Miscellaneous: Today, my mom asked me to help pick out clothes for my grandma...

By naomids - 30/12/2011 00:29 - United States

Today, my mom asked me to help pick out clothes for my grandma to wear in her casket. I didn't know she'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 183

You deserved it 3 004

Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

Another great day to be alive

Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic

By blinded - 11/02/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I went to get a facial. I forgot my contact case so I put them into paper cup. My beautician thought it was leftover water from someone else, and threw my only pair of vision aid away. I scuttled home half blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 151

You deserved it 26 760

And I oop

By porkers gonna pork :\ - 12/03/2016 15:09 - Australia - Elsternwick

Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 769

You deserved it 6 285

By explosivepeach - 30/05/2015 01:34 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 581

You deserved it 5 876

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 29/08/2020 14:09

Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 013

You deserved it 90

By Mrs. Man - 02/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 884

You deserved it 7 609

By JaneVI - 10/02/2011 22:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I got an e-mail from my seminar tutor asking why I wasn't in class. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 941

You deserved it 2 906

By Silverfeathery - 14/11/2016 11:19 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I was making out with a guy in his car, when we decided we needed a minute of fresh air. We stepped out, only to completely lock ourselves out, with our phones and the keys inside. We had to smash a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 564

You deserved it 2 762

By MaeMoss - 18/07/2012 14:21 - United States

Today, I used a man's shirt as a pillowcase and sprayed it with cologne so I wouldn't feel alone in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 965

You deserved it 8 261

By TragicallyAnxious - 09/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had a draft paper due that I hadn’t written yet. I decided to skip the class to avoid embarrassment. Later, I went to change my major and was told to go to room 223 to talk to the English department head. I knocked on the door and the professor whose class I'd skipped answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 2 376

By Smokey9 - 25/07/2011 15:12 - United States

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 578

You deserved it 62 409

Movie night

By nah - 11/06/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend finally convinced me to watch Harry Potter for the first time. I was bored out of my mind the entire time, and by about an hour in, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to punch Hermione for being a rude little know it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 1 619

By vadoodoo22 - 15/01/2010 05:02 - France

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend and I asked her to give me her phone to make a call since mine was dead. A text came in from someone and the name sounded familiar. My bestfriend has been dating my girlfriend longer than I have, and she gave him head. I kissed her earlier that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 876

You deserved it 3 227

By Anonymous - 24/06/2016 21:35 - United States - Middleboro

Today, my daughter posted a poem on Facebook about how her father and I abused her for years. It's a complete lie and an obvious attempt to impress her boyfriend, whom she thanked for "rescuing" her. I've received several hateful messages already, along with threats to report me to CPS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 846

You deserved it 1 087

By sad - 08/12/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, after the firetruck and EMS came to my house for an emergency, I realized that not all firefighters looked like the ones in my calendar. This depressed me more than the emergency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 856

You deserved it 43 198

By pissedoff - 28/06/2016 11:53 - United States - Benton

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 816

You deserved it 1 330

By eirbear - 14/09/2018 18:30

Today, someone had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom at work and didn't clean it up. I'm the only female in the office and I have only one toilet with no window or fan, so I have to leave the door open to air it out. It's right beside the canteen. Everyone will think it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 117

By dumbass - 07/02/2011 00:58

Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long distance relationship and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 295

You deserved it 3 723

By laurwitharawr - 06/10/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 362

You deserved it 4 414

By pugs - 29/01/2010 08:43 - France

Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 396

You deserved it 4 604

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 05:34 - Canada

Today, I searched for free parking near my work for 30 minutes, trying to avoid paying $12 at a pay lot. I scored a spot, but 1 mile away from the office. I trekked through rain, cold, and got to work late. It was a long hard day, crawled back to my car, and had a $30 ticket on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 338

You deserved it 39 240

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:22 - Canada - Langley

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 347

You deserved it 15 130

By MochiMomoChan - 17/09/2009 09:32 - United States

Today, I found out I'm on wage garnishment because my mother, who took out a student loan for me back in '05, didn't pay off the $2015 owed when she said she would. I got screwed over financially because of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 819

You deserved it 9 354

By Forgotten One - 15/10/2009 11:11 - France

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years decided to start an online blog about his life. He mentioned his cars, his friends and even his staff. I was never mentioned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 844

You deserved it 4 914

By Brian - 18/03/2012 02:32 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 135

You deserved it 5 088

Don't let it come to this

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 02:01

Today, we had the cops called on us because my son was panicking so much about his first COVID jab, his older sister got fed up, took him outside, put him in a headlock and choked him unconscious so the nurse could jab him. Instead, the nurse called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 1 137

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 628

You deserved it 4 922

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 040

You deserved it 15 125

Monday morning

By Exil - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to call patients that we hadn't seen in a long time. Most of them were dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 106

You deserved it 2 014

By sad_panda - 26/06/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 172

You deserved it 6 929

The Psychopath Test

By ji. - 28/09/2021 17:00

Today, I caught my two-year-old son dragging his baby sister, by the hair, with a smile on his face. My husband still believes there’s a possibility our son isn’t a psychopath because, and I quote, “He’s only two.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 277

