Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "Weighing my testicles… you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer." I'm a girl. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, I finally lost some weight. Unfortunately, that's only because I had a testicle removed due to cancer. FML
Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML
Today, I was at the gym with my boyfriend. He is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me. Until I realised I was lifting heavier weights than he was. FML
Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML
Today, my extremely overweight roommate decided to not only be a nudist, but also to get in shape for his new lifestyle. He's been doing naked lunges in our room for the last twenty minutes. FML
Today, my partner has been losing weight to get slimmer and took a picture of the scale. He posted it onto his Facebook and tagged me in it. After two hours we got messages from his family to look in the reflection of the glass on the scale and I was nude in the background. Thanks, Hun! FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend weighing a cup of shit on the kitchen scale. After I finished screaming in horror, he said he wanted to know how much his average dump weighed, so he could calculate how many pounds of shit he'd made in his adult life. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Outsider_77 0
Anyone who weighs his testicles should not be taken seriously.
Jovecove 13
FML Team, I request a WTF button.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (178)
lajaynay 15
So... What is the normal weight..? And what weight would be considered cancerous..? "To the google machine!"
bevsta 7
3-4kg
twofirstnames 12
Probably not that much in his case
lajaynay 15
I'm American, ounces please.
Outsider_77 0
Nothing wrong with a little SI
sasha_kay 4
Well that can't be right haha...8 pound balls :/
thisisafunnyname 12
Yeah, that can't be right. It should probably be something more like 10 pound balls
False_Stupidity 42
#62 & #85 If either/both of you gents have 10+ pound testicles I would recommend hospital ASAP.. Your balls would be dragging on the ground and that would chafe...
MissBunnyWillEat 11
If I were a boy, my dick would be so big I could wear around my neck like a boa.
tittymagic 0
Is 3-4 tons normal for each?? Or is that cancerous?
docscientist 10
I strap a gun holster to my inner thigh and holster mine so it doesn't swing around like a pendulum.
P374RD3D 9
131 what if you trip over it like a shoelace
BWill9014 4
Sounds like he's referring to Elephantitis... But that's just my guess
skyeyez9 25
He should weigh them on one of those mini food scales
False_Stupidity 42
And then NEVER use said scales for food ever again... O.o
perdix 31
In that case, if your testicles weigh more than 0.00 grams, you've got problems. Not cancer, but problems, nevertheless.
WaSiSimiLang 8
Like not relieving the load frequently?
False_Stupidity 42
#46 No, as in the OP is female, therefore balls of any weight indicates a problem.
WaSiSimiLang 8
Well... Are Breasts are counted as balls? Since they are round...
perdix 31
Sorry, you are just making it worse.
Epikouros 32
This is one of those FML's that call for a WTF button.
rattusrattus 19
What the FML
nephilim241 19
OP's flatmate found a novel excuse to be caught weighing/showing off his manhood
BloodyMary666 24
*lol* Where did he read that?
SunriseSurprize 2
How much do your testes weigh?
Epikouros 32
Tell him this is not a reliable method to weigh your testicles - he should chop them off and weigh them on a kitchen scale.
loserman67 36
I guarantee you caught him weighing his balls after a jack-off session. He weighed them before and then he weighed them after so he could try and caculate the amount of **** he shot. And no, I have never done this. You missed a golden opportunity, "You'll need a smaller scale, that one weighs in pounds, you need one that weighs in grams."
icadragoon 11
Why not just weigh the ****? It's less work.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Or just measure volume and estimate density as equal to that of water at 1ml=1g. probably close enough. Most of a man's ejaculate volume is prostatic fluid anyway and doesn't originate in the testicles or scrotum.
j_cat187 20
Interesting dose anyone know the density of semen?