. But I'm still against circumcision being forced onto children for over the name of religion/ritual and think we should draw a line when removing bodily parts outside medical needs.
mommahotness 1
You're just wrong. W - R -O -N -G. Think of what you have. Spilled milk does not a path make.