lonely girl 2 July 2013, 06:47 Oregon City, United States 🌶️ Spicy

iTouch

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

134 comments

Collection

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter

When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!

Same thing different taste

Anonymous 24 January 2017, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

18 comments

Anonymous 12 November 2022, 16:00 🌶️ Spicy

Overdoing it a bit

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

3 comments

flopsy 3 December 2010, 16:19 Australia 🌶️ Spicy

A tale as old as time

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

245 comments

Anonymous 5 October 2023, 19:00 🌶️ Spicy

Frustrated wank

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

3 comments

Anonymous 16 December 2021, 19:59 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I realised I may have some kind of problem, given that I masturbate daily, and sex with my wife no longer interests me because it takes too long, involves her instead of me alone, is too much hard work, and generally annoys me. FML

15 comments

SelfServiced 3 November 2014, 01:31 San Francisco, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

53 comments

Anonymous 20 September 2011, 10:39 Australia 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML

134 comments

Anonymous 20 June 2015, 01:22 United States

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

89 comments

Anonymous 15 November 2023, 10:00 🌶️ Spicy

Bye bye

Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML

2 comments

Kyra.45 3 October 2013, 22:46 Troy, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

181 comments

Juneyah1017 9

2 July 2013, 18:57

.... Find a man! It shouldn't be hard if you want sex.

keverdeen 14

2 July 2013, 18:58

Maybe it's time to invest in a toy.

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Comments (134)

ImGucci 8

2 July 2013, 19:28

Don't worry I'm a pretty "handy" man

brittyboo123 35

2 July 2013, 19:33

I think it's harder for girls to ****** with their hands. I feel your trouble OP. Just get a boyfriend, much easier!

FlyingLeumer 19

2 July 2013, 19:34

All of these comments suggesting a toy or a boy are just fine, but did you ever think that just maybe your hand is getting bored with your routine? Go get it a manicure, clip its nails, make it look pretty, and I'm sure your hand will return the favor by stimulating your oh so needing ******. Probs cheaper than a boyfriend!