Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got home and found my husband, naked with an erection and my panties on his face like a mask. He claimed to be the Panty Bandit there to plunder my booty. I might have indulged his insanity and had sex with him were my mom and dad not right behind me in the doorway. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML
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Top comments
Hermyoni 0
That is funny. Not only because your husband has a pirate fetish but because your neighbors overheard it.
unkinged44 0
also when u have an ****** yell THAR SHE BLOWS
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Comments (184)
marz88 0
+1 internets for your husband. I have my FB in pirate English XD
Emma_91 0
lol me too ^_^ Your husband sounds awesome. Anyone else notice an abundance of these type of FMLs suddenly?
hockey9797 0
wow I feel bad for your future children. embarrasing dad alert
TehTy 0
Rofl, I'm amused that your neighbors thought he found buried treasure. xD
tpag3r 0
iloveyourhusband
Colleennn1579 0
hahaha well thats embarrasing
irrelevantxx 0
Hahahahaha
qwertyone 0
Tell them it was the tv or something.
nodayliketoday 0
I swear, I get my best moves from this site. Thank you, OP. This shit is AWESOME!
oh_mi_shizzle 0
lmao!!! hahaha your lover sure knows how to be sexy... xD that's embarrassing though.. you must really love him to still have sex with him even while he says retarded shizzle like that... lol kinda cute... FYL but hey... you love him so it shouldn't be that bad... :) and you /know/ u pleased him if the neighbor heard...
sublime93 0
What's with the ******* periods? Damn it they're so ******* unnecessary.
marissajean42 0
@116 you sound like a girl explaining why she takes birth control. not to be offensive.
Skull_300 0
WTF?..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
omg009 0
Well how much was the treasure worth?