Intimacy: Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body...

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 20:00

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 828

You deserved it 1 591

Intimacy

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Top comments

wanted_2_want 40

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:09

Did it ask you "is it in yet"??

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:11

You do have another one, or would that be cheating?

Comments

The_Avatar 22

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:05

You should look on the bright side. Some people actually try and force the hand to fall asleep to get that feeling!

wanted_2_want 40

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:09

Did it ask you "is it in yet"??

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:11

You do have another one, or would that be cheating?

shewasashowgirl 6

Tuesday 24 January 2017 20:36

Time to use the phrase "On the other hand..." as an instruction.

Rawrshi 25

Tuesday 24 January 2017 21:25

This is why you're supposed to alternate between hands.

MindGames 10

Tuesday 24 January 2017 21:36

Stranger danger

abNormal62 23

Tuesday 24 January 2017 22:13

You know you are a bad lay when...

DerrickJames 33

Wednesday 25 January 2017 1:11

Loss of blood flow to your hand may be the problem.. you should get that checked out.

theonecasey 27

Wednesday 25 January 2017 2:24

Do you have "shot" attention span?

Ray_of_midnight 22

Wednesday 25 January 2017 2:58

This is an old joke by Woody Allen.

Keywords

Allergies Love Sex Housework Relatable Flowers Weird Cheating Work Parents Kids Awkward Exhausted Sleep Break-ups Death Clothes Bodyshaming Customers AITA Money Health Doctor Vegan Education Intimacy Annoying ACAB Cops Ironic

The Top

Aujourd'hui, ma petite sœur de 19 ans, très timide, a eu besoin d'aller chercher un chéquier à la banque. C'est moi qui l'ai accompagnée et qui ai parlé pour elle. La guichetière m'a regardée et m'a demandé : "Vous êtes bien sa maman ?" Oui, oui, j'ai 24 ans et je l'ai eue à l'âge de 5 ans. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 85 949

You deserved it 6 296

Aujourd'hui, un chauffagiste vient faire des travaux chez nous alors que je suis seule. Il m'a parlé pendant des dizaines de minutes de sa vie, et du fait que sa femme et lui n'avaient plus de rapports sexuels depuis des années. VDM

I agree, your life sucks 5 361

You deserved it 429

The Top

Today, I found out my husband has another Instagram account. I tried adding it but it’s a private account. When I asked about it, he claimed he didn’t know what I was talking about and threw a fit about how I’m “butting into people’s business.” I went to check the account again to show him. “User not found.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 180

Today, I was intently watching my odometer to see it change from 99,999 to 100,000 when I ran into the back of another vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 277

You deserved it 31 582

Today, at my job as a teacher, I saw a student cut another student's hair, I stopped a group of students from eating glue, and I had to tell a student to put away the toy cars he was playing with. I teach high school math. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 358

You deserved it 1 260

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

I agree, your life sucks 281 107

You deserved it 47 498

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 903

You deserved it 2 767

Today, a really cute guy sat across from me on the bus. He smiled at me, then tensed his muscles and lifted a heavy bag with one arm. Thinking he was trying to act "macho" to impress me, I rolled my eyes and threw him an annoyed/disgusted look. When he got off, I realized he only had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 191

You deserved it 83 773