Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense"... - FML

By shreking_bawl - 14/11/2014 18:39 - Norway

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explained stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32032

You deserved it

3415

Tweet

Share

Season finale

Billy no-mates

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 2/11/2018 12:00

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3427

You deserved it

532

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 20:43 - Isle of Man

Today, I was lying on the sofa when the phone rang. I jumped up to answer in time. I knocked over my laptop, and kicked my guitar into a glass causing it to smash. It was a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24564

You deserved it

11843

Tweet

Share

By hc11bmd - 19/6/2012 17:20 - United States - Bethel

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11442

You deserved it

54923

Tweet

Share

By 420curse - 5/5/2015 18:20 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34513

You deserved it

15066

Tweet

Share

By Maggie123 - 14/9/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of fruit flies in my house lately. I grabbed a cup of water beside to sink to wash the pills down. As soon as I tasted the drink, I realized it was vinegar and dish soap used to trap the flies. I washed my pills down with dead flies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33196

You deserved it

27821

Tweet

Share

By spoony - 19/1/2009 05:32 - Australia

Today, while on a date with the guy of my dreams, I cut my tongue so bad it bled for an hour. I managed to cut it on the plastic spoon from my coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24316

You deserved it

3016

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/3/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, I spent almost two hours cleaning my fish tank, only to find out that my cat had secretly eaten all of my fish while I was cleaning the tank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38393

You deserved it

8382

Tweet

Share

By halfmypaycheckgone - 5/2/2013 18:59 - United States - Monroe

Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33871

You deserved it

4196

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous user - 9/8/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1952

You deserved it

2767

Tweet

Share

By Sarah-grace - 17/5/2016 22:20 - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10696

You deserved it

1472

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 26/1/2013 08:42 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32066

You deserved it

5615

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/12/2018 00:00

Today is my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend, all I wanted to do was treat him to dinner and be intimate with him. However today is also the 9th day of my period and the 5th day that I’m feeling constantly nauseous. My period should’ve ended 5 days ago...FML

I agree, your life sucks

2427

You deserved it

172

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 07:00 - United States

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41219

You deserved it

3486

Tweet

Share

By isabellam0426 - 2/11/2016 02:55

Today, while teaching my history class, a girl asked me where North America was. She lives in North America. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9523

You deserved it

676

Tweet

Share

By MelanieP - 29/8/2009 03:39 - United States

Today, I got a prank call. I now wish he'd call back so I can actually talk to someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48257

You deserved it

8224

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/9/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27834

You deserved it

2831

Tweet

Share

By fail - 15/6/2012 15:36 - United States - Greeneville

Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34959

You deserved it

2901

Tweet

Share

By Catpiss - 3/1/2018 16:30 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I finished filling the pages in my passport. Also today, my mom's cat urinated on my backpack, soaking my passport with rancid pee. I have visas that last 10 years and can't be moved to a new passport, so I have to keep this nostril-burning booklet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4072

You deserved it

546

Tweet

Share

By Hellish - 21/10/2016 04:11 - United States - Gurnee

Today, I started a new job that was highly recommended by a worker there. The same coworker that is now making my life a living hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9624

You deserved it

802

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/3/2015 16:29 - United States - Cass Lake

Today, my boss told me I got my new job because she rejected candidates that seemed "too confident" or "too pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31337

You deserved it

3012

Tweet

Share

By Username - 4/8/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13924

You deserved it

25236

Tweet

Share

By cjk004 - 15/2/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46651

You deserved it

6584

Tweet

Share

By AlexB - 19/8/2016 07:01 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, in an effort to try and get fit, I was doing yoga on my carpet when my foot slipped. It went under my radiator, which peeled the skin off my heel like peeling a potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16280

You deserved it

1417

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/10/2013 22:25 - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52429

You deserved it

3356

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/8/2012 09:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24062

You deserved it

2339

Tweet

Share

By really?! - 22/3/2020 06:30

Troll level 3000

Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1804

You deserved it

118

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 17:33 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was playing a game on my phone, an unknown number sent me a nude picture and the words "Miss you, baby." This person's mistake just cost me a black eye, and probably my relationship too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45130

You deserved it

4271

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/2/2015 16:06 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend of 5 days proposed to me at the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43703

You deserved it

4833

Tweet

Share

By feeling single - 28/10/2015 19:48 - United States - Burbank

Today, it's been so long since I heard from him, I had to look at my boyfriend's Facebook page to see if we're still in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23329

