Miscellaneous: Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed...

By Anonymous - 14/03/2012 06:15 - Australia

Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 007

You deserved it 4 379

Miscellaneous

Shidding and farding

Got a screw loose

Big boss man

By Jeri - 26/02/2010 12:55 - United States

Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 965

You deserved it 4 323

Weird kid

By LGraham - 16/06/2020 20:08

Today, my nephew kicked me in the balls, again! And he got me fair and square this time. It's the fourth time he's got me in the balls since the pandemic started. I have to put my groin guard from college on and teach him a lesson because he won't listen and he's 12, so he knows what he's doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 284

By disciplinaryaction - 21/11/2011 07:02 - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 663

You deserved it 3 337

Slides are for the beach

By badtoeday - 04/10/2021 05:00

Today, while shopping at a store, my big toe decided that it was deeply infatuated with my shopping cart wheel. So much so, it rammed itself straight into it. It took everything in me not to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 168

By melon squash - 11/09/2016 10:15 - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 484

You deserved it 1 301

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 19:18 - United States

Today, I lost control of my vehicle while driving. The car went off the road, rolled over, and ended up being totaled. The policeman asked me if I was alright and I said I was. He seemed relieved at my answer. Then he handed me a $300 ticket for failing to maintain my lane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 301

You deserved it 5 996

By shelly - 08/03/2012 22:23 - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 492

You deserved it 7 389

Imitation is a form of flattery. Or is it?

By Anonymous - 08/08/2020 14:02

Today, and ever since he saw the infamous interview that was on TV the other day, every time I say something to my husband, he keeps quoting, "You can't do that!" and "You don't know that!" at me in Donald Trump's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 165

By Anonymous - 01/09/2015 04:40 - United States - Greenfield

Today, I got fired from my childcare job of five years because the other staff weren't as popular with the kids, so they accused me of being "creepy" because the kids all wanted to play a game with me instead of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 231

You deserved it 1 596

By goodbye-college - 15/08/2010 04:12 - Canada

Today, I found out I won't be able to go to college. Why? My sister's horse needs surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 265

You deserved it 5 228

By FailMan - 17/01/2009 13:15 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend, when she walked ahead of me cat-walk style, turned around and said, "Do you think I could model?" I blurted out, "Yes... for a plus-size clothing line." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 036

You deserved it 55 599

By Anonymous - 24/03/2014 20:28 - United States - Galesburg

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 034

You deserved it 6 537

I'm worth it

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 17:01 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, I realized after seeing my ex in his new relationship that he does everything for her that I always wanted him to do for me. Sucks not being worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 153

Oh, hai Mark

By sucky sucky - 07/07/2020 14:01

Today, my crush, who’s notorious for only dating skinny girls, walked out of the break room. I turned to my friend and joked, “I may not be skinny, but I can suck a jawbreaker through a boba straw!” Turns out he came back because he forgot his phone. He most definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 1 606

By kennyjhynes - 23/06/2014 13:56 - United States

Today, I drove 12 hours with 6 screaming little girls. They were arguing about things that should've been in the Lego movie. They watched it 4 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 884

You deserved it 5 275

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 509

You deserved it 5 112

By that girl - 08/04/2014 23:06 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was feeling horny, so I told my boyfriend, who lives 30 minutes away, that "I really needed him". He replied, "Did you fall in the toilet again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 155

You deserved it 12 594

By Anonymous - 30/07/2019 12:07 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a customer asked me if I was English, because I was struggling to understand what he saying. I said yes. He then called me a liar, and said I must be "one of them Polish immigrants." Oh, and he also had a thick Scottish accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 135

By roze198765 - 04/08/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 779

You deserved it 4 366

By oliver - 27/01/2016 12:02 - United States

Today, I woke up with a pounding headache. My wife tells me that last night I woke up from a nightmare, screaming, tried to run away and knocked myself out running headfirst into the bedroom wall. So she put me back to bed and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 447

You deserved it 2 235

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 21:05 - United States

Today, I had my first chorus concert. We got a bigger applause when we left the stage than when we sang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 482

You deserved it 6 781

By annoyed - 24/09/2017 01:30

Today, I received an email from my insurance company about a claim that happened over a month ago when I hit someone from behind. I was very apologetic and stated it was my fault, and now they're trying to claim replacement vehicle costs. I was going under 10mph and their car only had a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 631

You deserved it 476

By Oriianna Raiinbow - 23/10/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, talking to my boyfriend about each others families, we noticed we both had an aunt with the same name. After a while of trying to figure things out, we decide to call her. Turns out that we are long distance cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 717

You deserved it 4 544

By Flopera - 12/05/2018 05:00

Today, I treated my out of town family to a surprise opera experience as a belated Christmas present. When we arrived, there were people already in our seats. Upon checking the tickets, I realized that I had purchased them for the following Friday instead of today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 059

You deserved it 2 014

Someone else

By Anonymous - 30/01/2020 20:00

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 992

You deserved it 347

By Belgian girl - 22/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 295

You deserved it 694

By CollegeBound - 17/08/2012 19:55 - United States - Tully

Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 206

You deserved it 2 346

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 11:33 - Australia

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 939

You deserved it 57 408

By Leftattheairport - 09/02/2019 18:00

Today, I went to pick up my long distance boyfriend at the airport. It has been over six months since I last saw him and four days since I last heard from him. He never showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 597

You deserved it 378

By ::Tracy:: - 17/04/2011 09:32 - Australia

Today, a young boy helped me carry my groceries home. He then asked me to sign his sheet to certify that he had done half an hour of service to the elderly. I'm 46. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 674

