Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got home and found my husband, naked with an erection and my panties on his face like a mask. He claimed to be the Panty Bandit there to plunder my booty. I might have indulged his insanity and had sex with him were my mom and dad not right behind me in the doorway. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML
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Top comments
Hermyoni 0
That is funny. Not only because your husband has a pirate fetish but because your neighbors overheard it.
unkinged44 0
also when u have an ****** yell THAR SHE BLOWS
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Comments (184)
SP63_fml 0
I'm guessing he had a pretty good plunder.
sonnyv 0
mr. crabs!?
marissajean42 0
That's Krabs, with a K. Mr. Crabs is the guy who had sex with your mum last night... wonder where he got the name. JK I'm just trash talking please don't take it personally, I got no sleep last night and am currently cynical.
JessTrek 0
Haha, this reminds me of "Long John Peter." Maybe next time you could dress up as a pirate ****. Get into it.
Emma_91 0
I would totally do that. Just saying ;D
no_luck83 0
that's hot
flygirlnene 0
X MARKS THE SPOT
JRSpaniel 0
Better yet: G marks the spot.
sentient 10
I don't see a problem here. Carry on.
Theguybehindyou 0
... did you just say "when HE orgasmed"?
sadistmonkey 19
yes, because orgasms happen to both sexes.
iKaite 0
No shit, Sherlock.
Nakedsquirrel 5
Your husband should be high-fived.
skiBOAT 0
unkinged44's comment made me laugh out loud.
Neferria 0
He totally plundered your booty.
plexico 4
Be glad he didn't try to put the six-pounder to yer bung hole!