You deserved it

5085

Tweet

Share

By ballnchain - 30/3/2010 16:04 - United States

Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48378

You deserved it

19909

Tweet

Share

By Manly Sneeze - 7/7/2016 11:34

Today, I would like to say I pinched a nerve throwing punches, but no, I did it by sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12997

You deserved it

1516

Tweet

Share

By brokedad - 10/5/2013 01:41 - United States

Today, I was questioned by police for forcing a 12-year-old to get in my car. That 12-year-old is my daughter, who refused to get in until I agree to buy her a highly expensive purse just to become popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58514

You deserved it

7318

Tweet

Share

By Ramis182 - 16/12/2013 08:52 - United States - Auburn

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35904

You deserved it

10168

Tweet

Share

By amber - 13/3/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I bitched out my boyfriend for logging into my facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off my friends list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39704

You deserved it

17665

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/12/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my guy friend's house, I woke up mid-air after falling off his abnormally high loft bed. Luckily, there was a table and 3 shot glasses to break my fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27524

You deserved it

3842

Tweet

Share

By MakeItMaaco - 11/7/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29832

You deserved it

3734

Tweet

Share

By whiteboyfresh69 - 22/1/2020 20:00 - United States

She likes it!

Today, while sleeping off my hangover, my niece asked me to get her a drink. I gave her a beer, I didn't notice it until it was gone. She is only 6 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

656

You deserved it

3386

Tweet

Share

By moreliketurdmart - 3/6/2013 16:48 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, at the supermarket, a guy started yelling at me for staring at his "woman." She frankly looked like someone had carved Mick Jagger's face into a turd. When I told him I have better things to do than ogle random women, he started harassing me for being "a queer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47013

You deserved it

5313

Tweet

Share

By gringa_Peru - 18/4/2009 01:19 - Peru

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

169642

You deserved it

9820

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I was at the gas station pumping gas when the lady in front of me had a little boy who asked if he could pump the gas. She said yes and then quickly answered her phone, as it was ringing. She wasn't watching him and he pulled out the pump to early, spraying gas all over me, including my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35476

You deserved it

2966

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Kazze | 31

#6118903 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:21

I hope he started off by yelling "F-ck it! We'll do it live!"

By devildog562 | 33

#6118909 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:24

If that was the case just yell beep! Censor his ass that way he can't explain anything. His tactics were obviously effective if you couldn't stop him from his specific goal.

COMMENTS

By Kazze | 31

#6118903 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:21

I hope he started off by yelling "F-ck it! We'll do it live!"

Reply

GentlemanBastard | 15

#6118941 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:45

FUCKIN THING SUCKS!

Reply

MeanBeagle | 22

#6118999 - Saturday 15 November 2014 2:17

ask the teacher of he can explain that

Reply

MeanBeagle | 22

#6119032 - Saturday 15 November 2014 3:06

you should ask the teacher if he can explain your grade a few times

Reply

ositoakaluis | 16

#6119045 - Saturday 15 November 2014 3:38

grade goes in grade goes out you can't explain that

Reply

Enslaved | 36

#6119126 - Saturday 15 November 2014 6:36

#23 I wonder if most understood your comment because it has me rolling! Lol

By monstermatt001 | 13

#6118905 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:23

Lol

By devildog562 | 33

#6118909 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:24

If that was the case just yell beep! Censor his ass that way he can't explain anything. His tactics were obviously effective if you couldn't stop him from his specific goal.

By listner1 | 9

#6118911 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:25

You should have copied Stewart!

By SlipperyNipple | 9

#6118912 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:26

I fucking hate bill

By MrDonSalvetti | 27

#6118916 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:29

This is how society works today. You don't have to be right just make sure that your oponent won't be heard by the people...

By jazmin3012 | 28

#6118926 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:33

I hate it when you provide reasonable evidence and the judges give the win to them because they "sounded right" even though they were speaking absolute bs

Reply

SkyGuy32 | 17

#6119127 - Saturday 15 November 2014 6:37

I did a debate once with an opponent who argued that the idea we were debating would be ineffective and therefore not worth implementing, then stated that it would be overly effective and therefore violate people's autonomy rights. I lost.

By worldclassrager | 39

#6118945 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:49

Maybe see what other Fox News hosts will help with your grades

By devildog562 | 33

#6118950 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:59

It worked apparently. If he did something to combat it or be able to stump him , then he would have received a better grade. It's the way the world works a lot of the time, unfortunately. Even though I agree with you.

By quickit | 24

#6118954 - Saturday 15 November 2014 1:03

If you're really not satisfied with your mark you should try to POLITELY talk to your professor/teacher about it.