Today, my seven-year-old son put a spider in the microwave. Animal cruelty? No. The goal was to irradiate it, then get it to bite him so that he would become Spider-Man. FML By Alan C-Cil's Illustrated FML Saturday is upon us once again, and that can only mean one thing. Yes, a hangover from Friday night. To soothe the pain of your throbbing... 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share By SpiderFather / Tuesday 2 July 2013 08:01 / France
By Alan C-Cil's Illustrated FML Saturday is upon us once again, and that can only mean one thing. Yes, a hangover from Friday night. To soothe the pain of your throbbing... 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shauna - United States Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML I agree, your life sucks 33116 You deserved it 2561 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lightlysalted Today, I was invited to a special meal for receiving a scholarship from my college. My mom refuses to take me because “your sister’s going there too and didn’t get a scholarship; it wouldn’t be fair to her.” I guess fairness doesn’t apply to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 4133 You deserved it 199 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hearingthings - Australia - Perth Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML I agree, your life sucks 22143 You deserved it 6485 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - North Scituate Today, I found a picture of my ex with a new boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't break up with me because she was lesbian. FML I agree, your life sucks 22364 You deserved it 1851 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML I agree, your life sucks 42159 You deserved it 6428 114 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jonnyboo - United States Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML I agree, your life sucks 52443 You deserved it 2776 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PrincessPromotion - United States - Havertown Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML I agree, your life sucks 44664 You deserved it 6433 193 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Richmond Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML I agree, your life sucks 33631 You deserved it 2766 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By say no to dick - Australia - Newcastle Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML I agree, your life sucks 33665 You deserved it 43435 213 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 20:00 More issues than Vogue Today, my wife is grumpy because our son has his first girlfriend and she feels like she’s been replaced. Our son is 32 and surely it’s about damn time. FML I agree, your life sucks 1686 You deserved it 138 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cricketeer - United States Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML I agree, your life sucks 52227 You deserved it 6513 126 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML I agree, your life sucks 49970 You deserved it 17541 176 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML I agree, your life sucks 47969 You deserved it 6650 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I bought a new Ipod to replace my old one which decided to stop working. After purchasing my new nano Ipod, I decided to bang my old Ipod on the desk very hard because it was useless. It started working again. FML I agree, your life sucks 29121 You deserved it 9562 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By just me - Germany - Overath Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML I agree, your life sucks 26093 You deserved it 3458 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not letting her keep the 75 cents that she stole from my truck. FML I agree, your life sucks 23141 You deserved it 50811 329 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rplovez - Canada Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by covering my car with post-it notes that read "it's you not me." FML I agree, your life sucks 30216 You deserved it 3994 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BrisbaneCoop - Australia Today, my fiancé and I visited his family for dinner. The entire time I was there, his mother and sister had an in depth conversation about how attractive his ex girlfriends were and how they got along with them so well. FML I agree, your life sucks 36185 You deserved it 3066 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jim - United States Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML I agree, your life sucks 34197 You deserved it 82415 257 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML I agree, your life sucks 39598 You deserved it 2645 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I took a taxi to my hotel. I specifically said that my destination was the Hilton resort. He took me to a bed and breakfast across town. When I finally got to my hotel, I cursed him out and didn't give him a tip. I then realized I'd left my phone in the taxi after he left. FML I agree, your life sucks 27441 You deserved it 26152 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hide -n- Seek - United States - Grand Prairie Hide and Seek Today, someone left a note on the front door saying "Let's play Hide and Seek". Who ever left the note apparently took my tires off my truck