Weird, Awkward, Spooky and Work: Invasion of the bodysnatchers - FML

Invasion of the bodysnatchers

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 03:04 - United States

Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 420

You deserved it 6 105

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By emily - 30/07/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, my cell phone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 064

You deserved it 4 310

Flashdance

By Muhd Hazrie - 27/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was working as a security guard in a office building. It was 5 p.m. and most of the staff had gone home so it was pretty quiet. I did a little ballet dance around my security post. When I turned around, I saw my supervisor taking a video of me. He sent it to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 429

LET ME IN

By Zxry123 - 31/12/2022 16:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I work the night shift as a security officer. I packed my uniform and my stuff into one large bag and left for work. When I arrived, I realized that I'd left something important at home, so guess what it was? My security pass and it was almost 5 minutes before my shift started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 256

No one is safe

By chili - 24/07/2021 04:01

Today, I got mugged at work. The sad thing is I'm a cop and was trying to catch the people who mugged me previously while off duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 314

By fucked - 24/08/2014 20:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 381

You deserved it 6 190

By anon - 23/11/2011 22:53

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 005

You deserved it 3 026

By copshop - 10/11/2011 11:40 - United States

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 291

You deserved it 36 026

By Anonymous - 25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 930

You deserved it 3 126

Parp Blarp Mall Carp

By Clinch - 25/02/2022 04:00

Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 155

Stress factor 11

By Jonoq - 04/10/2019 16:00 - Canada

Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 122

Next

Top comments

boyguydudemalema 0

Friday 19 November 2010 8:57

because you applied for it ?

Hasmo 0

Friday 19 November 2010 8:58

someone needs to protect the zombies right? your doing your country a service

Comments

Zodiak213 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 7:35

I've done the same job, it's fun and easy.

roketkween 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 7:54

skull *******

Britt9797 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 8:19

why did u apply... seriously, ur mistake XO

MSUguy100 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 8:33

you keep us safe from the Zombie Apocalypse :)

you_freak 7

Saturday 20 November 2010 11:10

Do people seriously not read all the comments before they comment?! I've read the same comments from different people when this whole FML could've been summed up in 5 points, and a few retorts here and there.

TheSilencer006 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 11:45

I'm a security guard too. I hope it's a temp contract. But unless you're patrolling to make sure the dead don't attack the living, it really shouldn't be that hard of a contract. Just do your job, and please don't abuse the bodies.

joemk2012 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 13:34

Sounds like a dead end job

mustardcat 1

Saturday 20 November 2010 13:39

Its a job to die for

Kasevam 0

Saturday 20 November 2010 14:19

You have a job. It's not a bad job at all, and it doesn't really even require any work. Why are you complaining?

slap_u_much 6

Saturday 20 November 2010 14:27

to protect us from Zombies DUH!! lol

7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16

Keywords

Transportation Annoying Music Boredom Awkward Cars Embarrassing Kids Babysitter Family Relatable Thief Money Food Miscellaneous Gross Farts Mental health Health Depression Weird Pregnancy AITA Creepy Star Wars Social Media Facebook Work Wanker Bodyshaming

The Top

Today, I woke up to my significant other talking in his sleep and soulfully professing his love for Stephanie. My name is not Stephanie. The only Stephanie he knows is a girl he worked at a hotel with over 10 years ago. He has done this at least twice a week since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 102

Today, I got home from working at KFC and hopped straight into the shower. I could see that the water was being tinged yellow by the grease that had got plastered on me at work and was now coming off, so I started gagging and almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 204

The Top

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 377

You deserved it 5 423

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 525

You deserved it 3 021

Today, I got home with my 3 best friends in tow, only to find my husband fast asleep on the sofa, porn playing on his laptop, his boxers around his ankles, and a sticky white mess all down his thigh. I am so beyond mortified I can’t adequately describe how embarrassed I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 373

You deserved it 854

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 375

You deserved it 4 858

Today, I find why my long term boyfriend has not been interested in sex for the last 3 months. It’s because I’m fat. While I could probably lose a few, I am not obese and I am the one that has lead healthy eating and exercise in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 966

You deserved it 378

Today, I went to the jewelry store to sell my wedding ring after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and called the cops because I tried to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 997

You deserved it 3 391