You deserved it 5 815

Lovely bundles of joy

By Anonymous - 12/01/2012 11:54 - Sweden

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 114

You deserved it 3 842

By Anonymous - 23/07/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 926

You deserved it 99 144

Rookie mistake

By Lokimagnus - 25/03/2020 23:05

Today, I was working from home. I felt very sleepy, so I set my online status “Active” and went back to bed. I woke up to 3 missed calls from my boss and an email from him, containing a webcam screenshot of me asleep in bed. I totally forgot he has remote access to my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 2 809

By schellbytheseashore - 21/02/2009 07:30 - United States

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 101

You deserved it 13 320

By Username - 21/01/2011 03:55

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 150

You deserved it 3 612

By Z3R0G5 - 06/01/2014 23:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 110

You deserved it 19 208

By RustyBulletHole - 04/02/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 088

You deserved it 2 341

By bakedplum - 01/11/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 743

You deserved it 23 770

By kilo1_13 - 04/06/2009 01:35 - United States

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 946

You deserved it 2 502

By northernlass - 20/09/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 853

You deserved it 2 663

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Top comments

Jiinxx 8

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 11:40

Honesty must be a big thing in Russia..

bballsoccerrocks 7

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 11:40

Saving money on winter coats!

Jiinxx 8

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 11:40

Honesty must be a big thing in Russia..

ladyLALAA 28

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 12:10

I know gay identical Russian twins, they are absolutely brutal. I have heard them say many inappropriate things in public and wait for the day it gets them into trouble!

MatheusRajuidas 5

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 12:58

-sigh- And that's the reason I hate being Russian, being compared to this dark mass of meat...

manatees_r_epic 0

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 13:45

It's okay 32. You don't count, 'cause you're on FML.

bunniex1 11

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 13:54

both of them are gay??? that seems awesome!!!!

death_prevails 6

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 14:31

32, agreed. The majority of Russians are just plain rude, I hate to be associated with that country at times...

VasilisaUzhasnaj 29

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 14:33

Yeah, we're a vulgar lot. Better to be honest than a liar, in my opinion. I on the other hand, am not ashamed.

MizzErikaHart 8

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 15:14

Was hoping to read sum "in soviet Russia" comments.

skyeyez9 24

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 15:18

I know a guy from Romania that is equally rude.

megapeyt 17

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 15:34

Haven't any of you ever had a brother??? You're supposed to respond in kind! He calls you a douche you call him an ass. Simple concept.

MatheusRajuidas 5

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 15:42

I indeed am sorry but it's not just the vulgarity but also the supreme level of social and global idiocy in this damn country. Oh and btw, I have two brothers. And btw, the vulgarity in Russia has it's roots growing in the soil of the stupidity average. And to finally satisfy everyone: "In soviet Russia, breakfast eats you."

Daederoth 10

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 17:52

He was hitting on you, Russian style.

TheEpicMilkMan 13

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 18:03

@59 brilliant sir C:

bballsoccerrocks 7

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 11:40

Saving money on winter coats!

thiscrazything 1

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 12:09

At least you know that you can survive a Siberian winter. All the skinny people would die off in the first few weeks.

TorturedXeno 27

Wednesday 14 March 2012 14:53

So I guess "The Dark Knight" deceived us?

nonamericandolla 6

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 17:56

I think he's right! My grandma says she been a Russian many times and winters ARE cold! Pay attention just incase...

Guren 0

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 23:11

Did he say you look like you cold handle their Vodka too?

heyhihello95 12

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 11:41

He sounds like a documentary.

ladyLALAA 28

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 12:12

What is it with crazy people on trains? I swear they just hang out on the train all day, waiting for unexpecting(sp?) commuters to pounce on!

iamyummylicious 14

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 12:20

Unexpecting isn't a word. Instead try the words "unexpected", "unaware", or "unsuspecting".

ladyLALAA 28

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 12:22

Thank you, I knew it didn't look right I am just tired and was too lazy to check! :$

bmwguy01 8

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 14:28

unsuspecting is what she was going for

iamyummylicious 14

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 15:45

I thought so, but I offered more choices :)

Dukekamono 5

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Thursday 15 March 2012 1:38

I bet you did :p

bballsoccerrocks 7

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 11:43

Saving money on winter coats!

bballsoccerrocks 7

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 12:09

I don't k ow what it always double posts for me

EmreArslan 11

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 13:38

Lol a double post? I doubt that cuz there is a 3 minutes difference with ur first one...

Ithelpstodream 5

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 11:45

I'm a bit of a dipshit. You can come live with me, but I'm afraid the only body parts I'll be rubbing warm are my incredibly small nuts. ;)

AlaskaKid95 7

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 12:20

But then OP won't be able to survive cold Russian winters. /:

peachesncreem 21

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 11:45

The Russian way to pick up women?

ladyLALAA 28

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 12:25

I think there would be a lot if single Russians in ghat case.

ladyLALAA 28

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 12:26

*that. Gosh, sorry grammar Nazis, I am having a shocker tonight!

sdelawsky 2

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 14:32

I'm dating a Russian guy. He has his quirks, as does anyone. But he is no different than anyone else just because of where he is from.

jc95sd 3

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Sunday 9 December 2012 20:26

Or #46 you are an idiot and will stay with anyone ;D

Justin23L 2

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 11:47

I think that means he wants to fuck.

MikeDa1Da 14

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 11:48

In soviet Russia, train ride you!

shizzathon 5

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 11:49

FYL, that guy was an absolute asshole. It's bad enough to just start talking to someone on the train without them being reciprocative, but to say something like that is horrendous. Don't pay any attention to him.Dick.