and scattered them. So far, I found one in my pool, and 2 outside my neighborhood. I still can't find the last one. FML I agree, your life sucks 2298 You deserved it 131 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jackass - United States Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML I agree, your life sucks 15823 You deserved it 82462 178 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TGIkaty - United States Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 43585 You deserved it 3463 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Pimp-Daddy - Canada Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML I agree, your life sucks 46344 You deserved it 14108 140 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML I agree, your life sucks 70049 You deserved it 3562 203 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 16197 You deserved it 48081 259 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:02 - United States Diaspora Today, I found out the guy i've been crushing on might be my cousin. Again. FML I agree, your life sucks 725 You deserved it 161 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By caaarl - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML I agree, your life sucks 43913 You deserved it 6514 340 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By zomg - United States - Port Saint Lucie Today, while at work as a cashier, I tried to be sweet and ID an elderly man buying a bottle of wine. He responded by calling me a "blind-ass bitch" and calling my manager for "harassing" him. FML I agree, your life sucks 15574 You deserved it 29015 197 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Alex - New Zealand Today, it was my engagement party. All was going fabulously until my fiancé's dad decided to give us a toast, and completely forgot my name in front of all my family and friends. I've been with his son for 7 years. FML I agree, your life sucks 35919 You deserved it 3107 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went to the bank to get a temporary debit card since I lost my wallet a week ago. On my drive across the street from the bank to the DMV a car slammed into mine at the intersection, nearly totaling my car. The movie theater I went to last week just called and said they'd found my wallet. FML I agree, your life sucks 26603 You deserved it 3561 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By josie345 - United States Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML I agree, your life sucks 10104 You deserved it 27199 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By a7xforever - United Kingdom Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML I agree, your life sucks 26791 You deserved it 3381 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Karmas3itch - United States Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML I agree, your life sucks 84738 You deserved it 6723 221 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Chicago Today, I learned how it feels to sneeze after having major spinal surgery when the pain medication has almost completely worn off. FML I agree, your life sucks 25329 You deserved it 1579 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that if my son and daughter in law are mad at me, they do it on my furniture. So far, they've done it on the table, my bed, and all the living room couches. FML I agree, your life sucks 30458 You deserved it 13123 151 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Doctor! Dr. House Today, I found that I have a rare side effect to the hydrocodone prescribed after surgery. One pill keeps me up for almost 24 hours. Either I'm in tremendous pain and try to sleep, or I'm not in much pain and stay awake. I can't win. FML I agree, your life sucks 6034 You deserved it 390 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 12incher - United States Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML I agree, your life sucks 83416 You deserved it 42587 227 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Maryville Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML I agree, your life sucks 21378 You deserved it 1345 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lhazz11 | 23 #5562550 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 18:56 At least he's creative Send a private message 683 6 Reply
By Nolimit2217 | 32 #5562551 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 18:56 I like his style. Send a private message 391 6 Reply
By lhazz11 | 23 #5562550 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 18:56 At least he's creative Send a private message 683 6 Reply
Reply Toasty283 | 8 #5562556 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 18:58 Damn it, why couldn't I think of that as a child? Send a private message 91 2 Reply
Reply imaginaryvoice | 18 #5562635 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 19:25 Your 7 year old is a genius. I've gotta go find me a spider Send a private message 86 3 Reply
Reply thatkidhesh | 11 #5562699 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 19:42 you quite possibly have the coolest kid on the planet OP. Send a private message 70 2 Reply
Reply omg36 | 7 #5562889 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 21:39 That's pretty clever for a 7 year old Send a private message 39 5 Reply
