Miscellaneous: Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense"... - FML

By shreking_bawl - Norway

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explained stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

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BO Central

No one likes a smart-ass

Wait, what?

By Ew-dles

Today, I was finishing a bowl of ramen while watching a video. As I scooped up the last bits, I realized the clump of seasoning I had been saving for last was actually a dead fly. FML

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By Jjh99q - United States

Today, I stayed until 11 PM washing, wiping, and mopping up the entire restaurant. I forgot to clock in. FML

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By parentalnightmare - United States - Laurel

Today, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. My parents seemed very sympathetic and my mother even cried. When we got home, though, they started laughing and asked if I really believed all the shit the doctor was talking about. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

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By batgirl - France

Today, I get to see my boyfriend again after a month. So I decided to shave my pubic hair in the shape of a heart. After my little striptease, he gasped in admiration "Aaaw, Batman sign!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard a little girl saying how much she didnt want braces to her mom because they hurt and make people look ugly. I looked at her and said, "Aww, there not that bad. See, I have them!" I then smiled to show her. She turned to her mom and said, "See!" then started to cry. FML

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By hpberkla - 5/9/2020 23:01

Fast food

Today, I was at the Wendy's drive-through with my four kids in the car. As the worker handed me my food through the window, a man wearing a ski mask ran right between us, snatched the bags of food and took off. They refused to refund me for the food, because they said I staged the whole thing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

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By - France

Today, I withdrew $120 from the ATM at the hotel I'm staying at, only to have no money come out. When I talked to the concierge, who witnessed the whole thing, she said it had been happening all day and that the machine was broken. My bank says it's the hotel's problem, and the hotel says it's the bank's problem. Either way, I'm out $120. FML

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By dman92

Run Away

Today, while babysitting, the power went off. My little cousin pointed into the dark kitchen behind me and asked, "Who's that man standing there?" FML

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By Anonymous - Poland

Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML

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By back to creepers - United Kingdom - Worcester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

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By justwantingtohelp - United States - Highland

Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML

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By FailureAtLife121 - United States

Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML

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By Taylor D - United States

Today, I went to Walmart to get some acne cream. As I approached the register, I looked in my wallet for the money. The cashier saw that I didn't have enough money, and before I could say anything, he goes "Just take it, I've never seen anyone who needs it that much!" FML

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By averagemom4days - United States - Roosevelt

Today, I spent a ridiculous amount of time working and reworking a design for a client. Eight hours and many tears later, she sends an email saying, "Let's go with the first design. I liked that one the most." FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a grown man yelled at me because he'd been waiting for 15 minutes and still hadn't been seated or had his order taken. We were at a self-serve breakfast buffet. FML

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By D: - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

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By Unteachable - United States

Today, as a high school English teacher, I had to read submissions for a writing contest. The entries were filled with words like "irregardless", "could of", "acrost", and "ain't". These papers were supposedly written by the best students in the school. FML

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By night_fox88 - 27/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Camden

Go out please!

Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 6 years, two raises and a promotion, thanks to student loans I make less disposable income than I did when I first started this job. FML

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By 12incher - United States

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML

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By mandygeegoesnom - United States

Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the person who bullied me throughout my childhood eventually resulting in me going to therapy and switching schools became my boss. On top of that, he refers to me by the insulting nickname he called me during childhood. It's good to see that growing up hasn't changed him at all. FML

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By Jim - Belgium

Today, I told a co-worker to "lighten up, and stop wearing black all the time, it makes you look depressed." I didn't know his father had died the week before. FML

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By Brady - Spain - Madrid

Today, I called a taxi after a night of partying. When it arrived, I realised I had no cash, so I told the driver I'd quickly grab some from an ATM. He made me leave my phone with him as collateral in case I was pulling a prank. He drove off the moment I turned my back. FML

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By nocostumeforme - Canada

Today, I excitedly checked the mail to see if my Halloween costume finally arrived. It didn't. I live in an isolated city, so finding a costume by any other means than the Internet was impossible. I spent over $100 for a costume that I won't even get to wear this year. FML

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By linren - United States

TMI, dude

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had 'something serious' to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was 2 hours long. FML

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By Lissa

All the single ladies (All the single ladies)

Today, I’m a 28 year-old single mom who has never has never experienced an orgasm. This sucks. FML

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By JazzSpazz - United States

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

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By anonymousyo - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

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By StabStab - Belgium

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

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By Bald - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

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By sexual parrot

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

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By Shelle - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my mother-in-law purchased matching Christmas presents for myself and my sister-in-law to open together in front of everyone. Guess who are now the proud owners of matching metal tampon cases. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Evansville

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

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By Fmyhair - Norway

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

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Top comments

By Kazze | 31

#6118903 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:21

I hope he started off by yelling "F-ck it! We'll do it live!"

By devildog562 | 33

#6118909 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:24

If that was the case just yell beep! Censor his ass that way he can't explain anything. His tactics were obviously effective if you couldn't stop him from his specific goal.

COMMENTS

By Kazze | 31

#6118903 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:21

I hope he started off by yelling "F-ck it! We'll do it live!"

Reply

GentlemanBastard | 15

#6118941 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:45

FUCKIN THING SUCKS!

Reply

MeanBeagle | 22

#6118999 - Saturday 15 November 2014 2:17

ask the teacher of he can explain that

Reply

MeanBeagle | 22

#6119032 - Saturday 15 November 2014 3:06

you should ask the teacher if he can explain your grade a few times

Reply

ositoakaluis | 16

#6119045 - Saturday 15 November 2014 3:38

grade goes in grade goes out you can't explain that

Reply

Enslaved | 36

#6119126 - Saturday 15 November 2014 6:36

#23 I wonder if most understood your comment because it has me rolling! Lol

By monstermatt001 | 13

#6118905 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:23

Lol

By devildog562 | 33

#6118909 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:24

If that was the case just yell beep! Censor his ass that way he can't explain anything. His tactics were obviously effective if you couldn't stop him from his specific goal.

By listner1 | 9

#6118911 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:25

You should have copied Stewart!

By SlipperyNipple | 9

#6118912 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:26

I fucking hate bill

By MrDonSalvetti | 27

#6118916 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:29

This is how society works today. You don't have to be right just make sure that your oponent won't be heard by the people...

By jazmin3012 | 28

#6118926 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:33

I hate it when you provide reasonable evidence and the judges give the win to them because they "sounded right" even though they were speaking absolute bs

Reply

SkyGuy32 | 17

#6119127 - Saturday 15 November 2014 6:37

I did a debate once with an opponent who argued that the idea we were debating would be ineffective and therefore not worth implementing, then stated that it would be overly effective and therefore violate people's autonomy rights. I lost.

By worldclassrager | 39

#6118945 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:49

Maybe see what other Fox News hosts will help with your grades

By devildog562 | 33

#6118950 - Saturday 15 November 2014 0:59

It worked apparently. If he did something to combat it or be able to stump him , then he would have received a better grade. It's the way the world works a lot of the time, unfortunately. Even though I agree with you.

By quickit | 24

#6118954 - Saturday 15 November 2014 1:03

If you're really not satisfied with your mark you should try to POLITELY talk to your professor/teacher about it.