Weird, Awkward, Spooky and Work: Invasion of the bodysnatchers

Invasion of the bodysnatchers

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 03:04 - United States

Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 421

You deserved it 6 105

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Same thing different taste

By emily - 30/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, my cell phone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 067

You deserved it 4 310

Flashdance

By Muhd Hazrie - 27/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was working as a security guard in a office building. It was 5 p.m. and most of the staff had gone home so it was pretty quiet. I did a little ballet dance around my security post. When I turned around, I saw my supervisor taking a video of me. He sent it to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 430

LET ME IN

By Zxry123 - 31/12/2022 16:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I work the night shift as a security officer. I packed my uniform and my stuff into one large bag and left for work. When I arrived, I realized that I'd left something important at home, so guess what it was? My security pass and it was almost 5 minutes before my shift started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 256

No one is safe

By chili - 24/07/2021 04:01

Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 314

By fucked - 24/08/2014 20:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 382

You deserved it 6 190

By anon - 23/11/2011 22:53

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 006

You deserved it 3 026

By copshop - 10/11/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 291

You deserved it 36 028

By Anonymous - 25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 931

You deserved it 3 127

Parp Blarp Mall Carp

By Clinch - 25/02/2022 04:00

Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 155

Stress factor 11

By Jonoq - 04/10/2019 16:00 - Canada

Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 123

boyguydudemalema 0

Friday 19 November 2010 8:57

because you applied for it ?

Hasmo 0

Friday 19 November 2010 8:58

someone needs to protect the zombies right? your doing your country a service

Comments

vashthestampede 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 15:09

If anyone turns into a zombie you can be the first to notify the police :)

IAreNotANom 2

Wednesday 18 May 2011 17:11

**** the police youre a security guard, you got a gun, take that ****** down

pinkskye97 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 17:11

THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! HELLOOOOOOO!

SoulessRed 0

Sunday 21 November 2010 0:38

To get paid for doin nothin all day, wish I had that job

enroutetothesky 0

Sunday 21 November 2010 3:31

STFU. You're being paid to sit on your ass.

JaredMcginley 3

Sunday 21 November 2010 3:51

shouldn't you be watching the dead instead of posting on fml????

IkeMal 0

Sunday 21 November 2010 4:16

Two words "ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE"!

foxtrent 0

Sunday 21 November 2010 7:49

scare tactics!!!!

k17x 0

Sunday 21 November 2010 21:25

um because it's your job? this is not an FML it's just you being whiny.

tanjoodo 3

Sunday 21 November 2010 22:39

Zombies...Duh!

Twitch304 0

Sunday 21 November 2010 23:11

without people like you zombies would take over the world

Keywords

Social Media Love Instagram AITA Awkward Money Shopping Sex Intimacy Anxiety Wanker Health DIY Relatable Kids Cars Miscellaneous Weather Work Transportation Embarrassing Jealousy Family Vacation Cute Language Education Students Parents First Dates

The Top

Today, it was supposed to be a big date day for my girlfriend and I. She really loves a specific video game, so I did what I thought was special on it. I learned the hard way that doing so ruined the entire day for her over the video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 265

Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and I went to pee at 2 a.m., with the light off to avoid waking my husband. The wanker had left the seat up, so I fell right into the bowl and got stuck with my cheeks in the water because my belly wouldn’t let me get up. My useless sleeping husband couldn’t hear me yell for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 253

The Top

Today, after working and saving up money for an entire year, I bought a 2001 VW Cabrio. I showed it to my friends, they all laughed at me and told me it was a girl's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 548

You deserved it 28 607

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 286

You deserved it 37 940

Today, my mom decided that my hair was too long and that she was going to cut it. I now look like a male extra from Xanadu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 256

You deserved it 1 836

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explainable stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 149

You deserved it 3 434

Today, I celebrated my birthday. My brother's girlfriend gave me a few snide comments about the choice of music and my dress. Then she teased me about not having a boyfriend. By the way, I haven't had a relationship in five years because I'm still traumatized from past domestic abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 75

Today, my mother-in-law showed my five year-old a video of a dog biting a baby, complete with blood all over the baby’s face. We have a dog and a baby. I had to explain that we are careful and that she was a baby with the same sort of dog and is fine. I don’t think she believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 152