Reply TheGreatPotato | 19 #5562905 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 22:04 Don't forget that he's also brave. I mean, I can't even bring myself to go near a spider, let alone throw one in the microwave. Send a private message 51 4 Reply
Reply LeFrogDog | 27 #5562990 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 23:14 The kid has a future in interrogation. Send a private message 42 7 Reply
Reply summerguy97 | 16 #5563061 - Wednesday 3 July 2013 0:15 68 Let alone let it bite afterwards Send a private message 27 4 Reply
Reply evilscorpi | 29 #5563193 - Wednesday 3 July 2013 2:42 the kid is 7 I don't see this as a fml, I would have smiled for my child's dream to become a superhero. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Reply wvcheesehead1 | 9 #5563320 - Wednesday 3 July 2013 6:08 It may have worked if it he was not in France. Send a private message 1 26 Reply
Reply Krystal3408 | 32 #5618324 - Thursday 8 August 2013 9:49 And brave for letting a spider bite him Send a private message 4 10 Reply
Reply Gothicbunnyx3 | 16 #5630965 - Saturday 17 August 2013 2:40 I agree, congratulations OP for raising such a wild imaginative son. :) Send a private message 13 2 Reply
Reply Aweh_Olivia | 13 #5748563 - Saturday 9 November 2013 20:01 Agreed, it shows that some kids these days still have imagination. Most 7 year old boys I know sit on their ass all day swearing at people over xbox. Send a private message 9 0 Reply
By Nolimit2217 | 32 #5562551 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 18:56 I like his style. Send a private message 391 6 Reply
Reply MissEmma_fml | 22 #5562604 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 19:14 So stupid yet so clever.. Send a private message 41 8 Reply
Reply hemz_fml | 13 #5562987 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 23:11 That's pretty smart for a 7 year old its just ridiculous to grown ups Send a private message 26 2 Reply
Reply LeFrogDog | 27 #5562991 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 23:15 @20 what are you saying? That its so stupid it just might work Send a private message 23 1 Reply
Reply MissEmma_fml | 22 #5563113 - Wednesday 3 July 2013 0:53 76 - the stupid part was referring to the naïvety of OP's son, however it's a clever concept for such a young child to come up with. But you never know, it is so stupid that it just might work! Send a private message 15 2 Reply
Reply webbface | 25 #5631178 - Saturday 17 August 2013 5:41 That Is so very adorable! Send a private message 1 4 Reply
By adameeo | 21 #5562552 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 18:57 Did it work? Send a private message 340 12 Reply
Reply iammeorami | 25 #5563238 - Wednesday 3 July 2013 4:08 I think it went SPLAT! Send a private message 26 2 Reply
By lionkat456 | 28 #5562554 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 18:57 So did it work? XD Send a private message 6 4 Reply
By Kn0wledge123 | 21 #5562561 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 19:00 At least he has goals in life, eh? Send a private message 198 3 Reply
By EngageZoo5 | 8 #5562562 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 19:00 Brilliant, at least he's trying. We could use a Spider-Man. Send a private message 242 2 Reply
Reply lilhellian | 26 #5562633 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 19:25 Especially since Bill Gates won't use his wealth and smarts to become IronMan! Send a private message 79 1 Reply
Reply RedPillSucks | 31 #5562742 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 20:06 His suit would get infected with viruses, get the blue screen of death and freeze up. Send a private message 77 1 Reply
Reply lilhellian | 26 #5562765 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 20:17 I am curious as to what he is actually using though. Because if was using the same version he sells to us, shit would get changed. Send a private message 28 3 Reply
Reply LeFrogDog | 27 #5562993 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 23:16 hes secretly using a Mac Send a private message 33 2 Reply
By josh7279 | 7 #5562564 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 19:00 That kid is thinking outside the box. Send a private message 160 4 Reply
Reply mmyoung979 | 14 #5562728 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 19:57 Or inside the microwave Send a private message 59 2 Reply
By cieloalicia | 16 #5562566 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 19:01 Innovative! Pretty clever kid. Though it sucks for the spider.. Send a private message 122 5 Reply
Reply SupremeGenius | 8 #5562884 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 21:32 That's alright. No one cares about spiders anyway. Send a private message 37 6 Reply
Reply LeFrogDog | 27 #5562996 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 23:17 probably more where it came from Send a private message 9 1 Reply
By FlyingLeumer | 19 #5562567 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 19:01 Wow, I wish I had a kid like that. Send a private message 72 4 Reply
Reply RoboCunnilingus | 23 #5562909 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 22:08 Word. I'd be quite proud. Send a private message 8 1 Reply
By MissWhitneyB | 17 #5562576 - Tuesday 2 July 2013 19:06 Your son is awesome :) Send a private message 55 3 Reply
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 549 You deserved it 166 2 Comments
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so... I agree, your life sucks 830 You deserved it 129 10 Comments