Horndog

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 08:01

Today, despite giving my sister a place to stay while she's in town for a funeral, she demanded I give a bedroom to her son to have to himself, because, "How am I supposed to have 'sexy time' with my husband with him in the room?" Everyone's sharing rooms, and no one's getting sexy time as someone literally died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 87

By mothtal - 03/06/2012 16:13 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 470

You deserved it 2 249

By Girl With a Cold - 08/02/2012 18:46

Today, I was sick, so I emailed my co-workers with a list of my hours, asking if anyone would be willing to cover them for me. I only got one hour covered, and that was during a day I don't even work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 2 673

By iliveformystery - 31/10/2014 15:56 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 142

You deserved it 6 546

By UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh - 09/02/2013 17:21 - Kenya

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 660

You deserved it 2 301

By John Doe - 29/01/2015 17:01 - United States - Columbia

Today, my parents continue comparing me to my "perfect" friend. He smokes dope, is a compulsive thief, and has gone to juvie numerous times. I'm passing school with flying colors and have never been in any trouble with the law. Apparently I should be more like him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 925

You deserved it 2 374

By please don't back that thing up - 09/08/2013 05:00 - United States

Today, I stopped at a red light, when I noticed the car in front of me was in reverse. I honked at the driver, hoping he'd realize and place the car in drive. He thought the light turned green and immediately backed into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 608

You deserved it 6 236

By angry - 22/06/2010 07:47 - Australia

Today, I went camping with my husband. We drove 11 hours to his favourite site before he remembered he didn't put the tent in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 426

You deserved it 5 930

Ouch

By xJade2012x - 24/11/2011 07:58 - United States

Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 930

You deserved it 20 574

By Pithegreat - 06/01/2016 04:48 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, I went to move a load of laundry out of the washer and into the dryer, but the clothes were already in the dryer. Normally, I would be happy about this. However, I am currently living alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 570

You deserved it 2 021

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Top comments

Airman1988 9

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:34

What we have here is a failure to communicate

Airman1988 9

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Friday 30 December 2011 9:16

"When I die, I want to be buried face down, so that way, whoever doesn't like me can kiss my ass!" Red Foreman (That 70's show)

So2011 4

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:33

Wow, you and your mom should have a better relationship than that. Well, at least your grandma will look nice.

abbyelizabeth 9

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:44

Oh yes, nothing like a well dressed deceased Grandmother to make life so much better!

Airman1988 9

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Friday 30 December 2011 9:16

"When I die, I want to be buried face down, so that way, whoever doesn't like me can kiss my ass!" Red Foreman (That 70's show)

kurlyfries222 0

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Friday 30 December 2011 13:32

You spell mom differently; we spell it mum. Doesn't make sense why you changed it to an o. Do any other words use the 'o' for a 'u'? Bum -bom?

remz89 3

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Friday 30 December 2011 16:09

^I hate trollers

princessbits 17

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Friday 30 December 2011 17:50

46 you can spell it either way

DreBeezy 9

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Friday 30 December 2011 19:45

46- Shut the hell up, you're not making any sense.

dancersinger124 7

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Saturday 31 December 2011 5:39

That 70s Show can never be beat.

skynerd57 0

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Thursday 14 June 2012 4:56

What the hell is wrong with you! If my gran was dead I wouldn't really care how she looked, I would be crying.

Airman1988 9

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:34

What we have here is a failure to communicate

YayorNay 8

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Friday 30 December 2011 9:08

Martin Lawrence

weritomexican 7

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Friday 30 December 2011 10:27

Major Payne? (")(^.^)(")

CuteGinger 2

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Friday 30 December 2011 17:55

Love that song :3

Rose_916 16

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Monday 6 August 2012 7:18

That was her way of telling you she did but anyways FYL

fmlluver1415 6

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:35

sewers..... that really is an fml I hope your relationship with your family improves :/

jworret 0

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:35

Tell her no! If she can't be bothered to even tell you than you can't be bothered to go through that work.

FinJage 18

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:52

At least do it for the grandma.

jworret 0

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Friday 30 December 2011 9:10

You could do something else in her honor that isn't promoting the mother's laziness.

buzz009x 4

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Friday 30 December 2011 15:40

17- Buckethead is the BEST! And when u see him live..ur life will be fulfilled.

LaColombianita 26

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:36

Aw I'm sorry for your loss :(

Indigo14 6

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:41

I'm sorry but how do you not know if your grandma dies? Communication is key. But RIP

ClassyCommando 13

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Saturday 31 December 2011 10:42

Hang on, who said she's dead? That was not stated anywhere in the post. Perhaps they are merely preparing for the funeral in advance.

Arxikist 3

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:41

Sorry for your loss OP.

jrsylilballer6 7

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:42

Your mom is messed up. I'm sorry for your loss though OP. FYl indeed

nattynatters 14

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Friday 30 December 2011 10:43

My mom asked me to do the same thing. Only my grandma was still alive. And shopping with us. It was awkward.

bjr1208 3

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:43

Sorry op. your moms a bitch

linkinpark98 23

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Friday 30 December 2011 8:44

Wow.... sorry for your loss, OP. :( You should confront your mother about things you know.

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 437

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 714

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